Mental Health Overcoming Public Speaking Fear

[HarrytheHead]

I’m looking to hear about your experience with public speaking fear and if you’ve found success in overcoming this.

This past year I’ve had a spike in anxiety speaking in meetings at work. I think it started when I had a few bad experiences with higher executives where I felt like I was going to have a panic attack in a meeting. I then generalized that experience with all speaking engagements, fearing that I may have a panic attack in front of my colleagues. The avoidance of this fear has only made it worse.

Recently however, I’m starting to turn a corner in tackling this thing. Some of the things that are helping:
-CBT Therapy
-Meditation/mindfulness
-Hypnotist
-Toastmasters (public speaking class)
-Improv classes
-“The Power of Now” book
-Knowing I have Xanax in case I really need it

Despite feeling anxiety when public speaking at work I think I learned that I shouldn’t fight the anxious feelings, fighting gives them more power. Also, I have to keep things in perspective. Its not like I’m testifying in court to avoid the death penalty! The stakes are much lower in a work meeting. And finally not I shouldn’t avoid the fear. This is exposure therapy. “Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.”

I guess I’m just looking for people with similar fears or words of support. And if you’ve found any techniques to be successful? Just writing this out makes me feel better. Thanks.

 

[Foreigner]

I've had to deal with this a lot, but my public speaking fears come from traumas in middle school. I did everything on your list and although it helped, I still have to be drugged most of the time to get through it. For me, the fear is only if I have to give a focus talk, and not if I'm in a board meeting while sitting down. For me it's being the centre of attention.

So one way I got past this fear was to change the format of presenting itself, from the traditional format where the speaker faces the group, to the whole group all contributing to the presentation. There was one time when I changed it to a talking circle, but in cases when I couldn't I would pose questions to the group to transfer some of the pressure to them, or I would assign a class activity to take up part of the time (workshop style). I find the traditional format really hierarchical, like the speaker is the dispenser of knowledge while everyone sits there any listens... but in this information age, what's the point of that? Everyone in the audience might know something I don't.

Part of what stoked the original fear was being forced to give talks about stuff I didn't care about, to people who weren't really invested (or were actually abusive), in order to "succeed". Things have changed for the better in my professional career because I can give talks when I want, about the topics I enjoy. I still need drugs but that's from PTSD. As an adult, I remember that I have a right to choose. If you took on a job that could've potentially required public speaking, then it's harder to avoid... but if that's not the case then I refuse and tell them I just don't do it.

The important thing to remember is that some people just aren't cut out for it. I'm an introvert and all my friendships are 1 on 1. I don't do group anything. So even being at a group board meeting would create tension for me. When institutions make public speaking part of everyone's role, they're being A-type about it, and trying to fit everyone into the same model. I realized this a long time ago and I challenge that model anytime it comes up. Why should a presentation be 40% of the grade yet an essay, which takes way longer to write and reference, is not valid? Why is public speaking part of "required skills" when I had no plan to ever choose a job that required it? I also notice that teachers assign public speaking projects because it's easier on them... they don't have to grade papers but can instead be visually entertained by people talking. Not my problem!

So don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe it's not about psychologically tricking yourself into it. Maybe it's just genuinely not the role you're supposed to play and it's not your nature, and that's actually perfectly OK.

 

[SamanthaB]

Hi,

I think that taking the beta blocker Inderal keeps your blood pressure low when it rises from anxiety from having to speak in public. The anxiety fuels the rise in your blood pressure or the other way around. Cannot remember for sure. Not necessarily important to know that. Kind of a circular effect when it gets started, I think. You only take it the day you are going to be speaking and then not again till the next time. Your doctor needs to write you a Rx, can advise you on exactly how much to take and how far in advance to take it to get the full effect. There may be other beta blockers that are available now that work better, not sure. I have heard from others that Inderal worked for them fairly well. However, that was a number of years ago. I would think that that drug (or a similar one), combined with the other things you are doing, should hopefully have you covered on your treatment options.

 

[HarrytheHead]

Those are some great points, especially about this maybe not being the role I'm supposed to play. Just because it's a challenge and pays well doesn't mean I have to conform to that expectation. So at the same time as me doing all this work, I am currently thinking long-term. If this isn't meant for me maybe I can benefit from a job or career change. I am accountant by trade, currently working in a corporation (lots of meetings). But I too am an introvert and prefer 1 on 1's so I am debating pursuing a career as a clinical psychologist. As a person with my own stress issues, I think I get a lot of fulfillment helping people with theirs. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Foreigner]

Those are some great points, especially about this maybe not being the role I'm supposed to play. Just because it's a challenge and pays well doesn't mean I have to conform to that expectation. So at the same time as me doing all this work, I am currently thinking long-term. If this isn't meant for me maybe I can benefit from a job or career change. I am accountant by trade, currently working in a corporation (lots of meetings). But I too am an introvert and prefer 1 on 1's so I am debating pursuing a career as a clinical psychologist. As a person with my own stress issues, I think I get a lot of fulfillment helping people with theirs. Thanks for sharing.

You're welcome. Sometimes our health issues (mental or physical) draw us into the right path in life. On the other hand, I'm not necessarily encouraging you to quit your day job. There is a "fitting in" component to the public speaking fear, I find. Like why can others do it but not me? I'm just saying that accepting it's not in your nature to be a public speaker can lessen the voice of the inner critic and all the resistance it creates. So then the focus just becomes, "OK, I know I'm not good at this, so I am doing the best I can in an alien environment."

Interesting that you want to go for clinical psych. I practice medicine too. A lot of introverts who don't like the public eye tend to be born empaths which is why public speaking is hard for them. I know for myself that I can feel the gaze of the audience intensely and it's hard to separate my feelings from theirs, to the extreme where I can't even track my own inner state anymore while so many eyes are on me.

Good luck!

 

[Foreigner]

Sorry to double post. I was researching bio-identical hormones today and I came across this very interesting tidbit about oxytocin from this site:

Also when a low dose is formulated, oxytocin can help with situations of stage fright, it decreases the stress response and allows the speaker to form a bond with the audience members.

I'm definitely going to try this in the future.

 

[aihfl]

I never had issues with public speaking but having had a career as a performing musician I had problems with nerves for years: shakiness and sweating. I finally broke down and started taking propranolol (Inderal) before high pressure performances. It doesn't keep you from getting nervous but it does suppress the physical symptoms of nerves. It used to be considered a "dirty little secret" among musicians who used it, but musicians are a lot more open about it now. I looked at it this way: you have to pay your own way to a professional orchestra audition; airfare, hotel, local ground transportation, etc.; what's wrong with minimizing what could go wrong after going to all that expense?

 

[Justhavingfun20172]

I have had a problem speaking in front of people. I had good times and bad. What I like to do is to not just say to myself to be confident, but to actually be confident if that makes any sense. I talk to the whole group like I'm having a one on one conversation with one person. It's a weakness in you rather if that weakness bothers you or not is your decision. Think positive remember you are what you tell yourself you are. "I am comfortable and confident speaking in front of a crowd" you might fail but failure is only temporary with the right will power. Once you cam master public speaking it will broaden your horizons so to speak.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Knowing the topic inside out helps immensely. I always found myseld beyond anxious when I didn't and would always stutter.

Unfortunately with my anxiety if I know there are people there who are very judgemental knowing the topic doesn't help.

You really have to have an I don't give a fuck attitude. For me as I am bi polar this was easy on some days where as other days not so much.

If you put too much emphasise on the speech you will always be anxious. Maybe learn the topic best you can then prepare the speech an hour before hand or maybe not.

I was the best man at my best friends wedding and made people cry. I didn't have a speech written but I knew the topic very well. Too many people were surprised I didn't have a speech prepared. I didn't need to as the words flowed naturally due to knowing the topic.

Hope this helps as I've had anxiety my whole life and this is what has worked for me.

 

[mal3volent]

Knowing the topic inside out helps immensely. I always found myseld beyond anxious when I didn't and would always stutter.

Unfortunately with my anxiety if I know there are people there who are very judgemental knowing the topic doesn't help.

You really have to have an I don't give a fuck attitude. For me as I am bi polar this was easy on some days where as other days not so much.

If you put too much emphasise on the speech you will always be anxious. Maybe learn the topic best you can then prepare the speech an hour before hand or maybe not.

I was the best man at my best friends wedding and made people cry. I didn't have a speech written but I knew the topic very well. Too many people were surprised I didn't have a speech prepared. I didn't need to as the words flowed naturally due to knowing the topic.

Hope this helps as I've had anxiety my whole life and this is what has worked for me.

This is great advice. I’ve never really had to do much public speaking outside the context of a classroom, so I can only speak to that, but I agree with noonoo that focusing too much on memorization is the wrong thing to do. When I’ve done that in the past, it’s like there’s three or four separate anxieties potentiating each other.

1. I’m the center of attention.
2. I’m being judged on my appearance.
3. I’m being criticized for what I say.
4. What if I fuck up?

I feel I have the most control over number four. Of course, you can obsess over drilling your speech into your mind word for word, and hope you don’t get distracted once you get up there. Or you can legitimately become fluent in whatever you are speaking about. If you are memorizing, you most likely aren’t connecting. If you aren’t connecting, you most likely won’t make a good impression...whether you make it through without fucking up or not. You’re essentially hinging your success on your ability to deceive your audience. If the veneer cracks, even slightly, your confidence evaporates. Now you have made things almost impossible. At this point, personally, I’m not thinking about how do I fix this. I’m thinking abort.

It’s nice to have at least one friend in the audience, or a person you’re comfortable talking to on an individual level. That way when you are up there, and you are knowledgeable about your topic, you can pretend like you are just having a conversation with them. Which you are, basically. In other words, the more authentic you can make the entire process, the less you have to think. The less you have to think, the fewer things you have to worry about...the smaller the task becomes. Things seem more manageable.

Going back to what noonoo said, it always helps to have that “I don’t give a fuck” attitude in your back pocket. If all else fails, try to remember that the people watching you are almost certainly bored as hell. Probably thinking about lunch. Or how badly they have to pee. Or both.

 

[SebastianSkip]

SamanthaB mentioned propranolol (generic name for Inderal). If you’re ever interested in taking something it makes sense to take that instead of a benzo. It’s prescribed for performance anxiety, tremors, migraines and blood pressure. It’s very versatile and doesn’t have the issues benzos have. I think it’s amazing for my panic attacks and unlike benzos, zero desire to take it recreationally. I appreciate you non med solutions are helping and if you wanna to stick with them but since you mentioned Xanax (hopefully you got the xanax for some other anxiety because it’s a way overboard script for fear of public speaking).