I've known this girl for a longtime we've been on and off for years and have had plenty of other relationships in between time. However she never really brought up anal until recently after a 2 year long relationship she had with a guy she thinks may have been bisexual or gay (which she found out in the end and Im still not sure if she was joking or not but having seen pictures its believable). We brought up fetishes and she mentioned a few things and also said she doesn't mind anal play. Now she knows that is and always has been a big no for me as for as full on anal sex, sure I rub around that area during sex, but I never went as far to even put my finger in. She's kind taken my hand and insinuated she wants me to put my finger in while she was giving me head which I avoided. And while we were having sex I accidentally got a little close to the other hole and somehow it got brought up that I'm not into it and she said something like "unless I make you into it." Anyways I've kind of asked her if she's done anal and she avoids the subject, but I assume the answer is yes after she said she likes anal play. But now I need to hear it from her mouth as I'm beginning to have fucked up dreams about her sexual past and I need to just know the truth, I want to know if its something she's into. I just need to know if she's done it or not, I feel like its something a woman should talk about openly. I'm reading most girls get asked by every boyfriend to do anal which to me seems like either a homosexual urge or just a way of getting power over her. I have one weird friend who's into it and when he explained it he said he just likes the power involved that he has over the woman (which is probably the worst answer I could have heard). Im into some kinky shit but anal I've always just seen as the most degrading thing that can be done to a woman and if she's gone thru it I would appreciate it if she at least tell me if she's into it. Ladies, fellas, am I tripping too hard on this? What's the best way to ask her without sounding like its this huge deal for me? It's not like I'm gonna kick her to the curb if she tells me she's done anal, but I want to know the truth.
Girlfriend insinuated she likes anal play, kind of a deal breaker for me
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SamanthaB
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Hi,
It seems to me you already know the truth. But, you seem to want to hear it from her directly. How would that help you? I think what is important is if she can have a satisfying sexual relationship without it. If not, then, for her, it is a deal breaker for a relationship with you. I would tell her what you told us as to why you will not do that with her, or any woman, and that it is a deal breaker for you if she would insist on that from you now or in the future. Really that simple. I don't think this is a compromisable issue.
BTW, I think it is highly unlikely that every woman gets asked by every man they have sex with to do anal. I am not sure where you read that. Besides, it doesn't matter if everyone in the world does anal, you do not want to do it and that is fine. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has things they do not like to do sexually and that is perfectly normal. And, while you may have some sexual hangups, join the crowd, cause most people do for some period of time in their lives, if not their whole lives, unless they resolve those that cause them difficulty.
It seems to me you already know the truth. But, you seem to want to hear it from her directly. How would that help you? I think what is important is if she can have a satisfying sexual relationship without it. If not, then, for her, it is a deal breaker for a relationship with you. I would tell her what you told us as to why you will not do that with her, or any woman, and that it is a deal breaker for you if she would insist on that from you now or in the future. Really that simple. I don't think this is a compromisable issue.
BTW, I think it is highly unlikely that every woman gets asked by every man they have sex with to do anal. I am not sure where you read that. Besides, it doesn't matter if everyone in the world does anal, you do not want to do it and that is fine. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has things they do not like to do sexually and that is perfectly normal. And, while you may have some sexual hangups, join the crowd, cause most people do for some period of time in their lives, if not their whole lives, unless they resolve those that cause them difficulty.
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JessFR
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Yes you're focusing way too much on it. It doesn't matter what she's done in the past and I don't think you should pressure her to tell you. You can ask, but if she doesn't want to answer I think you should leave it there.
Also, it sounds like you have some very unhealthy attitudes towards anal sex and homosexuality.
I mean, only someone with some kind of issue surrounding this could see something homosexual in a man and a woman having anal sex. I mean, it's a man and a woman engaging in sexual activities. It doesn't get any straighter than than. So somehow finding something gay in that seems very bizarre to me.
Modern fact of life, guys ask women to do kinky shit in bed, girls want to please guys they like. Therefore, most women who have been in a sexual relationship for any length of time will have tried almost everything at least once.
If a woman having previously had anal sex with a man is a deal breaker, that's gonna rule out a lot of women.
Also, it sounds like you have some very unhealthy attitudes towards anal sex and homosexuality.
I mean, only someone with some kind of issue surrounding this could see something homosexual in a man and a woman having anal sex. I mean, it's a man and a woman engaging in sexual activities. It doesn't get any straighter than than. So somehow finding something gay in that seems very bizarre to me.
Modern fact of life, guys ask women to do kinky shit in bed, girls want to please guys they like. Therefore, most women who have been in a sexual relationship for any length of time will have tried almost everything at least once.
If a woman having previously had anal sex with a man is a deal breaker, that's gonna rule out a lot of women.
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Pretty_Diamonds
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Just have a conversation with her, not when you guys are boning. Like, hey, so I'm just curious, have you done anal before? It's cool if you have... I was just wondering. I haven't.
You say it's not a big deal... but it seems like it is to you... you should be honest with yourself.
You say it's not a big deal... but it seems like it is to you... you should be honest with yourself.
JessFR
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Problem is it sounded to me like to the OP it ISNT cool if she has. And generally dishonesty isn't good in a relationship, but it isn't great asking your partner if they've done something when you know you're not gonna be happy depending on the answer either,
Pretty_Diamonds
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I agree. That's why I also invited the OP to be honest with himself...
FuckinAcidMan
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I am dumbfounded that you find it distasteful that your girlfriend wants you fuck her butt. That's like a pretty big trust thing, or I guess it used to be, now anal and S&M are normal and it's weird because when I was a teenager people kinda thought that shit was off color for the most part. I always dug it, but whatever. Honestly if I was in your situation, her literally asking/hinting would be a huge plus but hey man, different strokes for different folks and all that I guess.
It's not even really a power thing it's just fun to do it because it's novel. It's honestly not my favorite thing to do regularly but if you do it right it's pretty fun and nobody gets hurt. It doesn't hurt to have a new scenario to act out sometimes if y'all are feeling like doing something weird on like a holiday.
It's not even really a power thing it's just fun to do it because it's novel. It's honestly not my favorite thing to do regularly but if you do it right it's pretty fun and nobody gets hurt. It doesn't hurt to have a new scenario to act out sometimes if y'all are feeling like doing something weird on like a holiday.
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GaryGlisten
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^ such a way with words
Foreigner
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You can always ask her to clean herself out before you do anal play, or make sure she had a recent BM. Maybe it will change your mind to know that there are just as many weird organisms in a vagina as there are up someone's butt.
If you're not into it though you're not into it. shrug
If you're not into it though you're not into it. shrug
JessFR
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Oh man, I love germophobes. I wish there were a way to show them just how unending and ubiquitous microorganisms are. They'd either learn to deal, blow their brains out or go live in a psych ward. Which wouldn't help much they're filthy too.
In any one of those outcomes at least they'll cease to be irritating to me though.
psy997
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This....
But also, why the hell would she want to be honest if she knows it's going to piss you off? I mean, don't get me wrong, that's not healthy for a relationship. But it doesn't sound like any of this is, really.
She obviously likes it, has done it - probably a good amount - and wants to do it more. If that bothers you, well, it's either time to get over irrational fears or time to part ways.
But also, why the hell would she want to be honest if she knows it's going to piss you off? I mean, don't get me wrong, that's not healthy for a relationship. But it doesn't sound like any of this is, really.
She obviously likes it, has done it - probably a good amount - and wants to do it more. If that bothers you, well, it's either time to get over irrational fears or time to part ways.
Bbcorvette18
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Yes she's had anal. Yes she's been rage fucked worse then your nightmares. How can being naked and doing sexual acts with a female be "homosexual." You sound like an insecure beta bitch male.
If you don't fuck her in the ass someone else will. So man the fuck up and talk to her. And when you give her an orgasm from anal you'll realize there's a reason some people like it.
If you don't fuck her in the ass someone else will. So man the fuck up and talk to her. And when you give her an orgasm from anal you'll realize there's a reason some people like it.