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November Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread, v Holiday Gatherings & Dazed Blatherings

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Happy belated Thanksgiving to all who celebrate!

TLD & Sim: Congrats on your one-year anniversaries. That's awesome!!!

Runningfox said:
DF--
THIS sounds exactly like I've been for about 3 months now. So damn blah . No motivation . No energy. No creativity. No interest.

Sorry. I didn't intend to make your woes About Me ; i just saw a load similarities in how you've been feelin.
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I know, doesn't it suck? Sorry to hear that you're going through the same thing.

Never a need to apologize for making anything be about "you"... that's what we're all here for! (and besides... if we don't make things be about "us" sometimes, who else will?) ;)

I realize that since I've been drinking and using less, a lot of my old issues that made drugs & alcohol so appealing in the first place are resurfacing. My therapist and I are still trying to properly diagnose me so that it can be treated properly.

He said that the mental health profession has begun to identify something like 7 different forms of bi-polar, where for a long time they only recognized two. Apparently it's a lot more complicated than just "manic one day, depressed the next" or whatever. I have always suffered from depression, anxiety and OCD, and my moods can change rapidly for no apparent reason (... and 20+ years of addiction haven't exactly helped either).

Eventually we'll get a better handle on exactly what's going on in this ol' head of mine! 8(

Peace, Love and Faith,
Dreamflyer
 
Hardcore looking at some apartments in a couple cities. Really digging chicago despite the cold
 
The huge event I had mentioned (herein or within another thread?) I suppose is safe to talk about now.

A WAAAAAAVE of relief for me, as my oldest child had attended the Macy's parade (while responsible for some students she chaperoned there in NYC for a solid week) ; she is on the road home finally (remember we are in the upper Midwest here) and alllllllll is well. My kid n the students are safe , well, exhausted and VERY proud of their performance in the parade.

My kid had been to NYC before but not on a holiday; not at such a large and populated event. I was pissin my jockeys the past couple months, living in solid fear of a possible terrorist event. Thank God thank the Universe thank the law enforcement NYC security first responders and all the thousands of ppl on the event staff, who kept our loved ones SAFE at the Macy's parade this year.

It's odd; ever since 9/11 I had feared a big attack occurring at either Macy's parade or the Olympics over the years. .... gratefully that has not occurred. Then the Boston marathon bombing happened .... few years hence here we are having lived thru awful attacks around the world since then. And being American I have been scared stiff since the awful Las Vegas shootings.

Praise all that's good in this world my child (and so many millions) are safe , having enjoyed and gained experience and sweet memories this year.

That's gotta be my #1 "what I'm grateful for" blessing this holiday weekend. We are SO fortunate.

In other news:
--- no illicit substances here. My gabapentin taper continues and I've managed to stretch my supply to the point where I normally would have hit up the pharmacy for a refill a good two weeks ago: but I won't need it til next week.
I'm proud ive done so well.
Some days I get major withdrawals, when I'm tapering down . I'm doing it fast. I want to be off it. (Side effects are outweighing benefits).

--- I've been able to muster up a little holiday spirit and am currently looking forward to December. That's a big PLUS for me.

--- projects I have planned to do but haven't begun are still not begun. I'm trying hard to gather up some interest. Meanwhile I have done well in household chores n self care. Not nearly as "down" as I could be. For that I'm grateful too.


I hope everyone is well and have their needs met. My thoughts are so often full of those who do NOT; and mindful always that Some are suffering. God bless them.
 
^ Indeed. God bless them.

bptubbs said:
Hardcore looking at some apartments in a couple cities. Really digging chicago despite the cold
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I have had that experience and cold did not matter at all. It think it's mostly about the neighborhood you choose.
 
Cold weather kills me anymore, but I really do dig chicago. The couple times I've been I've really enjoyed it, actually stayed up there for a couple weeks one time, with this local chick I had hooked up with. Beautiful city, and not too far of a move, or expensive 2000 bucks will get me going and set up for a month or so.
 
Who does right? But Chicago is worth it IMO.

I know that may be more than obvious to you but it all depends on how you choose to dress. I was once working in Canada for the entire winter - as from October to May. It's amazing how most people seem to have that problem of being cold checked. You adapt on how to use your layers, especially those that are breathable thermal base. I used to wear at least two layers + one warm coat, those made from Goose Down. You spend money once and it lasts for years and years.

The problem for me is that after some time you get depressed, people tend to be on the worst moods but as long as it's clear with few sunny days, I would go for it. You'll get use to this. Wish you all the luck! You have one great option, besides the summer in Illinois is pretty awesome. :)

Take care.
Erik
 
Yeah I'm actually from the southern half of the state, if anyone knew I was thinking chicago if probably be lynched. Your definitely right about the layering. And yes illinois summers rival the spring in the southwest.
 
School is really bumming me out lately.
I procrastinate to no end and then stress when I dont get work done on time and or fail. I was hoping returning to a subject I enjoyed would prove a different experience but its only been worse.

Im vastly improving in most other areas but this school shit weighs on me and seems to drag me down.

I wonder if ots time to just throw in the towel (at least for now)
 
Hello guys. I wasn't here for several months. I used to have a struggle with oxycodone and come here about it.

Then I moved from my old town in June and I was clean for over 5 months (until just recently). Until I decided to take Buprenorphine...

I don't feel catastrophic about it. What perplexes me the most is how unenergetic and depressed I felt all those months. It's like drugs became my least problem in the end because I was constantly so tired. I have read about PAWS and such, and wonder if that was it? Can you have opioid PAWS for 5 months and feel just so slightly recovered?

I've also considered the possibility if I have become physically ill. Because I feel so mentally weak but also physically dysphoric maybe two days out of three... But I am procrastinating going to a doctor.

But something good came out of it. I have studied a lot of mathematics plus payed back debts and loans I had managed to aquire during my less productive years...

I just wanted to share this with you all.

P.S.

When I say I don't feel catastrophic about relapsing I don't mean taking drugs is anything I believe is okay for myself. It's something I wan't to strictly avoid in fact. But the problem I fear it will cause have been overshadowed by those 5 rough months... I feel confused 8(
 
bptubbs said:
Yeah I'm actually from the southern half of the state, if anyone knew I was thinking chicago if probably be lynched. Your definitely right about the layering. And yes illinois summers rival the spring in the southwest.
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I just moved away after almost 10 years of living in mid-state IL. The summers were just awful.

But Chicago fucking rules...I hope you get to move up there!
 
vlsol said:
Hello guys. I wasn't here for several months. I used to have a struggle with oxycodone and come here about it.

Then I moved from my old town in June and I was clean for over 5 months (until just recently). Until I decided to take Buprenorphine...

I don't feel catastrophic about it. What perplexes me the most is how unenergetic and depressed I felt all those months. It's like drugs became my least problem in the end because I was constantly so tired. I have read about PAWS and such, and wonder if that was it? Can you have opioid PAWS for 5 months and feel just so slightly recovered?

I've also considered the possibility if I have become physically ill. Because I feel so mentally weak but also physically dysphoric maybe two days out of three... But I am procrastinating going to a doctor.

But something good came out of it. I have studied a lot of mathematics plus payed back debts and loans I had managed to aquire during my less productive years...

I just wanted to share this with you all.

P.S.

When I say I don't feel catastrophic about relapsing I don't mean taking drugs is anything I believe is okay for myself. It's something I wan't to strictly avoid in fact. But the problem I fear it will cause have been overshadowed by those 5 rough months... I feel confused 8(
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Great to see you back on the forum, vlsol!

I can't quite tell from your post, are you on an ongoing buprenorphine regimen? Or was it a one-time deal type of thing?

The fatigue you're describing could very well be PAWS. But I wonder if it might not be an issue I've been struggling with myself... I've been off heroin for a little over a year now and I have the same kinds of issues...I'm exhausted most of the time, both physically and mentally. In my case, I think a lot of the issue is that I was using opioids to manage my ongoing depression. Since quitting, a lot of the symptoms that I had medicated away with dope have come back in a really strong way. So now I find myself ~7 years older than I was the last time I had to contend with these feelings, and it's somehow really tough to handle them well.

In any case, though, congrats on the 5 months! That's super awesome. <3
 
simco said:
But I wonder if it might not be an issue I've been struggling with myself... I've been off heroin for a little over a year now and I have the same kinds of issues...I'm exhausted most of the time, both physically and mentally. In my case, I think a lot of the issue is that I was using opioids to manage my ongoing depression. Since quitting, a lot of the symptoms that I had medicated away with dope have come back in a really strong way. So now I find myself ~7 years older than I was the last time I had to contend with these feelings, and it's somehow really tough to handle them well.
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I'm so sorry to hear that simco. Do you have physical sensations from the depression too, e.g. bodily dysphoria? Do you feel like it is slowly improving or is life just generally tough :(. My best hope about all of this, when it gets too bad, is that it is all just temporary, like a nightmare, and one day the good life shall return. Plus I must not forget there are days which I feel really good too. I'm sure you also have days were life is fine, amidst the hardship. Right?

Although I know one thing I can do. I have had an infection in my wisdoom tooth that I've just ignored out of apathy. I'm sure if I go to the doctor about it and let it heal, I will feel slightly better.

Thank's for your kind words man, I appreciate them.
 
simco said:
I can't quite tell from your post, are you on an ongoing buprenorphine regimen? Or was it a one-time deal type of thing?
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I don't know myself yet. The use was illicit (black market source). I don't feel like opiates can "save me". It all happened after my old dealer had contacted me after I removed the number from the blocklist. I didn't think they would contact me again and I felt mean blocking / ignoring people. But I put them back there.

After having been free from oxycodone the best way I could describe addiction was like quicksand. Going against it was like going against the weather or trying to defy gravitation. The only thing that mattered was that I didn't want to be addicted and with time and patience it could be realized.
 
bptubbs said:
Yeah I'm actually from the southern half of the state, if anyone knew I was thinking chicago if probably be lynched. Your definitely right about the layering. And yes illinois summers rival the spring in the southwest.
Click to expand...


Holy moly we're neighbors!
 
Born in eastern Iowa
Currently located in central Iowa
Spend lots of time in northern Iowa ( where my kids all live)
 
Right on Iowa's pretty cool, especially this time of year. Pun intended
 
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