• MDMA &
    Empathogenic
    Drugs

    Welcome Guest!
  • MDMA Moderators:

am i good to roll this week?

I am schizo, yes. I'd like to think this gives me strength but at times I do need feedback to keep my perspective straight. By strength I refer mostly to the aloofness but now I've lost that thanks to the mood swings so things have become a little complicated.

How much is a low dose? I tried 3.7, 1.5, 1.5 and 1.1mg per KG so far.

I don't feel uneasy thinking about it, that starts after I begin making preparations to do it. Does anyone know of any anti-anxiety that is safe to use with mdma? I've been suggested valium and xanax before but told they just dampen the roll. Are these my best bet?
 
Inds said:
Hi suidomreh, I didn't roll this week because I fell ill with the flu so I'll be waiting 2 weeks anyway. I know I need to calm down but I can't. I need to find some kind of distraction until the comeup kicks in but I can't think of anything engaging enough. Since my second roll, rolling itself quickly became the only thing in my life that I was looking forward to. I know that's bad. But that's why its hard to become truly engaged in something distracting enough. I'm thinking of watching a movie or anime or playing a video game (nothing violent, I know).

I won't take anything else. I quit Buspirone 4 months ago. That shit is what made me sick in June in the first place. I get gastrointestinal problems maybe 2-3 times a year. On Buspar, I was getting it 2-3 times a month.
You sound knowledgeable about mixing Buspar with MDMA tho. Have you tried it?

Thanks for the post. I guess it's unfair to ask you guys to promise me I won't get a bad trip if I can't make the same assurance that I won't be psyching out over the last one. But then let me phrase it differently:
During the bad trip I was on Buspirone plus I was sick and angry. Next trip, none of those 3 things will be present. Can I still get a bad trip if I'm anxious and keep anticipating the comeup? Or will the panic attacks at least be more manageable? I had two during the good trip in April but I quickly got them under control and the nice pleasures resumed.
Click to expand...
Yes I have taken Buspar/Buspirone with MDMA, it just reduced the roll effects for me, making it feel like I took only 1/2 - 2/3 of my dose. Buspar/Buspirone is just a shitty medicine in general. Only a few get any use out of it and I am certainly not one of them. The side effects make any possible minor benefits not worth. I think anxiety in the come up is normal, I get it every single time. But then the MDMA kicks in literally in an instant and my anxiety is gone. You don't have to be dead focused on anything. Just do something simple, like watch some TV or a video. If you are out then maybe talk to some people or try to play a game or watch something on your phone until it kicks in. Just keep telling yourself, "the MDMA is safe, this anxiety is normal, and it will stop soon and I will be rolling."
 
How much Buspar were you taking? What side effects did it cause you? Did you skip a dose on the day of the roll?

I feel like I do have to be dead focused otherwise I will think negative thoughts and anticipate the comeup. Watching a video I'm only marginally interested in will not get enough of my attention, my thoughts will easily drift away to being nervous about the roll. And when I take away all the cynical, gory, violent shit, I'm left with little material to work with but I guess I can try to watch a movie that I haven't seen.
I do believe you about the roll kicking in instantly. During the bad trip in June, I only had a progressively-increasing wave of negativity with no other effects for the first 40 minutes. Then all of a sudden I just blinked and I was in that familiar MDMA state. I don't remember if this instant kick-in happened the last 2 times before that, but it is interesting. I'm hoping to be in a carefree, relaxed state right before the kick-in occurs. I have conflicting thoughts over whether to have a remote tripsitter. I don't trust my methhead friend because we both mutually berate each other for our drug use and I don't know what kind of gay shit he might yell into the microphone, lol. Theres also the fact that bonding with people makes me uncomfortable which is something ecstasy happens to do and what triggered my first bad trip when I was on the phone with my social worker during the peak. So I dunno, what do you think?

Thank you again for the support. You dont know how nice it is to be able to talk with someone in a similar boat, especially one who was on Buspirone as well.
 
Inds said:
I am schizo, yes. I'd like to think this gives me strength but at times I do need feedback to keep my perspective straight. By strength I refer mostly to the aloofness but now I've lost that thanks to the mood swings so things have become a little complicated.

How much is a low dose? I tried 3.7, 1.5, 1.5 and 1.1mg per KG so far.

I don't feel uneasy thinking about it, that starts after I begin making preparations to do it. Does anyone know of any anti-anxiety that is safe to use with mdma? I've been suggested valium and xanax before but told they just dampen the roll. Are these my best bet?
Click to expand...
Well, whether it's thinking about your upcoming roll or making the preparations or... that triggers your anxiety, something is definitely triggering it. I would first look to work on that until you don't experience this anymore in stead of pushing through and going ahead with your roll. You might have a good time but it might also put you in an even worse place

I have two examples from my own experiences that might be relevant

Firstly, someone very close to me developed an anxiety disorder following a serious bad trip on THC edibles. She had a lot of the things you describe and the symptoms were also triggered by certain situations. This worsened because she tried to push it away in stead of confronting it. It got to a point where she would get full blown panic attacks during MDMA rolls, just because something about that reminded her of that night she had a bad trip. And every roll it would worsen. She quit taking all drugs for a while and in stead got help for the core issue causing this anxiety. This enabled her to enjoy MDMA again but it took her a good while to fully get to terms with that experience. Point being that bad drug experiences can cause deeply ingrained issues that usually worsen with continued use. The core issue needs to be addressed and for that, therapy is sometimes needed (you might already be in therapy, then this would be good to bring up). More drugs will usually not help and it's not a risk you should take, since it could make it worse in stead of better

Secondly two of my former best mates, brothers, both have schizophrenia. They weren't diagnosed yet when they started using drugs. I am not going to tell much about this because it is very personal but they are in their mid twenties and they are damaged beyond repair. They will never have anything even approaching a normal life because they, against my attempts to get them out, let their drug use spiral completely out of control. It worsened their condition by a tenfold and triggered a multitude of other psychological issues. It was mostly coke & MDMA. They too initially felt better during and after rolling so they started self-medicating with it. Now this is a very extreme example and they also had a very very rough childhood that attributed to this so this will likely not happen to you. But since your story made me remember them I thought I'd share it with you

Please, please tread carefully. Chances are you would be fine rolling but that is not worth running the risk of causing you even more psychological issues
 
Hey Bluebull, no time to type right now as i'm in a hurry but can you send me a PM? You talk about core issues but I just have blanks right now, I will answer the most personal question honestly if you think you can identify my core issue. thanks.
 
Inds said:
...
But since that bad roll, I've been having mood swings where the peaks keep getting lower and lower and the depressive periods getting longer and more common. So now I'm on a permanent diet of 5-HTP which has restabilized me back to baseline. But this only cured the depression, not the anxiety.
Click to expand...

Haven't you tried, instead of using 5-HTP directly, change your diet and eat a lot of chicken, protein, peanuts and banana? (IE, food that is known to have a good amount of 5HTP)
 
I eat chicken occasionally, not all the time. Peanuts, rarely and bananas I should eat more often as I like them. Put simply it is cheaper to spend $20 for over a month's supply of 5-HTP than $10 for 2 days supply of chicken.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top