Legally High
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2014
- Messages
- 224
I was the smartest and most innocent kid, all the teachers loved me. But I've always been horribly anxious socially and in general, and after graduating high school I tried weed for the first real time. It was magical.....like living in a dream. I used it and felt panicky when I ran out. I felt like I really had a mental problem before this though. I had OCD habits since about puberty. Real.....hardcore......OCD in a way that people may act as if they have it for keeping things a certain way. For me it was much more powerful than this. It was about all aspects of my life. From religion, to numbers, to writing a t and and becoming anxious because it was like a cross and it needed to be a certain way, to writing scribbles by my bed from the thoughts and anxiety. Anxiety became my being. I wanted to retreat, I never felt right. I've been addicted to things since puberty and even before with video games and then masterbation then caffiene stimulant body building supplements, then grass then that was the tipping point, the grass, it's when I first was dependent on a drug I felt was powerful enough to and get seriously messed up on a daily basis.
I have used every drug, all the prescription non prescription highs, illicit, obscure, I've used it. I once was a kid who vowed never to say "shut up" that was the kind of person I was. So pure. And believing in good. I was like a hero. The strongest morals you can imagine. Little did I know one day I would be stealing pills from family members and friends, using until I was in torture from withdrawals. So sick I would beg my mother not to leave me. She did to go somewhere and I was full of betrayment as if my mother didn't care. When logically that makes no sense looking back. Drugs put me to shame. I damaged my organs. My gifted brain. I still have not overcome this disease. I take prescription medications daily and go through phases of abuse. Even though I've been to jail withdrawing from 5 drugs at the same time, opiates, benzos, weed, max dose Zoloft, long term phenibut addiction. The withdrawal in jail, I've never had a nightmare that even came close to
I have used every drug, all the prescription non prescription highs, illicit, obscure, I've used it. I once was a kid who vowed never to say "shut up" that was the kind of person I was. So pure. And believing in good. I was like a hero. The strongest morals you can imagine. Little did I know one day I would be stealing pills from family members and friends, using until I was in torture from withdrawals. So sick I would beg my mother not to leave me. She did to go somewhere and I was full of betrayment as if my mother didn't care. When logically that makes no sense looking back. Drugs put me to shame. I damaged my organs. My gifted brain. I still have not overcome this disease. I take prescription medications daily and go through phases of abuse. Even though I've been to jail withdrawing from 5 drugs at the same time, opiates, benzos, weed, max dose Zoloft, long term phenibut addiction. The withdrawal in jail, I've never had a nightmare that even came close to