TDS In a downward spiral and possibly moving into the long-term stages of drug addiction

[Rifters360]

Ah, well as my title says I believe I am moving into the first stages of long term drug addiction and am reeling from the effects8)8)8). But whats the good new you might ask? Well I'M ONLY 24!!! So I have had a typical junkie journey starting at the ripe age of 12-13 with stints of oxycodone abuse and then moving towards 15-16 Heroin was introduced in to the mix. However it wasn't until after a long opana binge (2 years) that I found Heroin to be a better alternative due to the skyrocketing prices. IN between all this were various stages of addiction with minor jail stays and visits to different treatment facilities after I turned 18. Then came a year of methadone maintenance topping out at a whopping 75mg(I know not that much as I feared irreversible effects). After that I successfully detoxed with the help of this forum and using a short acting opiate then buprenorphine taper of like 10 days. At this time I am now 20. I am facing 40 months in prison, of which I serve 29 months, I remain clean a total of 38 months from opiates. Im not including other drugs as it would be too much typing(but there was heavy marijuana use always and a little coke and crack use after I turned 18. Now I relapse for about a year and am now on the buprenorphine maintenance. My problem is that I feel I will never get off of it. And whats worse I feel as though this isn't the right medication for me as somedays it works and others it doesn't. And I find myself playing with and trying to shoot dope and bounce back on it. In this time I have precipitated withdrawals 4 times. I have also OD'ed once in that year. Previously I had OD'ed 4 times. SO my question is now that I tried to jump ship at 3mg a day(in a delusional fever dream of gusto to be "clean" whatever the fuck that means).I felt like my body was shutting down I tried to switch to short acting opiates then hydrocodone then tramadol over about a week then tried to use kratom( which did not go well as the first table spoon I ate was awful but worked and then dosed through out the day but come the second day i woke up tried to eat 10g puked everywhere then tried 7g and puked everywhere even worse then ate some trams and felt better. After that I know that my health has deteriorated quite a bit my body feels fragile. the next day I try to use 60mg of dxm in combo with 18mg loperamide which I managed to go 20 hrs before giving up completely as I had not slept and missed class and quit my job. I sniffed ~2.9 mg and am feeling about 70%. Now in this downward spiral I have also been arrested again. So the need to detox might be necesary my question is though, at this point I feel like a lifer. Any thoughts as how to recover my mind as playing doctor isn't working like I had hoped this time around. LOL Who woulda thought and should I dose again later today as this would count as an induction?

 

[SebastianSkip]

Hi

I don’t have a similar history with addiction tho I imagine others here do and have known people with similar challenges.

I will say what feels endless and even by all evidence appears endless will have an end. For me it was years of extreme anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation (& attempts). It went on for years but there was an end to it, I’m alive and while I have other challenges daily living isn’t a painful struggle. It’s kinda boring with some enjoyable moments (music and comedy mostly and food, food is pretty good).

Do you have access to a real dr? A friend of mine managed to get clean through psych meds, high doses of seroquel and Effexor. I get the impression that that medication numbed him enough that it created some space to deal with the addiction. It’s also something, I think you may still have access to even if incarcerated.

I’d see what others have to say but it may be worthwhile going to an ER and saying you’re suicidal. The goal would be to get admitted for a psych evaluation and maybe get a dual diagnosis. The people I’ve known with addiction this destructive have all needed psych help and gotten dual diagnosis. Maybe you’ve already been down this road but it might help. It’d also be good to hear what others have to say in this regard about mental health court. Again, maybe something you already know about and something I don’t know first hand but through others, my impression is your outcomes legally could be better if the mental health part is included with legal.

Wishing you well and some peacefullness.

 

[Rifters360]

Thanks Skip. Yea I have been assessed by mental heath and am dual diagnosis but currently im on shit insurance and they are barely paying for my bupe doctor and prescriptions. So also Im in city that isn't very progressive. They mostly lock up people with mental health or addiction in the "bible belt". My father has been trying to get me into acupuncture and some mental health stuff through his insurance so hopefully in the coming months I will have access to better care as the county facilities are horrendous. But the ER thing may work I just have to time it with school. but who knows. at this point i will try anything to get clean its just not worth it what goes up must come down and id rather not feel like death half of my waking moments. My court stuff is relatively minor so the mental health stuff will def be beneficial.

 

[johnnypotsmoker199]

Ah, well as my title says I believe I am moving into the first stages of long term drug addiction and am reeling from the effects8)8)8). But whats the good new you might ask? Well I'M ONLY 24!!! So I have had a typical junkie journey starting at the ripe age of 12-13 with stints of oxycodone abuse and then moving towards 15-16 Heroin was introduced in to the mix. However it wasn't until after a long opana binge (2 years) that I found Heroin to be a better alternative due to the skyrocketing prices. IN between all this were various stages of addiction with minor jail stays and visits to different treatment facilities after I turned 18. Then came a year of methadone maintenance topping out at a whopping 75mg(I know not that much as I feared irreversible effects). After that I successfully detoxed with the help of this forum and using a short acting opiate then buprenorphine taper of like 10 days. At this time I am now 20. I am facing 40 months in prison, of which I serve 29 months, I remain clean a total of 38 months from opiates. Im not including other drugs as it would be too much typing(but there was heavy marijuana use always and a little coke and crack use after I turned 18. Now I relapse for about a year and am now on the buprenorphine maintenance. My problem is that I feel I will never get off of it. And whats worse I feel as though this isn't the right medication for me as somedays it works and others it doesn't. And I find myself playing with and trying to shoot dope and bounce back on it. In this time I have precipitated withdrawals 4 times. I have also OD'ed once in that year. Previously I had OD'ed 4 times. SO my question is now that I tried to jump ship at 3mg a day(in a delusional fever dream of gusto to be "clean" whatever the fuck that means).I felt like my body was shutting down I tried to switch to short acting opiates then hydrocodone then tramadol over about a week then tried to use kratom( which did not go well as the first table spoon I ate was awful but worked and then dosed through out the day but come the second day i woke up tried to eat 10g puked everywhere then tried 7g and puked everywhere even worse then ate some trams and felt better. After that I know that my health has deteriorated quite a bit my body feels fragile. the next day I try to use 60mg of dxm in combo with 18mg loperamide which I managed to go 20 hrs before giving up completely as I had not slept and missed class and quit my job. I sniffed ~2.9 mg and am feeling about 70%. Now in this downward spiral I have also been arrested again. So the need to detox might be necesary my question is though, at this point I feel like a lifer. Any thoughts as how to recover my mind as playing doctor isn't working like I had hoped this time around. LOL Who woulda thought and should I dose again later today as this would count as an induction?

Ex-opiate/heroin addict. Run away from heroin, as fast as possible and all opiates for that matter. Its difficult, try methadone to see if that helps or suboxone.

Just don't allow heroin to dominate your life as it is and has. You must conquer the addiction and I recommend methadone.

 

[SebastianSkip]

It sounds like your father is advocating for you which is great even if you’re not seeing results right now that tells me you’re on the path to getting help. I did acupuncture for chronic pain and it helped for everything, I don’t get how/why but it did. I hope you can see an acupuncturist. It’s one of the handful of things I found helpful.

Ugh, I had to go through a County for mental health treatment. It was pretty hellish. Later I managed to access a therapist and psych dr in private practice and it was like a different world. Honestly I’m not sure they were really better professionals (one worked for County too, so, same product different packaging). Thing about County was more that there were these humiliating aspects ... like, I always felt like I was supposed to feel grateful for crumbs of help because it was always a prolonged hassle to even get seen by someone. The mental health system isn’t very conducive to mental health!!!

Hang in there, I’m rooting for you!

 

[SebastianSkip]

p.s. if you haven’t been fully upfront & honest with your father about your drug use, now is the time. You’re not thinking clearly if you’re getting high (even if not today but yesterday) and it’s important someone invested in your well being knows the extent of your issues so they can help you make good/best decisions ��

 

[Rifters360]

yea i thought about switching to methadone but I don't want to go to the clinic again and it was a better alternative. It just was better for my biological make up. And yea I live in a heroin hot spot right now and run into heroin on a monthly basis around here i said no a lot until I finally said yes. So thats one thing, and you are totally right I have to take control and stop letting the drugs control me. and Im back on buprenorphine as of today (zubsolv 5.7mg/1.4)