Rough sex and love.

[Reyhoney]

Can a man have really dominiating BDSM sex with me (which I consent to and enjoy) where he gets to spank me, belt me, cane me, slap me, choke me and even spit on me or in my mouth and call me his whore and slut and still be in love with me?

I guess I’m struggling that someone who loves me would want to slap me on the face. I know it must just be my subconscious and it’s stemming from societal norms but I can’t help feel unloved when this happens, even though I enjoy how it feels physically and he always asks me beforehand.

 

[Star-in-a-bra]

Yes, people who like BDSM are still human in all the usual ways I understand what you say about the brain not catching up... that is maybe telling you to take it slower or talk about it some more with your partner. If someone is capable of doing those things to you then they should be having open and honest conversations about all this stuff. Your limits, desires, your fears and concerns etc etc and a plan of how to go about these things with input from you. It's very easy to do the spanking, but are they strong enough to do the other mature stuff.

I had a time once when I was feeling very bad reactions to how I was being treated, it wasn't abuse as such, but there is a fine line I think, more like neglect, which is a form of abuse in it's own way. I didn't feel respected and so being hurt by this person made me quite emotional and the brain knew there was something up.

After care is important, being looked after a little and checked you're okay. Made a cuppa tea, cuddles and a movie snuggled up on the sofa or somehting. Even if he has to go, do it yourself and look after yourself. And keep an eye out on how he treats you. That should tell you what you need.

Hope that helps a little, don't lose your voice through it. And I think bdsm between two people who love each other can be even better with the bond it brings. Happy days

 

[Reyhoney]

Yes, people who like BDSM are still human in all the usual ways I understand what you say about the brain not catching up... that is maybe telling you to take it slower or talk about it some more with your partner. If someone is capable of doing those things to you then they should be having open and honest conversations about all this stuff. Your limits, desires, your fears and concerns etc etc and a plan of how to go about these things with input from you. It's very easy to do the spanking, but are they strong enough to do the other mature stuff.

I had a time once when I was feeling very bad reactions to how I was being treated, it wasn't abuse as such, but there is a fine line I think, more like neglect, which is a form of abuse in it's own way. I didn't feel respected and so being hurt by this person made me quite emotional and the brain knew there was something up.

After care is important, being looked after a little and checked you're okay. Made a cuppa tea, cuddles and a movie snuggled up on the sofa or somehting. Even if he has to go, do it yourself and look after yourself. And keep an eye out on how he treats you. That should tell you what you need.

Hope that helps a little, don't lose your voice through it. And I think bdsm between two people who love each other can be even better with the bond it brings. Happy days

Thank you so much! This really does help me understand it better, this being so new and there are no good resources online that explains things like this so I appreciate you doing this and understand where I’m coming from.

I guess I’m still just learning and maybe I bargained more than I could handle cause I’ve always liked challenges and frankly I didn’t want to let him down, but I don’t want to dislike him for it or end up crying mid sex.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

That sounds a bit much to me. I wouldn’t let someone slap me in the face or spit in my mouth. Light choking is hot, slapping my ass and taking control.

You said you feel unloved when that happens so there’s your answer. It seems way too rough for you. I enjoy loving sex, not someone treating me like a pornstar whore.

 

[pofacedhoe]

if you dont like it dont do it

saying that my friend is into this shit and she reports the same thing

you need to have a talk down at the end where you relax together and make it clear its just playing out a fantasy

she says it can really mess with your head

 

[Terry G.]

Of course, its all the fantasy. you just may need to set up a safe word and if he ignores your request then thats a problem. It just depends on how far you want to go.

 

[amnesiaseizure]

And yes, there are loads of resources on the net for this type of thing, just do a search for BDSM beginners/safety/aftercare etc. It's true that this can happily coexist within a loving relationship but the element of communication HAS to be present. Talk to him about how you are feeling and if he can't listen then yes, you have a problem.

 

[ConstanceG]

I went through this personally. I think it really depends on who YOU are, too.
IME, it was hot...but it was hot because he wanted it so much. It also became the only thing he seemed to want. I don't mind giving if I am also happy. It has to be a two-way street. People who say sex doesn't affect the emotions can probably have no issues with it. I found it hot, but degrading sometimes, too. I know I am overly emotional at times. Really just depends IMHO.