I don't know how to cope with my self harm scars. Every time I think about them or see them they make me want to cut myself again, I feel like I just want to cut them away. Every time I go out or do anything I remember them, because I need to cover them up. I feel like I'm going to be dealing with this for the rest of my life.
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How do you cope with seeing self harm scars all the time?
- Thread starter Jackplays
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Maybe talk to a tattoo artist about getting some work done to cover up the scars or at least make them less apparent, although tattoos tend to draw attention and may become a conversation topic. Unfortunately I don't know of another way other than with clothing, which may not be practical year around.
Unfortunately some mistakes will follow us around for quite some time. My criminal record is something that I will likely be dealing with for the next decade and likely it will continue to impact the direction and outcome of my life.
Unfortunately some mistakes will follow us around for quite some time. My criminal record is something that I will likely be dealing with for the next decade and likely it will continue to impact the direction and outcome of my life.
It's not just about being able to cover them up, it's about being able to forget they exist. I already wear a jacket year round, 24/7 and am not old enough to get tattoos yet, tho Im thinking that's what I'm planning on doing the day I turn 18, I'm just scared that I'll get frustrated over something and cut myself again. Even though I haven't really cut myself in the past 2ish years and not at all in the past 6 months the urge to do it is very strong alot of the times, just thinking about it makes me want to do it.
JessFR
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I used to cut myself too, long ago before I found drugs. Like you I would just cover the scars with clothes. They will go away. It'll take a very long time, but they do fade. Most of mine are gone, and the ones that aren't are barely noticeable. But it took many years before that happened.
I would focus on the issues you're facing that make you want to hurt yourself in the first place. For my I simply switched from coping with cutting to coping with drugs, which I wouldn't recommend. There's lots of alternatives they tell you to try apart from cutting. Red markers, ice, etc, I never found any of that shit particularly helpful. I did find cutting somewhere less obvious still gave me the feeling I was looking for that the other suggestions didn't. It's not a great solution by any means. But most other suggestions I heard didn't work at all.
All I can recommend is trying to get help to cope with whatever is compelling you to do it to start with. In the mean time, covering it up and tattoos are both options. I'd be cautious about getting tattoos if you might regret it. The scars take a long time to fade but the tattoos will be there a lot longer than that.
Good luck, if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to you're welcome to contact me if you like.
I would focus on the issues you're facing that make you want to hurt yourself in the first place. For my I simply switched from coping with cutting to coping with drugs, which I wouldn't recommend. There's lots of alternatives they tell you to try apart from cutting. Red markers, ice, etc, I never found any of that shit particularly helpful. I did find cutting somewhere less obvious still gave me the feeling I was looking for that the other suggestions didn't. It's not a great solution by any means. But most other suggestions I heard didn't work at all.
All I can recommend is trying to get help to cope with whatever is compelling you to do it to start with. In the mean time, covering it up and tattoos are both options. I'd be cautious about getting tattoos if you might regret it. The scars take a long time to fade but the tattoos will be there a lot longer than that.
Good luck, if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to you're welcome to contact me if you like.
From what I understand, a lot of the relief brought on by self harm has to do with endorphins that are released. They are similar to opioids and are often called the bodies natural pain killer or opiate. I'm sure your reasons are a bit more complicated and go beyond just "it feels good afterward" but maybe other activities that release endorphins can help take away some of the urge to cut yourself. Things like exercise can also stimulate the release of endorphins.
The truth is even if you had them covered up you will still know that they are there. I don't really think forgetting they exist is going to be a possible solution.. even if the scars go away I doubt it is likely that you would forget that you've cut yourself.
Have you talked to anyone else about why you self harm? Do any of your friends know or do you feel like it's a huge secret? I would think always wearing a jacket because you have something to hide can't be fun... it would seem like it might keep you from social activities like swimming or going to a river/lake. If it's something you aren't currently doing maybe talking about it with someone who isn't going to judge you will be a bit of a relief. Carrying around a secret is burdensome.
What sort of things make you want to self harm?
The truth is even if you had them covered up you will still know that they are there. I don't really think forgetting they exist is going to be a possible solution.. even if the scars go away I doubt it is likely that you would forget that you've cut yourself.
Have you talked to anyone else about why you self harm? Do any of your friends know or do you feel like it's a huge secret? I would think always wearing a jacket because you have something to hide can't be fun... it would seem like it might keep you from social activities like swimming or going to a river/lake. If it's something you aren't currently doing maybe talking about it with someone who isn't going to judge you will be a bit of a relief. Carrying around a secret is burdensome.
What sort of things make you want to self harm?
JessFR
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In my experience, people who cut come as two types.
One cuts because they feel numb and like they can't feel anything, so they cut so they can feel something and feel real, usually associated with disassociation and personality disorders.
The other cuts because they feel too much pain and for whatever reason cutting lessons that pain, probably by distraction and endorphins as you said.
I was the second type, which is probably the more common of the two reasons. And tends to be associated with histories of trauma, abuse and severe depression. Really both types are but one is more likely to also be experiencing personality or disassociative disorders compelling the behavior. There's lots of overlap, it isn't a clear cut rule. Just what tends to be the case and consistent with what I've read on the subject and first hand experience.
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I've sat with this for a day. I too cut. You have gotten some good feedback already.
I started cutting when I was 12 (was sexually assaulted). I did it in class and wrote notes to my friends in blood. Then I stopped cutting in high school and started drinking and smoking pot.
I didn't start cutting again until I was in my early 30s and was 1 1/2 years clean. It made my emotional pain more tangible.
I've been cutting off and on since (or burning myself). I've found that Dialectical Behaviour Therapy helped me deal with my overwhelming feelings that led me to cut. Now I try to avoid self harm but it doesn't always work.
My scars don't bother me as I really don't care what people think. I don't even notice if people look or not. And for the most part people don't notice unless you have a gaping bloody wound.
Maybe concealer and/or foundation could help lessen your scars' appearances.
Self acceptance is key to peace. May you find some.
I started cutting when I was 12 (was sexually assaulted). I did it in class and wrote notes to my friends in blood. Then I stopped cutting in high school and started drinking and smoking pot.
I didn't start cutting again until I was in my early 30s and was 1 1/2 years clean. It made my emotional pain more tangible.
I've been cutting off and on since (or burning myself). I've found that Dialectical Behaviour Therapy helped me deal with my overwhelming feelings that led me to cut. Now I try to avoid self harm but it doesn't always work.
My scars don't bother me as I really don't care what people think. I don't even notice if people look or not. And for the most part people don't notice unless you have a gaping bloody wound.
Maybe concealer and/or foundation could help lessen your scars' appearances.
Self acceptance is key to peace. May you find some.
JessFR
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Dialectical behavior therapy is a good suggestion. I haven't persued it myself, though I really probably should. It's got a lot of evidence behind it for treating the kind of issues that also tend to cause people to self harm. Borderline personality disorder in particular, especially stemming from childhood abuse and particularly childhood sexual abuse of which I'm also a survivor of. All of it has a lot of overlap with self harm and the causes of self harm.
Like I said, I should probably look into it myself, I've been told that a few times but until very recently my heroin addiction has consumed every waking moment of my life for a long time.
Like I said, I should probably look into it myself, I've been told that a few times but until very recently my heroin addiction has consumed every waking moment of my life for a long time.
Thanks for the advice, but I guess I'm looking for an answer that doesn't exist. I don't think actually going to someone is an option, last time I did my parents just put me in a hospital, and I don't have anyone besides my parents. I don't really care about covering them up since I don't have friends to do anything with. Looking into it, I feel like I might have seasonal affective disorder since I usually start feeling bad during the fall and it gets worse as it becomes winter, but I don't know how to fix it on my own.
JessFR
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I’m sorry to hear that. I’d like to be able to help, as I’m sure many others here would, but I don’t know what options you might have.
But I do know how bad depression and emotional and family problems can be. Just know if you ever want someone to talk to you’re more than welcome to PM me.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help. But remember, scars do fade, often in time they eventually go away completely. It won’t always be like this. Much as it can feel like it. Good luck.
I don’t have seasonal affective disorder, but my emotional state is light sensitive. I’ve often noticed I start getting more depressed at night. And it’s more than just having less to do, or having fewer people around or more time to think. It can be that nothing whatsoever has changed but as the sun goes down I notice how I’m thinking becomes far more negative. It’s amazing how the light can screw with your emotions.
But I do know how bad depression and emotional and family problems can be. Just know if you ever want someone to talk to you’re more than welcome to PM me.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help. But remember, scars do fade, often in time they eventually go away completely. It won’t always be like this. Much as it can feel like it. Good luck.
I don’t have seasonal affective disorder, but my emotional state is light sensitive. I’ve often noticed I start getting more depressed at night. And it’s more than just having less to do, or having fewer people around or more time to think. It can be that nothing whatsoever has changed but as the sun goes down I notice how I’m thinking becomes far more negative. It’s amazing how the light can screw with your emotions.
It sounds like your parents are concerned but just aren't sure how to deal with it. Have you tried explaining why you cut and that it's not attempted suicide? Finding out that someone you care is hurting themselves would be frightening, especially if you didn't understand it. If they refuse to accept that it isn't an attempted suicide(which is why I'm assuming they had you hospitalized) then I doubt it will do much good to continue to talk to them about it, unfortunately.
Have you spoken to a counselor or tried to find a support group in your area? Relating it to others might help with feeling isolated and alone which in turn might help you move forward.
Self-harm is much more common than most people think, it's just rarely talked about in public. You're not alone, as others have mentioned here. I've never cut myself but I don't hold any judgements towards people that do, instead I try to understand why. I'm a poly drug addict which in many ways can be considered a type of self-harm.. hopefully you can find people who understand and accept you as you are with out feeling a need to try and change or fix you. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped me understand myself better and why I do some of the things that I do. Hopefully you can find something that works for you.
It's not easy at first, but you are going to have to step out of your comfort zone if you want to move forward in life.. Sorry to hear that you're parents are not supportive. I come from an abusive household myself. It wasn't easy growing up and I thought about ending it all quite a bit from a very young age. At some point I decided that I wasn't going to let my struggles keep me from living life. I became very resentful of my father and used that resentment to make sure I got a job and got out of the house as soon as I turned 18.
Pushing yourself to do things that are at first uncomfortable can give you a lot of self-esteem. Exercise is a great one. I still remember some hikes I've gone on. Reaching the top of a difficult hike is very fulfilling and is a lot like overcoming difficulties in life. Along the way it is hard to see where you are trying to go and giving up is always the easier option, but if you push through and reach the top you will probably never forget.
There is no how-to manual for life.. sometimes you just have to get out there and make mistakes and learn from them. Don't let others make you feel ashamed, everyone makes mistakes and learns at their own pace. Believing in yourself can go a long way.
Pushing yourself to do things that are at first uncomfortable can give you a lot of self-esteem. Exercise is a great one. I still remember some hikes I've gone on. Reaching the top of a difficult hike is very fulfilling and is a lot like overcoming difficulties in life. Along the way it is hard to see where you are trying to go and giving up is always the easier option, but if you push through and reach the top you will probably never forget.
There is no how-to manual for life.. sometimes you just have to get out there and make mistakes and learn from them. Don't let others make you feel ashamed, everyone makes mistakes and learns at their own pace. Believing in yourself can go a long way.
yompf
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I have some intense scars i guess. 15-16 is when i did the worst of it. Cut my fore arms first , then moved to my upper arms where no one could see. Then my stomach. I wasn't living very well.. i think every single one got infected.
Really stupid , in my 20's , i started burning myself , i started carving stupid things. A few years ago actually. I'm 30 . Well i can never wear girl shirts or tank tops ever again.
The only visible ones are on my fore arms. BTW they stayed with me. The scars , they didn't really fade. Only some did. But most will be there the rest of my life... Ive thought about getting tattoos to cover em. Not sure how well that will work.
I know how you feel. I mean , as far as hiding them goes .
Like that system of a down song "chop suey" " wake up! Grab a brush and put a little make -up .Hide the scars to fade away the shake up!" anyway....
It gets better.... It really does . You are very young , and you have your whole life ahead of you. There's so much good in the world.. I mean... For all the bad... There is good.
Please love yourself( Im not speaking Chinese. )
What has your experience been like with therapy? I hated it . I was stubborn though, and it was forced (probation) looking back I wish i would of talked to someone.. it might of helped. I think talking about the sexual abuse I went through, would of helped me back then. Even though I didn't remember it enough to REALLY talk about it..( I know what my mom said about it..)
It would of helped to talk about the way I was feeling. They would of explained to me why I might be feeling that way.. it might of helped..
Jackplays.
Please don't hurt yourself anymore.....
Really stupid , in my 20's , i started burning myself , i started carving stupid things. A few years ago actually. I'm 30 . Well i can never wear girl shirts or tank tops ever again.
The only visible ones are on my fore arms. BTW they stayed with me. The scars , they didn't really fade. Only some did. But most will be there the rest of my life... Ive thought about getting tattoos to cover em. Not sure how well that will work.
I know how you feel. I mean , as far as hiding them goes .
Like that system of a down song "chop suey" " wake up! Grab a brush and put a little make -up .Hide the scars to fade away the shake up!" anyway....
It gets better.... It really does . You are very young , and you have your whole life ahead of you. There's so much good in the world.. I mean... For all the bad... There is good.
Please love yourself( Im not speaking Chinese. )
What has your experience been like with therapy? I hated it . I was stubborn though, and it was forced (probation) looking back I wish i would of talked to someone.. it might of helped. I think talking about the sexual abuse I went through, would of helped me back then. Even though I didn't remember it enough to REALLY talk about it..( I know what my mom said about it..)
It would of helped to talk about the way I was feeling. They would of explained to me why I might be feeling that way.. it might of helped..
Jackplays.
Please don't hurt yourself anymore.....
I'm sorry to hear that you cut yourself again. I'm sorry the pain is so overwhelming.
Maybe you can talk to a Guidance Counselor at school.
The more you stuff your pain down the worse it gets progressively and the more difficult to deal with. You start to get anxiety when you get close to the emotional point that you cut and end up repeating the behaviour that ended (shut off/made more manageable) your emotional/mental pain.
There is no quick fix for this. I first did Cognitive Behavioural Therapy before the Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. I did the DBT group twice, 2 years apart. ANY support group is better than none. There are many 12 Step groups out there, hospitals have mental health groups (where I did DBT). Many counselling agencies offer self help groups and a school guidance counselor is a place to start that your parents won't know about. There are agencies to help work through childhood sexual abuse and physical abuse.
Please don't give up hope. The path ahead of you won't be easy but YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Find someone that you are comfortable talking to. It's better to do this in person as typing gives too much time for thoughtful responses as opposed to spontaneous answers that may hold clues. Sometimes things blurt out and thats the real stuff that you are shutting off by cutting.
You will never know peace if you don't work on yourself. You have the power to do this Jackplays!
Maybe you can talk to a Guidance Counselor at school.
The more you stuff your pain down the worse it gets progressively and the more difficult to deal with. You start to get anxiety when you get close to the emotional point that you cut and end up repeating the behaviour that ended (shut off/made more manageable) your emotional/mental pain.
There is no quick fix for this. I first did Cognitive Behavioural Therapy before the Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. I did the DBT group twice, 2 years apart. ANY support group is better than none. There are many 12 Step groups out there, hospitals have mental health groups (where I did DBT). Many counselling agencies offer self help groups and a school guidance counselor is a place to start that your parents won't know about. There are agencies to help work through childhood sexual abuse and physical abuse.
Please don't give up hope. The path ahead of you won't be easy but YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Find someone that you are comfortable talking to. It's better to do this in person as typing gives too much time for thoughtful responses as opposed to spontaneous answers that may hold clues. Sometimes things blurt out and thats the real stuff that you are shutting off by cutting.
You will never know peace if you don't work on yourself. You have the power to do this Jackplays!
ConstanceG
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OP - it matters.
Every scar tells a story. You can cover them but they're there. They've become a part of you. Use them for their value-when you think of cutting, stare at those scars. And most of all...talk to someone. School counselors, a doc...you are old enough to get treatment. You are aware now...get some help. Keep us updated, please- we are here!!
Every scar tells a story. You can cover them but they're there. They've become a part of you. Use them for their value-when you think of cutting, stare at those scars. And most of all...talk to someone. School counselors, a doc...you are old enough to get treatment. You are aware now...get some help. Keep us updated, please- we are here!!