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How do you cope with seeing self harm scars all the time?

“They don't care that I cut, they've said in the past I only do it for attention.”

Yikes. For starters, that’s b.s. and I’m sorry they said this. People don’t understand and say a lot of stupid things (even mental health professionals!) because they don’t get it.

Lots of good feedback here. I’m not sure I have much to add except because you’re so young these scars have a good chance of fading to almost or totally unnoticeable some day. I know from experience that if one keeps doing self harm, we tend to do more extreme versions so anything you can do to distract yourself or find other ways to cope (start dancing wildly, run around the block, scream into your pillow, I’ve sat down and torn up blank spiral notebooks because to release the destructive impulse).

If you you can stop now that’d be awesome. If it happens again I hope you don’t beat yourself up about it, it’s because you don’t yet have the tools you need to do better.

As for your original question...

I’ve just gotten used to mine. At first I always covered a scar on my wrist and felt really self conscious with people standing near me, I probably even drew attention to it because I would see it exposed and pull on my sleeve in a panic to hide it. I also was always wearing long sleeves even tho it gets over 100 degrees where I live in summer. It sucked but...

one day I just stopped caring.

My scar didn’t fade. I even think it’s kinda cool looking tho I doubt many would share that view. Thing is, I don’t give a poop what people who might look down on me for it think. It’s a part of me and I’m not ashamed of it anymore. I’m one of the people who did it because I felt too much pain. It’s sad I learned to cope with the pain by being self destructive but that’s what happened and I’m not ashamed for being human and sensitive and hurt.

Sometimes I still don’t like that I can’t as easily hide my past but hiding made things worse not better so in a weird way it may be for the best. I’m a survivor and that’s what the scars say to me now.

I try to follow this old expression...
those who matter don’t mind, and those who do mind don’t matter.
 
Looking at my scars from cutting. Most you can't really see any more. But yeah there are some you can still see. Seems to depend on how deep the cut was to start with.

If you can't find a way to cope without cutting at the moment. Perhaps you could cut shallower. Shallow cuts seem to disappear completely a lot more often than deeper ones. At least that seems to be what happened to mine. Another option may be cutting in less conspicuous places. Obviously it would be better if you could find a way to cope where you didn't cut at all. But I wasn't able to till I started using drugs, so I know it's not that easy to do.

I wish I could help you more I really do. Your parents obviously don't appreciate what's going on, which is very sad.
 
I was in a similar spot at your age. I'm 27 now. I completely and totally regret my scars now....cutting helped me get by back then, but now I just wish I could get rid of all the scars. My arms are fucked up pretty badly with scars. I plan to get a sleeve on one arm to cover alot of them, but tattoos cost money and I just can't afford it right now. I always feel self conscious in public and avoid wearing short sleeves if at all possible....even in summer. I'm just ashamed. Even though my scars are old and faded. People still stare.

My advice to you would be to try to think of your future self. I wish I had thought of that when I was younger, but I saw no future in sight. Life WILL get better. I moved out of my mother's house the very second I turned 18 and I never looked back. I don't regret it. I hated my mother, still do and always will, but that's another story. There is life beyond what you have now. I know it doesn't feel like it when you're not yet 18 and can't get out on your own but there is life beyond what you're feeling now. Trust me. And you should be alive and well to see it. Don't scar your body to hell and back now. It isn't worth it.
 
I think another reason people cut (or otherwise self-harm) is about control. I think that's what it was for me. There was not one single solitary aspect of my life I felt control over. I also think this is why cutting is first seen emerging in adolescence--a time where we desperately want to control our own lives but often cannot even in the most basic ways. Learning to manage emotions, to develop a healthy relationship with adversity and pain is a struggle but it is worthy struggle. I ran away thinking that would put me in control. The truth is that until I got control of my own mind my life was the same familiar hell whether it was at home, in a psych ward, on the streets or sitting in a beautiful place surrounded by friends.

Have you ever tried substituting ice for cutting? People sometimes find that an effective way to break the cycle.
 
herbavore said:
I think another reason people cut (or otherwise self-harm) is about control. I think that's what it was for me. There was not one single solitary aspect of my life I felt control over. I also think this is why cutting is first seen emerging in adolescence--a time where we desperately want to control our own lives but often cannot even in the most basic ways. Learning to manage emotions, to develop a healthy relationship with adversity and pain is a struggle but it is worthy struggle. I ran away thinking that would put me in control. The truth is that until I got control of my own mind my life was the same familiar hell whether it was at home, in a psych ward, on the streets or sitting in a beautiful place surrounded by friends.

Have you ever tried substituting ice for cutting? People sometimes find that an effective way to break the cycle.
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I didn't suggest ice cause in my experience those kinda things never work well enough to really substitute for it. Did it work for you? Or anyone you know of? I ask cause generally I barely even try recommending it to people because I've never seen it work. But if you have had success with it or know anyone who has I'd be more inclined to recommend it to people.

When I was cutting I'd try to just not cut as deeply and cut in less conspicuous places. I had a lot more success with that than any of the usual advice that involves not cutting or actually hurting yourself at all. Eventually I started using drugs and then I stopped cutting all together. But in the long run that hurt me even more than cutting did. I never did find a substitute that worked that didn't actually cause physical damage. Just substitutes that only caused temporary damage. Shallower cutting still got me some of the feelings of relief I was looking for, and at least now most of those scars can't really be seen anymore. Not ideal but it worked a lot better for me than the conventional advice of ice and red markers and so forth. I never found any of that stuff to work at all.

But I wanna ask cause while I've never heard of anyone having enough success with it to stop cutting, If you've ever heard of it working for anyone I'd be a lot more inclined to suggest it to people in future.
 
Nothing helps besides actually doing it. I use as sharp a knife I can find and cut as shallow as I can to minimize scaring, but it still happens.
 
I think cutting is better than entertaining the thoughts of killing myself. I only cut or burn myself when I'm really messed up.

JessFR I had the suggestion of ice and red markers and found that was a joke. Maybe it would work for someone who doesn't really want to cut. When I get to a certain place I start hating on myself and feeling worthless and cutting can seem like the only way out of such despair.

People have talked about wearing long sleeves for hiding scars. Well I'm 49 and in menopause and all I can wear with my hot flashes is tank tops. I look at my scars like a book that tells a story of perseverance. They are my internal war's battle scars.
 
I miss mine, they reminded me of all the things I had survived. Sometimes I stare expecting to see them, and am surprised how fully they healed as the years past.
 
kgeisel98 said:
People have talked about wearing long sleeves for hiding scars. Well I'm 49 and in menopause and all I can wear with my hot flashes is tank tops. I look at my scars like a book that tells a story of perseverance. They are my internal war's battle scars.
Click to expand...

Right on, kgeisel!<3
 
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