I am in a bad space

[mokele]

Hell yeah!
I am in a bad space,being forced
Into retirement cause my mum!!!shattered
my knee when knocking and i opened when she....
uninteresting.
I am 50,cant see me ever stop
Opies and benzo withdrawal
Idid once cause of od,no flying vampire docs
EVER again.I realize i am in too deep,what would happen
If i got clean now?I mean starting taper or is there no
Use after 35y nonstop??Brain rewired definitely?
No benzos would be great,but i greatly fear the HORRIBLE anxiety after!!!! TOOK THAt quite a time till my anxiety got
Too big.could go on,first times i even let THAT out but i
fear wont interest anyone,herbi.i miss your messages.
Often i cant stand the scene Kids,real(few)friends dead.
Got some bunk brown,should i do it or honestly
Just GO? I dont Know,so confused lately which road to take.except mum and 1-2people Nobody would care anyway. Thanks Mr Snakebitekit advocat for No answer,Scagnattie too and the mod who never accepted my apology.
I will.....i dont Know!
BUT if i get the Courage..Nobody
Will give a shit anyway.
(Cellphone written,sux)
SORRY AND THANKS SOO MUCH
IF YOU CARED TO READ..dunno what else
to say,Do it better maybe

 

[BlueBull]

Hell yeah!
I am in a bad space,being forced
Into retirement cause my mum!!!shattered
my knee when knocking and i opened when she....
uninteresting.
I am 50,cant see me ever stop
Opies and benzo withdrawal
Idid once cause of od,no flying vampire docs
EVER again.I realize i am in too deep,what would happen
If i got clean now?I mean starting taper or is there no
Use after 35y nonstop??Brain rewired definitely?
No benzos would be great,but i greatly fear the HORRIBLE anxiety after!!!! TOOK THAt quite a time till my anxiety got
Too big.could go on,first times i even let THAT out but i
fear wont interest anyone,herbi.i miss your messages.
Often i cant stand the scene Kids,real(few)friends dead.
Got some bunk brown,should i do it or honestly
Just GO? I dont Know,so confused lately which road to take.except mum and 1-2people Nobody would care anyway. Thanks Mr Snakebitekit advocat for No answer,Scagnattie too and the mod who never accepted my apology.
I will.....i dont Know!
BUT if i get the Courage..Nobody
Will give a shit anyway.
(Cellphone written,sux)
SORRY AND THANKS SOO MUCH
IF YOU CARED TO READ..dunno what else
to say,Do it better maybe

I have very little experience with benzo and opiate addiction. But I'm going to make this into a seperate thread and send it to a part of the forum where there are people that do have experience with this. I hope they can help guide you a bit or that you find the help you need by some other means. I wish you the best

 

[mokele]

Thank You SOO much,Blue Bull!!!
You are a good Man and I wish You All the BEST!

 

[chompy]

Ive been in rehab with senior citizens (65+) and they were coming off of methadone and benzos at the same time. If those guys can do it, I'm sure you could if you were to get yourself into a proper treatment center. It is a very tough road to recovery but when you are on your way, you will feel loads better. There will ALWAYS be bad days, but there will ALWAYS be good days. You just have to make the best of it. Best of luck to you.

 

[chompy]

Ive been on these meds for 15 years of my short life. Mostly benzos. I cycle them on and off using gabapentin and weed as a substitute

 

[herbavore]

Hey, Mo, age is just a number as they say. The point is that you want to feel better and you can. Take it by small pieces. Make a part of every single day peaceful. Push the worry out, carve out a little space, get used to what that can feel like.

 

[Ram2358]

I feel your pain. I have decided to try to quit and I have been on since 2008 first lethal doses of oxy only to graduate to lethal doses of heroin. Brain rewired for sure! But there is hope. Humans were not meant to take opiates and other drugs everyday of our lives. Those chemicals are not required to sustain life even though our addiction will tell us they are. Even though the first 72-96 hours of stopping our bodies will scream that they very much are! But if you are...and yes I'm going to throw some na mantra at you....sick and tierd of being sick and tierd. Then try stopping. I know it's hard. It's all up to you. Whenever your ready. Force yourself into it. Tell your doctor your abusing your meds tell him to gradually lower your dose. Cut off your supplier and the rest will fall into place.

 

[mokele]

I Thank You ALL for reading and even answering!!
So good to hear someone actually care!
To RAM 2358,my Doc is a fuckin prick,heres your rep
you got what you want now get the fuck out,rammed a
Scissor into hand trying to remove old stuck aquarium hose,Hospital gave me letter for him for after care(cleaning wound,what they did etc)and he actually
got pissed off for me bothering him with that,even
though i nearly cut half my hand off,thank God left Hand.
Evading the possibility to buy is nearly impossible cause the subway i take is one big drug scene and many dealers know me,the best ones got my nr.and call.took so long to cut All middlemen and get to the higher level it would be hard to give that up!
Bunk i mentioned was given by mistake and i got such good stuff as a sorry,well i guess You all will understand.
I am so ridicously high dosed on maintenance and use on top of that,my Body would really kick my ass for NOT giving him his dose and that“Ben,diary of a junky“guy
Died in Hospital because his Body
NEEDED those drugs(they say on end of docu)
and i fear the same.
But You All posts made me decide to go to a treatment
center where you can get morph.or methadon Substitution too and have a talk with them.
I have chronic depressions but no mo
suicidal thoughts anymore,reading
those replys REALLY helped a lot!
(written on phone,sorry that got so long)
God bless You All!!!
Mo

 

[Erikmen]

Hey, Mo, age is just a number as they say. The point is that you want to feel better and you can. Take it by small pieces. Make a part of every single day peaceful. Push the worry out, carve out a little space, get used to what that can feel like.

This!

 

[herbavore]

Mo, how are you?