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October Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread v Cool Nights and Falling Leaves

DK I am extremely antisocial and I eventually found a group of people (the agnostic/atheist AA meeting where I live in Orlando) that I am comfortable around. It might take some doing to find one because IME most AA groups out there tend to suck but my recommendation would be to just keep looking until you find a group of people you're comfortable around. Also for some reason I tend to like NA meetings as a whole more than AA. Junkies seem more down to earth and don't seem to want to talk unnecessarily.
 
...I was thinking of going tonight...but I think I will wait and make the drive to an athiests meeting because as others have said...I tend to look down on the religious quite a bit and from what I'm seeing it doesn't seem like they make that much effort to accommodate athiests and u have to lie...isn't it supposed to be about being honest with your peers?
 
LucidSDreamr said:
...I was thinking of going tonight...but I think I will wait and make the drive to an athiests meeting because as others have said...I tend to look down on the religious quite a bit and from what I'm seeing it doesn't seem like they make that much effort to accommodate athiests and u have to lie...isn't it supposed to be about being honest with your peers?
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It's not so much that I look down on religious people, I just don't care to be around other people. Few people I meet now a days are atheists. Everyone believes in "something". I try not to judge people. I just prefer being alone.

The last thing you need is a guilt trip though, so I really don't blame you for wanting to wait.

I'm always proud of people like D's who do well with meetings <3
 
RDP89 said:
People always say this but I really don't understand how that could possibly work with steps 3,6, and 7 especially. For example, Step 3:" Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God". I'm an agnostic atheist(Can't say that I know for sure there is no god, but don't believe when there's absolutely no evidence and also find it super highly unlikely that such a thing exists), how can I make a decision the turn my life over to god? lol And even if I replace it with some other random thing, how would that do any good when I don't believe that thing has any effect on my life?

And then step 6: "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character", and step 7:Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.How can I reconcile that when I don't believe there's anything outside myself that can magically remove supposed"defects of character"?(nor do I think that it's healthy for people to think that way, honestly.) That's why I don't feel I could ever work the steps without lying to myself which I won't do(nor do I think would be right or helpful.) And if I'm not going to work the steps I find it pointless to go to the meetings.

Problem is I do realize I need a support network, but feel I don't have any options. So I just struggle on alone. And I live by myself for the first time ever and I get pretty lonely at times. I get my daughter, but not as much as I would like because I work the stupid afternoon shift, which I am desperately trying to change. I have been doing much better this last year than in years past, but I still have been relapsing pretty often. Not for long, usually only a couple days and get right back on the wagon, but I just can't seem to get any significant consecutive clean time. 35 days has been my longest in this stretch(57 days was my longest EVER, but that was also with 30 days in rehab at the start), but most times it's right around the 10-14 day mark that I end up giving in. I now have one day clean/sober and trying to really make a good run at it this time. Anyway, sorry for the long rambling post, hope everyone is doing well.
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You don't believe in positive vibrational energy or the law of attraction? Life is an echo. What you send out comes back. If you do the steps you will reap the reward whether you believe or not. You can still work all those steps while just believing that you are taking positive action and that through the law of attraction you will receive back what you sent out into the world.

God doesn't magically remove your shortcomings. It takes positive action on our part and eventually we will retrain our brains to think differently. My first sponsors higher power was the Matrix, which he described as being a computer program. We have believed a lie about the way we perceive ourselves and the world our whole lives. We learn faulty thinking and by working the steps we slowly identify and begin to unravel that flawed thinking. Then we reprogram our brains by action. You can think of it as if your brain is infected with malware and you have to remove it and reboot the system. That takes action, which are the steps, human connection, being of service and practicing the principles.

You have to act your way into better thinking. You can't think your way out of it. By just taking a leap of faith and working the steps the rewards will start to come and your entire viewpoint will change. The steps are not something you passively do. You practice them in your everyday life. Give it a try you might be surprised.

I am a cynical skeptic and I can overthink things until I am out using again but that is just my addict brain talking. Then I eventually hit rock bottom and come crawling back wondering what took me so long. Every time I relapse it is usually because of resentments that aren't dealt with. Then I usually start looking for the flaws in the program because I am irritable and discontent. Resentments aren't just anger but anything thing that can reignite strong feelings after the event is over. They always cause negative feelings about myself and the world..... Anyways.. Give it a shot. What do you have to lose.

I can tell you that I have been trying to do this by myself the last few months and have been miserable the whole time. I have only been going back for 3 days and the world has already opened up like an oyster. My entire perception has already changed and it now feels like anything is possible. I see the results so therefore I don't have to question from whence it came or why. The proof is in the pudding.

The problem is that I always get lazy and forget to deal with the important daily maintenance that the steps require and that leads me to start going backwards every time and that is when I stop seeing the results and I start to believe the lies my addict brain is telling me. I know this probably sounds like a lot of garbage and it was to me as well until I worked it and could no longer deny that there wasn't something there.

The program is the whole package not just the steps. Anyways much love..

Sorry if this is rambling or redundant. I took a bunch of Benadryl and melatonin to sleep and feel loopy.



<3Somni
 
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I am just stopping by to say hello to all. I now have over 7 months clean and sober, and, for the most part, life is very good. I am looking for feedback, though, on one problem. I have a job for two months now, part time, and overall it is a pretty good fit. However, there is one person who has decided to bully me. I don't work with him often, but I find that I am starting to check the schedule to see if I have to work with him, and if I do, I start to dread it.
I know that I play a part in this somehow, and want to know what to do to get it to stop. I tried talking to him directly and going to my supervisor, neither of which were effective.
I feel vulnerable being older, and notice that some people have truly negative beliefs about older people. Also this is not my first experience being bullied while clean and sober.
When I use, I don't have this issue. I don't know if I am projecting, or am more sensitive to other's treatment of me while I am sober, but there it is.
The worse part is, that I am starting to let these experiences infiltrate my brain when I am not at work. I would like to retaliate and feel badly that I am wanting revenge.
I practice mindfulness when I get these thoughts.. noticing without trying to judge them, but these experiences are triggering to me, and no person is worth relapsing over... that would just makes things 10x worse.
Thanks for reading.
 
LucidSDreamr said:
...I was thinking of going tonight...but I think I will wait and make the drive to an athiests meeting because as others have said...I tend to look down on the religious quite a bit and from what I'm seeing it doesn't seem like they make that much effort to accommodate athiests and u have to lie...isn't it supposed to be about being honest with your peers?
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I live in a very small town where a lot of people just don't seem to be very open-minded (especially in my local recovery community), and I'm not even in the "bible belt" so I can only imagine what it's like down there.

I think that religious folks (especially Christians) have gotten a bad reputation because unfortunately a lot of them do tend to be very preachy, judgmental and hypocritical. Even though I personally believe in God, I still can't tolerate being around people like that.

I always do my best to break that stereotype by letting people see that we're not all that way. I respect everyone's beliefs (or non-beliefs, LOL) and you will never hear me say, "This is what YOU should do" because I'm not the authority on anything. For all I know, I could be living in a computer program run by an alien named Xork or something!

(To stray even more off-topic for a moment, I've found that it's the same way with a lot of vegetarians, which I also am. The ones who say things like, "You're a big mean piggy murderer for eating that pork chop" unfortunately give the rest of us a bad name!)

Okay, rant over!!! Thank you for listening to me spew :D

Back on point here... There should be a lot more recovery programs for people with different beliefs/philosophies and different approaches in general, because so many more people would be able to find help and support. Everyone has something different that works for them. Some things like "90 meetings in 90 days" are just not practical for a lot of people. (and I'm not bashing things like AA either. Countless people have gotten and stayed sober that way. It just doesn't work for everyone.)

I'm still trying to find an approach that will work for me personally. Not only have I been battling multiple addictions (opioids mainly, then alcohol/benzos/amphetamines) for a number of years, but I also suffer from anxiety, depression, OCD and PTSD! One of my main problems is that I wouldn't be able to function without any medication at all, but unfortunately I tend to abuse just about every drug that I get my hands on.

This forum here is the best thing I've ever found as far as support goes. I can be 100% honest without the fear of negative repercussions from those around me, and I've met a lot of awesome people that I never would have known otherwise!

Best wishes to everyone!!!
Dreamflyer
 
I just got triggered by something bad happening at work and am sick with a cold....very hard not to use right now.
 
Thanks but not now....I ended up taking a big dose of kratom because I am so sick with a cold. I'm worried that I will really go to town tonight when I get out of work
 
I did more kratom and some soma when I got home but at least it's only kratom.

I regret it but sort of really needed it all things considered. I need a weekend with no work and no cold to fully withdrawal from the krstom or subs
 
LucidSDreamr said:
I did more kratom and some soma when I got home but at least it's only kratom.

I regret it but sort of really needed it all things considered. I need a weekend with no work and no cold to fully withdrawal from the krstom or subs
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I hope maybe you're starting to get over that cold. Meanwhile, I doubt that kratom set you back too much. We do what we gotta do, right?
 
I've never gotten a flu shot in my life and only get sick once every 3 years or so. I I have an aversion to taking meds if I don't need them and they don't get me high...wsh I had it but I guess it's too late now.

Drinking more krstom on the train on the way to work because today is gonna be a super long day and I have a fever I need some kind of boost
 
I've never gotten a flu shot and I haven't had the flu in years.
 
You may not have gotten sick, but you undoubtedly have been exposed to, and have obtained may strains of, influenza. You invariably end up spreading it during the flu season as well, and this can contribute to others getting sick, and dying (young, old, immunocompromised). Vaccinations are just as much for other people as they are for yourself.

What a wonderful 60k post for me. :|
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Remember to get your flu shots guys.
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This is the first year in god knows how long I've gotten one. I absolutely loath going to the doctors who treat me like some broken person because I have a past history of addiction, but that's the medical system - c'est la vie.
 
Amen to that(or both actually).
Once you get flagged as drug addict in our system then it is hard as hell to get real treatment to real illnesses as they always label you as drug seeker.

I for example have to pay 128€ per two weeks worth of Targin and it doesn't add up to the total maximum of 620€ that everyone must pay before drugs from pharmacies are free but someone who isn't flagged as drug addict can get Oxycontin to the same pain and pay only one tenth of that price per two weeks and it even adds up to that maximum limit per year.

Getting flu shots is vital so we can get mass coverage for immunity and then it protects even those few who doesn't take those.
 
ugh the flu. currently getting better, but fever sucks so much. since I've been clean (half year+), I've never had any ordinary cold, just some cold/flu sending me straight to bed. reevaluated what I like to do with my time and laying in bed watching something doesn't satisfy me for long.
I'm so bored because my hands have been injured for 6 weeks and are still hurting, will be fun in university starting again in 1,5 weeks.
anyways sorry for rant, I'm clean and the day will come where I can do some of my hobbies again :/ just a few weeks......
 
That is a drag about your hands. Being at university with an injury can be really frustrating. Particularly when you’re going to one like mine that never seemed to update their facilities to something handicapped accessible... that’s a rant for another day though. I might have broken my foot and torn a ligament but hopefully I’ll be able to manage without a wheelchair.

In term of the flu, I think back when I was using I never noticed it when I got sick or anything. Since getting sober it’s almost like I’m more susceptible to getting sick, although I think it is just that I notice it more when I do. Iono. Part of me still feel like getting clean affected my immune system in some strange way, but I doubt it’s anything actually going on other than being more aware of how my body feels most of the time without ze drugs.
 
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