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Crack and Herion

E

Exhausted82

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 30, 2016
Messages
6
Please help. I am dating an addict. He doesn't steal or anything like that but he's out more than he is home. When i work he sleeps all day and usually leaves within a couple hours of my getting home, a couple days a week he will do a few things I ask him to do. I know he smokes crack and snorts herion. I know he does not do both everyday. But i also know he is usually is only sober maybe 2 days a week. His mood swings are insane. But i try my best to be understanding. I don't judge him at all for being an addict. I am just tired. I mentioned once maybe he should go detox, but that conversation went poorly.
Anyway here is my question, can he or will he ever be clean with out help? He swears this is the last time frequently, and within a few days after sleeping most of it, he is off again to do whatever it is he does.. he is an Amazing man who I know is better than what he continues to chose to do.
Also he went from an active heavy addict to an infrequent user to now what i would describe as a moderate user...
I have never been exposed to any type of addiction before, so just looking for honest advice on how to help him, or just continue to support him until he finds his way back to sober life?
 
Exhausted82 said:
Please help. I am dating an addict. He doesn't steal or anything like that but he's out more than he is home. When i work he sleeps all day and usually leaves within a couple hours of my getting home, a couple days a week he will do a few things I ask him to do. I know he smokes crack and snorts herion. I know he does not do both everyday. But i also know he is usually is only sober maybe 2 days a week. His mood swings are insane. But i try my best to be understanding. I don't judge him at all for being an addict. I am just tired. I mentioned once maybe he should go detox, but that conversation went poorly.
Anyway here is my question, can he or will he ever be clean with out help? He swears this is the last time frequently, and within a few days after sleeping most of it, he is off again to do whatever it is he does.. he is an Amazing man who I know is better than what he continues to chose to do.
Also he went from an active heavy addict to an infrequent user to now what i would describe as a moderate user...
I have never been exposed to any type of addiction before, so just looking for honest advice on how to help him, or just continue to support him until he finds his way back to sober life?
Click to expand...

Leave him and cut all ties. If he wants to get sober/clean, and get help he knows how to do this. Ultimately it's up to the person themselves to want to get clean/sober, get help if it's needed which it usually is for hard drugs like opiates and stimulants, and stay sober/clean which means giving up using all drugs including alcohol and cannabis.

I know what I wrote sounds harsh but it's true, and I was in a relationship/partnership with someone addicted to alcohol and opiates. A person who is addicted when they are still using drugs is always going to put the drug(s) first before you or anything, or anyone else in their life. You are only dating this guy, you did not say how you are married or in a very long term relationship with him, so cut ties now before you get in too deep, and a relationship with an addict while they are using and not sober/clean, is not healthy one.

Some other helpful advice: DO NOT leave him alone in your house as if he has not yet already done this he will steal things, and keep your banking info/jewelry, etc. well hidden or get a safety deposit box and put it in there.

Don't lend him any money as he will only use this to buy crack/heroin, and if you live together find your own place and move out ASAP. Stay safe.
 
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Caseys Law, if you love him and fear where he is going with this you can go to court, and place a court order on him to seek treatment, and if he doesn't seek help then he will go to jail.(Kentucky and Ohio only :/)

I know that other states do have laws set up where if you fear for the safety of one then you can get a petition to have them hospitalised and get psychiatric help.

I agree with everything that Priest said.
 
Yes sorry you are going through this.
I do agree in the post above, you will NEVER come first to him. It's just not possible. He is addicted and the addiction will come first. ALWAYS . Never you or anything else. He leaves after you get home? That's kind of messed up. If the detox conversation went bad, then you have to understand that he isn't ready to quit drugs , doesn't want to , and is definitely NOT able to provide a healthy relationship .
You will only become more and more unhappy the longer you are with him. You said you want to support him? Support him when he is ready to except your help. He is not ready for you . You will only become the victim of his addiction.
You deserve better !! Anyone who has ever dealt with this kind of thing, deserved more then what they got.
Getting help is HIS choice not yours . When he is ready.
You gotta let him figure it out on his own till then. IMO
I would put it bluntly to him. It's you or the drugs. Detox is kinda nice actually.. I mean I liked it !!
 
It's a 3 year relationship and we live together. I own my home and I afraid this was the answer that I would get. I guess I already knew, was just hoping for something different :(
 
I am going to ask him to leave, I am not sure when. But here probably on my next day off I am going to tell him what was suggested me or the drugs. It breaks my heart because I am pretty sure he will chose the drugs. But then again it's as if I am alone now anyway. If he's not high. He's asleep and I always worry if he's breathing. It's taken its toll on me unfortunately. If he's willing to do to detox I will support that and wait for him.
 
3 years is a long time... I'm sorry.. your doing the right thing though.. I know it sucks...
 
Tough love sucks, and i am not saying to ditch his ass, just give him time to heal, and if he really loves you then he will do the same.
You could have him take a Vivtrol shot, and have him drugtested(while he is in an IOP program of some sort), or contact someone like his family and your family and do an intervention. That he either changes or he goes.
 
Good luck to you Exhausted. You will only continue to be exhausted while you are with this guy. Please let us know how it goes. We're here to support you! ;)
 
I can tell you from experience that addicts are selfish and needed. I put my husband through almost ten years of hell. I know how you feel, you're tired and at the end of your rope. In my case I just got tired of the drugs. So I found a psychiatrist who treated addiction. Now I'm 9 years sober, don't even drink alcohol.
Once an addict quits their always suspected of relapse. So you have a long road behind and in front of you. Good luck
 
It happened. He is gone as of this evening. My heart is broken, but he made his choice. I hope he heals from this god awful disease . I will always love him.
 
Exhausted - you have done the right thing. As the others said, he will never put you first because he loves drugs more than you. I'm talking from experience here - I've heard every excuse under the sun. I've been angry, I've been sympathetic, I've lied for him, I've helped him...and it was never enough.

You have a hard road ahead in terms of battling with your heart but don't give in. Your life is worth more than this, you will find someone who puts you first, makes you his world, not drugs.

Best of luck - you are worth more.
 
Wow. Good choice. Like others have said, you did the right thing.
You seem like a good person being willing to support him through getting clean. Too bad he's not ready to.
 
It's been a long time, or well it feels like it.. thank you all for the support . I am still in contact with him, and he still is using. Now I suppose it is heavily. My heart breaks from him and I battle that night every day, that I asked him to chose. But each day I remind myself I will always be his friend and ready to fight with him against this, when he choses he is worthy of a better life than the drugs have to offer. He's better than this. As mosy addicts are. I've seemed out some counseling for myself as the picture is clearer now and I allpwed myself to fall into a depression.. it don't help, not yet, but maybe someday I can come to terms with this is just the way it is suppose to pan out . Until then I will continue to show my friendship and trust the universe to come full circle and he be in the process of recovery. Still exhausted, now heart broken, but alive.. so that's something ;)
 
That was a brave thing you did. Unfortunately, he is simply not in a place for a relationship. You're trying to live a healthy life and he would have just kept bringing you down and eventually ruined you if you let him. People have to choose to get clean for themselves, trust me I know. When I was an addict, I lied to my ex-wife all the time, in order to get drugs. Eventually she couldn't trust a word I said and was constantly mad at me, she kinda grew to hate me. Even if the relationship wasn't doomed for other reasons, it wouldn't have been able to recover after all that deceit. I think breaking up with him was the right thing to do because if he does choose to get clean in the future and shows that you can trust him and you get back together one day, this will hopefully save a lot more relationship poison from happening.

Sounds like counseling is a good call, it always helps to get things off your chest and get some emotional guidance. Good luck!
 
Thanks for the update Exhausted82. I hope you are consciously taking good care of yourself by doing things that make you feel good (bubble bath/hiking/read a book... whatever).
I wish you the best. Good on you getting counselling. Keep up the positive life choices!
 
Another update. He overdosed today. Thankfully the medics were able to revive him and he did not injure anyone when he wrecked. After being released from the hospital the officer took him straight to jail. He is bwing charged with an Ovi. His mom called me and I left work to go be by his side, fearful that he was dead. As I did not find out he was revived until I got to the hospital . Anyway, things just seemingly keep getting worse. I hope with all that I am, that he choses to get help, real help. I still firmly believe he is better than this life of addiction and chaos.
 
Sorry to hear that. :( Maybe this will be the wakeup call for him. It's amazing what people will allow to happen in the depths of addiction.
 
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