Forgot you did drugs?

[ScenicTrainRobbery]

My boyfriend has started taking his klonopin prescription again, after being off of it for two years. He's also battling a pretty heavy heroin habit.

Recently, he keeps coming out of his nod and blaming me for hiding his drugs, when in reality he did the rest of it and just doesn't remember. I just sit here dumbfounded. How can you honestly think that someone who has never used, would take your shit?
No, I don't want him to have it, but why would it even be feasible that I would sneak into the bathroom while he is in there, and hide his drugs? Wtf.

Here's a good laugh: My boyfriend came out of the bathroom, intoxicated. He then went to the fridge to get a beverage. About an hour later he couldn't find his stash, and blamed me. We searched and searched. He finally gave up and admitted defeat and accepted that he probably did the rest of it. About a week later, I was cleaning out the fridge and found none other than the bag he was looking for.

He never apologized.

 

[JessFR]

Oh man don't get me started. Friend of mine, every month he'd get his benzo script filled, and for the next 3 days all hell would break lose. Three fucking times he had money stolen from him cause he was too out of it to stop it. All the time he'd think someone stole some of the pills from him when I SAW him take them. He just couldn't remember and couldn't stop. He'd take one, forget he took it, take another, over and over. And he'd refuse to see how impaired he was, always saying he was fine and acting like he wasn't high and just tired or some horseshit. It was sooo frustrating and infuriating, I could go on for hours complaining.

It only lasted 2 or 3 days cause that's how fast he'd go through the months supply. And once he started there was no way to talk to him or get him to stop till he'd run out. So many times I thought about stealing them to stop him. But I never did. God it was maddening. Some people just can't handle benzos.

We were running partners and close friends for years, and his behavior with benzos, my maddening frustration with his behavior on them and refusal to see the chaos it caused and how fucked up by it he was, was the trigger to me leaving and trying again to get clean this last month. I didn't leave because of it, there were lots of reasons I wanted out of that lifestyle, but his benzo use is what started it. It made me seriously contemplate leaving.

What happened was he'd gotten money and drugs stolen from us while he was fucked up on benzos. And I realized, some of our money, the money I contributed, could have been from prostituting myself. It wasn't, but it so easily could have been. If he'd gotten that money stolen from us a couple days earlier, it would have been money I'd made doing that. And the thought that I might have done that all for nothing cause he couldn't fucking handle his benzos after I told him over and over about this shit. I hadn't told him I was prostituting myself at the time, but after he got the money stolen I told him and that I was ready to leave over it if he kept doing this shit.

Then he ran out and it went back to normal, but it was too late, when I was thinking about leaving I thought about how my life could be different, all the shit I'd lost to my addiction. And that's what motivated me to try and get clean. So I didn't do it because of that, but it was the trigger, it's what got me thinking about leaving, and by the time he ran out of pills and shit got back to normal, I'd realized I actually wanted to get clean for me. If it weren't for that I'd probably still be running around hustling money for heroin right now. Who knows how long it would have been before I'd have come to realize I'd had enough if he hadn't done that shit. I still would have left eventually, but it could have been another year before then.

So in hindsight maybe I should thank him.

 

[ScenicTrainRobbery]

Thankfully, we usually get rid of them fairly quickly once they are filled. But for the times that take a bit of time to off-load them, it's absolutely miserable.

When he is sober, he is the best I could ask for. During his active addiction, I can't even stand to be around him.

 

[JessFR]

I know the feeling. It's funny, with me and my running partner/best friend, we were both heroin addicts and while we weren't a couple, we cared for each other a lot. People always assumed we were together cause you just can't be a male and a female and spend as much time together as we did without people assuming. But we weren't. Anyway, point is. While he was a heavy IV heroin addict just like me, the heroin was never the problem, he was usually very reliable. I trusted him so much cause usually if he'd say something that's what would happen. And he always had my back and we almost always found a way out of whatever bad situation we found ourselves in, as you tend to have happen when you're a junkie.

EXCEPT for those few days every month when he had benzos. That was when shit always went wrong, where he was totally unreliable and couldn't be trusted. The difference was enormous. We were both heroin addicts but while we could function for the most part on heroin, he just couldn't function at all on benzos. Ive had problems with benzos too but nothing like he did. Some people just can't handle using them, and he couldn't.

 

[cdin]

i call it the "who stole my pills" game. It's not fun, everyone ends up losing

 

[JessFR]

Especially when the answer is "no one"

 

[kleinerkiffer]

Welcome to Bluelight
As others have said, benzodiazepines, especially high doses, can lead to a black out.
And combining heroin and benzos is extremely dangerous, as both are CNS depressants and synergise, thus increasing the risk of respiratory depression.
Check out The Dark Side and Sex, Love and Relationships if you need help/want to talk

 

[ScenicTrainRobbery]

One whole entire year has passed and not a thing has changed. And every single day I keep getting promises of, "Tomorrow will be different. Just let me prove it to you." And, being me, I give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe one year is his behavior and emotion cycle. Things get better for a while, then go back to garbage soon thereafter.

 

[T. Calderone]

Thanks for the update! When you love someone, the promises he's making almost seem real and you want to believe them. As long as your boyfriend is still using, I think you know realistically that change is not going to happen. Have you talked to him about making a plan to get clean?

 

[Tubbs]

I'm gonna send this to TDS for you, lotta support for you over there.

T. Is right though, promises mean very little to someone in active addiction.

 

[Isthisreal90]

Hi Scenic,
My boyfriend is a recovering heroin and benzo addict. I gotta be honest, every single example and story you mentioned literally took me back. I have never used opiates and have developed PTSD over time from horrible experiences when he was blacked out. Finding shit like syringes around our apartment, things he had lost while he was high and forgotten about, stolen things...it really messed with me. We have been through counseling (both individually and couples). I, too, said he was the most wonderful person full of potential when he was sober, which is why I have stayed....he has been in methadone maintenance treatment for 1 year now, off of heroin and klonopin. Our lives and relationship have become more stable and manageable, in ways that I once thought was impossible at the worst of his IV use. I never knew anything about heroin until my boyfriend, and am still pretty young (mid 20's) and it was absolutely terrifying to me. I lingered on this forum and BlueLight desperate to understand. Please DM me if you would like to talk or just want another girl who has been in your shoes to listen. Keep your head up, and don't lose sight of yourself and what you deserve ��