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Bluelighter
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Feb 11, 2017
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So Molly came to me in a dream last night. I dreamed my eyes were wiggling so I was seeing double vision the whole time. I think Molly is trying to tell me "I'm sorry I hurt you! Give me another chance, let's try it again sometime!" It's been 3 months since last time when I had a bad trip and ever since then I have been nervous that I'll downward spiral into a series of panic attacks if I roll again. Any ideas on how to maintain my cool and stay relaxed and what to do when I do start devolving into negative thoughts? I wanna have a good time like I did in April. That time I took a shower while rolling but I do not wanna repeat that because it's dangerous to be in a hot shower while on ecstasy. This time I just wanna listen to music and dance with all the wicked lights I have set up.

To be clear, in June I took the pill while I had a stomach flu and while I was on Buspirone AND while I was in a really shitty mood. I've been told all of these factors greatly contributed to the bad trip. Currently, I've been off Buspirone since early July, am not sick and I'm not experiencing a depressive episode. I'm currently relaxed while typing this but a moment ago while setting up my lights I was all excited and nervous which is what I'll be feeling when I take the pill and start anticipating the comeup. MDMA is supposed to have calming effects which I find hard to believe cuz it's a fucking stimulant!
I'm planning on taking 1.2mg per KG this time instead of the usual 1.5 to hopefully reduce the severity because that bad trip in June was a serious deterrent. I love Molly but not when she hurts me.
 
If you're dreaming of doing MDMA then maybe it's a sign it's still bothering you? Either way, I think maybe it would be best avoided.

If you do take MDMA, then the way to help reduce/avoid anxiety is all the usual stuff; set/setting/if you feel bad change your environment/don't do things that make you feel uneasy/only listen to music you like/etc. :)

MDMA is supposed to have calming effects which I find hard to believe cuz it's a fucking stimulant!

It depends on your definition of calming really. MDMA has anxiolytic effects, although certainly not in the classical sense - and things can easily go either way. But MDMA is also a stimulant, as the two are not mutually exclusive.
 
I don't want it to bother me, I want to feel good like 5 months ago but I can't help getting anxious and nervous cuz that's how I normally am. I'm in the same environment as before except the lights which are recent. If I do devolve into a panic attack, does deep breathing or something help? The word anxiolytic means reducing anxiety but what happened 3 months ago is the mdma just amplified whatever emotions I was already feeling. I think negative thoughts, I spiraled into an episode of insane paranoia, fear and anxiety (and my chest fucking hurt), so I try really hard to think nice, happy thoughts and 10 seconds later I feel very uplifted and happy, then 10 seconds later I spiral back down. It was a crazy 3 hours of intense mood swings. And I do not want a repeat of that shit.
 
So xanax and valium work instantly, or I'd have to take them an hour beforehand? MDMA itself takes an hour and a half to kick in for me which I'm being told is abnormally long. I guess I'm a freak, lol.
 
Well I ended up never retrieving that pill as I couldn't stop freaking out and thinking I was being followed on my way there. Gotta get a fucking grip on myself and try again some other time. Quick question: is it okay to be lying down after swallowing the pill? I can't think of a more comfortable place than my bed with the rave lights rolling while listening to soothing music.
 
Yes rolling in bed is fine. Indeed it perhaps the best place to roll.
 
Oh, I could've sworn someone on this forum advised against it. In bed it is then.
 
Well I ended up never retrieving that pill as I couldn't stop freaking out and thinking I was being followed on my way there. Gotta get a fucking grip on myself and try again some other time. Quick question: is it okay to be lying down after swallowing the pill? I can't think of a more comfortable place than my bed with the rave lights rolling while listening to soothing music.

If you can't even pick the drugs up due to freaking out and thinking you're being followed then I'd seriously recommend against taking it, but I guess that's all up to you.

Yeah it's okay to lie down; I often find it hard to do anything else. It is the epitome of floored. :)
 
The thing is, I have to dig up the pills where I buried them across the city and a lot of the locations were in degenerate neighborhoods, places I don't like to be in now especially now that summer's gone and it gets dark a lot faster. I did all this back when I still had confidence or at least apathy. But now with these fucking mood swings I can't stop freaking out and having paranoid fits. I've forgotten what a privilege it was to be emotionless all the time. Ecstasy sure opened me up, or whatever the fuck that Buspirone shit did in the mix. Do any of you keep your drugs at home? If so, any idea for good stash spots? I'm way too paranoid about getting busted which is why I don't but now I wish I did so I wouldn't have to go out and retrieve them.

I appreciate your recommendation that I stop altogether but it's too late for that. I bought so many damn pills, I may as well use em all. I rolled successfully in April, why cant that happen again?

I shall enjoy Molly in bed, hopefully she'll be happy there. She takes it as a compliment when I tell her she makes me so limp. :)
 
I agree with the above. Also have to mention someone very close to me develop anxiety attacks and derealisation from weed edibles. This seeped into her MDMA experiences in which she also began to have small episodes. What really helped her, and this is only if you should decide you really want to continue, which I advise against, is to start taking it at home, with her boyfriend and stopped taking it at parties. The homely setting is great in it's own right and you are much less likely to get anxious :) but again, I wouldn't, not for a while at least
 
BlueBull, I have only ever taken it alone at home so that won't be a problem.
 
BlueBull, I have only ever taken it alone at home so that won't be a problem.
Well if you're also getting them at home, I would just wait until the anxiety itself has lessened. This can of course take a while. Maybe then try a low dose of you're up to it
 
I'm not getting them at home, I have to travel across the city and dig the pill up. But once I do retrieve it and arrive home, I become in too much of a hurry to swallow it and thus nullify getting charged with possession. Gotta calm down and stop being paranoid. I will take a lower dose. I'm just pissed at myself for being such a little bitch all of a sudden. This wasn't a problem the first and second time. Hopefully being abstinent from Buspirone for almost 4 months will allow molly to do her calming effect that I never felt.
 
Well this is a fail. I took 1mg per KG 3 hours ago and I feel nothing. The first hour I was nervous as fuck and kept freaking out like usual but did my best to think happy thoughts and calm down. Then after that I was more or less calm and couldn't tell if I was rolling or not but I went with the flow and moved to the music. I could pee without a problem and didn't get any of the physical symptoms. I'm hoping to at least get an afterglow. Since I'm not rolling, ima eat a big ass pizza. I did also take anti oxidants twice. the vitamin C, E, alpha lipoic acid and metformin so hopefully I don't now shit myself after finishing the pizza.
It's so hard to believe that only a little less molly did absolutely nothing. My pupils didn't dilate at all, yet only 30 more mg made my iris completely gone last time. I don't even know what to take from this experience. Thoughts are welcome.
 
^what dose did you take, and what did you take last time? Is it the same stuff?

IME MDMA is very much an up or down type experience. To me 30mg is the difference between being annoyingly teased with some residual effects or being fully up.
 
I took 75mg which is about 1.1mg per KG for me. 3 months ago I took 110mg. Yes, same stuff. Does this mean I'll have to abstain for 2 months again?
 
I took 75mg which is about 1.1mg per KG for me. 3 months ago I took 110mg. Yes, same stuff. Does this mean I'll have to abstain for 2 months again?

You took 2/3 of a previously active dose; presumably that's why it didn't work.

I don't think MDMA is like a lot of drugs where you can take half a dose and still expect to get somewhere special. You're either up or down with this one. Whenever I've taken lowly dosed pills or decided for whatever reason to take a half, it has simply been irksome and somewhat anxiety inducing.

Personally I don't consider 75mg a dose at all; for me I'm only up from 130mg, and any less is just a frustrating tease. For you this is presumably somewhere around 110mg.

Does this mean I'll have to abstain for 2 months again?

Well I think you probably get some leeway if the drug didn't really work. The physical/mental toll somewhat correlates with the power of the experience.
 
Ok how long should I wait? Well, I'll be waiting a while anyway because I have to figure out a way to nullify this damn anxiety. Would taking something to lower blood pressure be a good idea? I mean ecstasy raises your blood pressure so it feels like a bad idea to combine things that do opposite things. Rolling while on that Buspirone anti-anxiety medication was apparently a bad idea as well but I guess I'm puzzled how the fuck these anxyiolitics work. They all seem to pump you full of norepinephrine which is adrenaline and that shit MAKES you panic for fucks sake. How that is supposed to treat anxiety is beyond me.
 
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