Four years ago I, uh, stumbled into the porn folder of the guy I was fooling around with. I found nothing out of the ordinary, just regular porn - except this one file. "14-year old..." - didn't see the rest of the title. I immediately asked him about it, he said it was a joke. Something to show his buddies for shock effect - and yes, he does have that kind of humor. He will do anything to shock people. It's stupid, I know. I dumped him some weeks later, not because of this, but because of his drug abuse.
At this time, he was doing a lot of cocaine, amphetamine and pills. Mostly IV. He suffered a lot during comedowns, and was pretty much psychotic whenever he wasn't high. Not the high (PI) point in his life at all.
Now, however, he is clean as a whistle, and wants to be with me. We are in love, actually, and this could go places. He's been doing great progress, and yada yada - but I still remember the porn incident. I've confronted him about this several times, and what he says is that it was probably a joke, that he did weird things in the past, that he can't confirm nor deny that he was high at the time and that he knows it was a really stupid thing to do. That it was nasty, disgusting, etc.
I've talked to him extensively about this now. I do know some of his friends and I did see proof that they had that sort of humor back then. They were/are all tweaker dudes who, for some reason, descend to utter depravity when they're high. Not (necessarily?) in actions, but in words and, as proven, media consumption. It's not an excuse. I think it's disgusting. If it's any, uh, consolation, it seems that this depraved humor doesn't stop there. They'll just as easily shock each other with videos of people being murdered, they'll make obscene jokes, they'll do anything for a "kick". Again, not making excuses here - but it seems that the general vibe is "shock by being disgusting" rather than "wank it watching young teens". My gut tells me that the part about it being part of some sort of joke is true. However, that doesn't mean he DIDN'T wank off to it at some point. I asked him plenty of questions, like; "Did you ever wank off to illegal girls", "did you ever find teens/kids hot", etc. Like, truly probing. And sure, he might have lied about everything he said, but he claimed he had never wanked nor found them attractive.
Should I believe him? Or, if he indeed did download that video for himself and not as a joke, should I forgive it? I mean, I know people do crazy, sometimes sexually disgusting things on speed and recently off it... But this? Should I run?
At this time, he was doing a lot of cocaine, amphetamine and pills. Mostly IV. He suffered a lot during comedowns, and was pretty much psychotic whenever he wasn't high. Not the high (PI) point in his life at all.
Now, however, he is clean as a whistle, and wants to be with me. We are in love, actually, and this could go places. He's been doing great progress, and yada yada - but I still remember the porn incident. I've confronted him about this several times, and what he says is that it was probably a joke, that he did weird things in the past, that he can't confirm nor deny that he was high at the time and that he knows it was a really stupid thing to do. That it was nasty, disgusting, etc.
I've talked to him extensively about this now. I do know some of his friends and I did see proof that they had that sort of humor back then. They were/are all tweaker dudes who, for some reason, descend to utter depravity when they're high. Not (necessarily?) in actions, but in words and, as proven, media consumption. It's not an excuse. I think it's disgusting. If it's any, uh, consolation, it seems that this depraved humor doesn't stop there. They'll just as easily shock each other with videos of people being murdered, they'll make obscene jokes, they'll do anything for a "kick". Again, not making excuses here - but it seems that the general vibe is "shock by being disgusting" rather than "wank it watching young teens". My gut tells me that the part about it being part of some sort of joke is true. However, that doesn't mean he DIDN'T wank off to it at some point. I asked him plenty of questions, like; "Did you ever wank off to illegal girls", "did you ever find teens/kids hot", etc. Like, truly probing. And sure, he might have lied about everything he said, but he claimed he had never wanked nor found them attractive.
Should I believe him? Or, if he indeed did download that video for himself and not as a joke, should I forgive it? I mean, I know people do crazy, sometimes sexually disgusting things on speed and recently off it... But this? Should I run?
