Sorry if wrong place I'm new and desperate for some help advice on heroin addiction

[itstartedwithakiss]

Hi guys so sorry if this is in the wrong place but I was struggling to find where it should go.
Anyhow I've been coming on and off this site for the last 2 and a half years in a bid to try help and understand my partners heroin addiction. When I got with him I had no idea about it as he'd all but stopped at the time. Then when it all came to light I'd already fallen in love and it was too late by then. I'm a committed person and it's all or nothing with me. I genuinely thought I could help him. He did go a year taking nothing after we had our daughter but recently started again. I sometimes feel like I'm drowning in at all and losing him without any power to stop it. It got so bad last week and I wanted to understand it so badly that I ended up doing it myself. I guess it was a case if u can't beat them join them. I had 3 shots Sunday another 3 Monday and one last night as I felt really shit. Today I feel even shitter. My body is cramping up I feel more depressed than ever and just so sleepy and weak. Doubt it would be withdrawal already but regardless I feel terrible. I guess the reason I'm posting here is because I'm too ashamed to talk to anyone I know about it and if anyone else has experience of Living with an addict then maybe they'll understand why I did what I did and wether there really will ever be any hope of a normal relationship with him. Sorry for the long post

Dunno if it's worth mentioning I already have a mild addiction to prescription opiates: codeine, tramadol etc due to a spinal condition. If I miss doses I get shaky n sweaty n anxious and have been taking them a year now so don't know wether that's exasperated my symptoms

 

[tacodude]

Go to the other drugs forum and there is a specific thread for those who need help with addiction. I also would recommend if you want to just get off heroin go to an inpatient detox that uses a phenobarbital regimen. I have tried getting off so many times, but that method was the easiest where I had felt less pain than I had in a while after 3-5 days.

Edit: You probably have minor wds

 

[mr peabody]

Maybe have a look here:

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/823455-Ibogaine-and-opiates-opioids

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Last month, dozens of ibogaine researchers, activists and treatment providers gathered for a conference in Barcelona, Spain. Dr Kenneth Alper was among the attendees who gave presentations on the benefits of ibogaine to the Catalan Ministry of Health. The NYU professor believes that ibogaine's most likely path to prominence in the United States will be as a medication for meth addiction, for the simple reason that doctors and treatment providers have found that small daily doses seem to work better for meth addiction than the mind-blowing "flood doses" used on opiate addicts.

-Keegan Hamilton

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I strongly suspect that daily low dosing of ibogaine can be used to interrupt the heroin addiction cycle and to quell craving and withdrawal. I urge you to read as much as you can and think hard about changing your situation in order to avoid descending into a full-blown addiction. And I appeal to you to reach out to anyone who loves you for support as soon as possible.

 

[itstartedwithakiss]

Thanks guys it's really appreciated il check both those things out. I've not had any today but just took some codeine to see if it takes the edge off as my legs are cramping so bad. I feel really low about what I did but it's done now. I feel It's him that needs the help more than me but if he's going months without it then he's not physically addicted. He's choosing to do it because he wants to? Or does it go deeper than that I dunno

 

[Xorkoth]

You mentioned you already have an addiction to painkillers. They're opiates just like heroin. If you get withdrawals from not using them already, then shooting heroin a few days in a row is making the withdrawals worse. But you were already addicted to opiates, heroin isn't special compared to other opiates except that it's stronger. I think you need to face that you're an opiate addict as well, you guys are both in it. Sounds like he was definitely worse as he's shooting heroin, but now you've done that too. Sounds like you went pretty nuts with it too, 3 shots a day for 2 days and one today? Is it going to stop at one today? If I were you I would step away from that needle right now before it's too late, and seek help for the opiate addiction you already have. Have you ever admitted to yourself that you're an addict? Have you tried to stop and failed?

For the sake of your child(ren), you need to face this problem and stop. So does your partner. If he's not able to get past it eventually, he's going to be a detrimental influence on your life and the life of your child(ren).

Good luck.

Anyway I'm moving this to The Dark Side because they specialize in helping with this sort of situation over there.

PD -> TDS

 

[itstartedwithakiss]

Thanks for your replies. Yes I have considered I have a problem myself. I actually spoke to my doctor about my concerns and she basically said as I have a lifelong condition i have to accept that it comes with a lifetime of medication. I recently had surgery on the top half of my back- 2 weeks ago to be precise so I'm hoping once the pain from that eases I might be able to cut down on the amount I take. She did offer pregablin but that's just gona b hopping from one addictive painkiller to another. I haven't taken any heroin today but the 'whispers' were definitely there. Telling me just one more to get over this weeks shite then next week I'd go back to normal. One thing I've learnt from seeing my partner go through it is it's that kind of rationalisation that gets u into trouble so I've stayed well away. Just hope I don't feel so shitty tomorrow. And wish even more that I knew how to help him. He really isn't a bad person it's just got him so bad. It's not like methadone or the like would help because he can go a week or 2 and not touch it it's deeper than that

 

[herbavore]

That surgery sounds intense--sorry you had to go through that and I hope with time your pain will be managed more easily and with less drugs.

 

[Chris Timothy]

Once our brains experiences all of those "feel good" chemicals floating around and tie them to something they want it to keep on comin.

One's brain does not forget about events like that, that's why even after the physical withdrawal there is a PERMANENT mental addiction that you have to fight for the rest of your life. Especially when you're down in the dumps, your brain immediately reminds you that there's a simple way to get all of those "feel good" chemicals floating around again.

Ibogaine and then afterwards dmt subsequently seem to be the best psychedelic "magic bullet" out there but you have to want to use the tools, simply buying a hammer will not make a house appear, however it can be used to build one if you want to put in the work.

Please do not do it again in hopes of understanding. Please do not do it again to help "ease" yourself off it. If you don't want that permanent impression on your brain please stop immediately and just suffer any withdrawals or cravings you're likely to already get. They'll come as subtle whispers, rage against them if you hear them while you still can

Actually that's not as much a function of brain itself as you're making it out to be. It's primarily a reaction of an awareness so supreme as to be eerily aware that everything is gonna end all too soon. Cramming as much pleasure in as short amount of times as possible is a bit of an obvious reaction to that.

It goes away once you see death is no problem. Not a snarky suicide admonition, mind you, it's just that there's a point of view from which death poses no metaphysical problem. And once you see it, heroin can wait just fine.

 

[Mafioso]

You actually develop and strengthen neural pathways in the brain when using psychoactive substances that stimulate the reward centers in the brain. The more you use, the stronger those pathways get and the weaker other ones become, like resisting compulsion to use. I believe that is why addiction is considered a disease by many. When you have an addicted brain and you decide to use, you are reinforcing the behavior surrounding using as well as lowering your ability to deny such behavior. It is why people who are severely addicted often see no option and do not believe in their own ability to get clean. Likely they have tried and failed miserably many times over.

 

[itstartedwithakiss]

Yeah he's tried again and again and it's not just heroin he has the problem with. He's took drugs from a really young age starting with pills mdma coke etc then ended up on this shit. I always say to him you're not a heroin addict you're a drug addict he will take anything if it's there and never has the willpower to say no nor knows when to stop.
I feel even worse today I'm so weak and shaky even the smallest task feels too much and my mind feels like it's clouded over with something I can't explain. I think taking the H just sent my mild opiate addiction to another level and I'm struggling so bad right now but I darent take anything in case it makes me worse. After I had the codeine the other night I just felt even worse soon as they wore off. I've had comedowns from other drugs like coke etc but this is totally different, it's going on for days and making me feel suicidal. Surely it has to stop soon

 

[tacodude]

Physical dependencies are excruciating. 5 days though and you should feel better maybe even after 3 as the third day is the hardest

 

[itstartedwithakiss]

Thanks tacodude you were right. I feel a lot better today. Not back to normal but the worst is definitely over. After that I feel like I don't want to touch another drug as long as I live, just hope that thought sticks!
If that was a mild-ish withdrawal then Holy shit I feel so badly for those who try to get out of a full blown addiction. And upmost respect to those who do

 

[Mafioso]

Overcoming addiction and learning how to cope and manage addiction is no small task. Even a mild addiction can be serious as it is considered a progressive disease, so the longer that you are in addictive use the worse it will get and the harder it will be to get better.

For whatever reason, people who have experienced addiction have trouble managing substance use even after they have achieved a period of sobriety, especially with their DOC. It's good that you are getting better and are able to see how problematic drug use can be. Hopefully that was enough of a consequence for you and you won't ever have to experience serious WDs or other problems that accompany heavy drug use.

 

[tacodude]

That feeling doesn't last... You have to find daily activities to keep you from use. It's difficult

 

[chompy]

Perhaps you can say that now that you have children together the family finances need to be taken care of. Tell him hes just paying his dealers rent. Other than that I don't know what to say unless he wants to make the change to stop using.

Rehab is an option. There are walk in clinics to detox using Subs. I cold turkeyed from H. I actually did it the other day and it wasn't even enjoyable anymore. Made me just sick and pissed me off I had 600 clean days. But I don't count that as a relapse as I have not been actively seeking it and the thought of it is just revolting.

 

[stargazing]

Originally Posted by Mafioso
You actually develop and strengthen neural pathways in the brain when using psychoactive substances that stimulate the reward centers in the brain. The more you use, the stronger those pathways get and the weaker other ones become, like resisting compulsion to use. I believe that is why addiction is considered a disease by many. When you have an addicted brain and you decide to use, you are reinforcing the behavior surrounding using as well as lowering your ability to deny such behavior. It is why people who are severely addicted often see no option and do not believe in their own ability to get clean. Likely they have tried and failed miserably many times over.

Very interesting. I had a serious car accident in 2008 that nearly took my life. In that car accident, I sustained a traumatic brain injury... at the time that happened, there wasn't a lot that was known about brain injury, even though research was being done - especially in the realm of the veteran's administration. So I learned a lot about the way the brain rewires itself; I just never thought about it from this (drug-addicted) standpoint. That car accident is what eventually led me down the path that I am on now with opiates.

Not trying to hijack this thread, so I am going to shut up about my own journey now, but I just wanted to reply to this, as there's a book you might be interested in by Norman Doidge: "The Brain That Changes Itself."

OP, I would highly suggest you read it too. It has been a great source of inspiration to me during some of my darkest days.

I'm just going to reiterate what Xorkoth said:
Please, please, please do what you can to help your kids by helping yourself, because trust me: You do not want your kids to wake up one day to find their mother dead, and have to ask what happened and why you left them. I only know about this because I mistakenly overdosed on a substance, and nearly lost my life to it. Never again. I will not let that happen.

I cannot stress it enough: Please get all the help you can, even if that includes leaving the man you love (I know and understand how very difficult this is), you will thank yourself so many times over, later. I hope you listen to all the good advice you've been given. And take a look at the book. It's a good read.

I wish you luck, and I know that (as mothers) we can do anything when it comes to our kids. I hope you keep it in mind that not only do they need you, but they also need your time, love and attention. And I am not lecturing you at all, but giving you advice I have just learnt the hard way. I know from experience, it is so difficult to overcome addiction. I am struggling. But I am trying, for the sake of my kids. They need a mother, and not only do they need a mom, they need a healthy mom that will be there for them in every way. We can't focus our attention on them, when our attention is on the drugs. I hope that your journey is one of success. Take care, and much love. I'm in your corner.