Am I ok?

[dearie23]

Well, I very first started taking benzos in February after just too much long term chronic stress. It was a last straw. I had 0.5 xanax and felt such a relief. Almost contentment. I was able to eat after losing 10 pounds in 4 days from stress.

Anyway, fast forward. Xanax too hard to get in Australia and my tolerance tripled in 10 days so I tapered off. Got my hands on Diazepam instead. Was ok. 20mg a night. Relaxed me. Slept well.

Tapered gradually down to 2mg a night but then my cat fur child almost died and I had to go up to 5-10mg again.

Later, back to 5mg plus half an antihistamine to sleep.

Now...September...nothing works much anymore. 5mg diazepam used to calm me a bit. 20mg used to almost knock me out. Clonazepam 1mg used to be great. Almost as good as Xanax.

Now I have tried the above, phenazepam (pressed pills), etizolam, lorazepam and tofisopam.

Each night I take a differing cocktail. 4mg clonazepam with 10mg diazepam with 2mg lorazepam with 3mg of etizolam with 2.5mg of phenazepam, plus my half (12mg) doxylamine antihistamine.

Shouldn't I be knocked out? I take them all at 9pm. Am still awake at 1am. Then at 11am the next day though, I am EXHAUSTED.

Am I in trouble? I take nothing in the day and have no symptoms except depression, anxiety and irritability which I had anyway.

I wrote this at almost midnight after taking all those pills. I assume it's coherent.

 

[herbavore]

Since stress and anxiety are your reasons for using benzos it makes sense for you to get treatment for anxiety. There have been so many new breakthroughs in the non-drug treatment for chronic anxiety. They involve patience and diligence but once you have changed your mind you are much less vulnerable to having to drug your mind. Look into working with someone long-term who can guide you through adopting new ways of relating to stress. Life will always present stress--always has and always will. Each of us has a responsibility to take control of how we deal with stress. Some people harm those around them but most of us just turn against ourselves. Believe me, I'm not saying any of this with any sense of superiority because I'm in the thick of it as well. But I really do believe that mindfulness, CBT and other non-drug ways of changing lifelong thought patterns and perceptions are much healthier and more sustainable than trying to medicate your way out of distress.

 

[Lost_Vet]

Dearie,

My worry is that one night you'll make a cocktail and you will go to sleep....forever. Please stop with the mixing and get some medical help, both for your body and your soul. You can do this. Sending all my best to you. Good luck!

LV

 

[Mafioso]

Benzos are a nasty class of drugs. Their side effects are pretty dangerous. I've had 2 psychotic episodes and a seizure due largely to abrupt benzo WDs. I'm a poly drug addict so it wasn't just benzos, but I've WD'd from most other drugs before without going crazy or having a seizure.

I believe the feeling of exhaustion could be linked to side effects or WDs. I know that initially they are highly sedative but once you build a tolerance they almost become stimulating and made me very social and active. At one point I was taking 20+mgs of alprazolam in a day starting early in the morning, dosing 2-8mg at a time. I wouldn't fall asleep until they started to wear off.

Sounds like you have built up quite a tolerance and will need to be pretty careful getting off them if you don't want to experience some terrible withdraws... likely it won't be pleasant even if you taper down properly.

I don't have first hand experience with all those drugs, but I can tell you that taking large doses of drugs with different peak times can be deadly. Likely you aren't going into full WDs because you haven't gone long enough for the drugs to start to leave your body fully before you take more. You should really considered a taper IMO...

 

[debearded]

You need to taper benzo's. As I've said a tonne on BL booze and benzos are the only two withdrawals considered fatal in the medical community and they both work on the same neurotransmitter. That's why alcoholics getting delerium tremens (DT's) have to use a benzo to come off the booze as cold turkey would likely kill them. If you are considering coming off of either the assistance of a doctor is invaluable. Benzo withdrawel is a real health issue and can result in death so with that in mind proceed as you see fit but I recommend medical assistance to get off of them.