Even though you state that you love everything about drinking, I am having trouble believing this as you voice complaints about the side effects of drinking. I don't really think anyone enjoys being hungover or the many problems associated with heavy drinking, or they probably wouldn't be considered problems if that were the case.
What I'm trying to point out is that although you may enjoy some aspects of binge drinking, you clearly are at a point where you are recognizing some of the negative aspects that come along with drinking. IME, binge drinking is cool until you are about 25-30, then your friends grow up, start their own families and move on from the party lifestyle. Those that don't tend to delve into a dark place and struggle with addictions. Heavy drinking isn't a sustainable lifestyle, it's just that simple to be honest. It may be fun now but at some point it will start to get old, or you will just start experiencing severe side effects from binge drinking like cirrhosis, diabetes, or the list of diseases that are associated with heavy alcohol consumption.
At some point hopefully you will realize that conversation is shallow when neither can remember what was said- even if you talk about some highly personal stuff while hammered, it's likely it wouldn't have nearly the same impact as if two people had the same sort of conversation sober.
Using any drug to deal with social anxiety, or get out of your shell, is almost always disastrous. At some point you will feel the need to drink/drug before every social occasion or interaction.
Alcohol/drugs almost always make anxiety disorders worse as your body will be withdrawing from the drug. Heavy drug/alcohol use will certainly not help an anxiety disorder and I would be willing to bet money that it will exacerbate the problem.
Feeling like you need to be drunk/high to be socially acceptable or "fun" likely stems from a self-esteem issue. Do you feel like you can not interact with people in a positive way when you are sober? Do you have trouble speaking your mind because you are too shy/nervous to speak when you are sober?
It sounds like you are separating the positive and negative experiences that come with binge drinking. Yes, I had a lot of fun when I used to eat handfuls of pills and kill half a handle of rum- but that behavior also brought on a lot of problems, like even worse anxiety than what I began with, becoming reclusive/isolated, even worse depression when I wasn't high, losing most my friends that didn't drink or use drugs and even a lot that did, a seizure, and 2 psychotic episodes... not to mention jail time and legal problems. The truth is that yes you can have some really good times from drinking or using drugs but be prepared for some of the worst times to follow. You do not experience the high without also experiencing the low- that is the truth when it comes to altering our mind with a chemical. There is no drug that doesn't have a comedown/hang over, it's just the aftermath to alcohol or drug use.
It sort of sounds like you are associating all the positive experiences with alcohol and associating all the negative experiences(like social anxiety) with yourself.
You have to ask yourself- is being drunk and feeling good for the few hours at night worth spending the next day feeling shitty and in bed? Is that a sustainable way of living, can you hold down a decent job if you can hardly get out of bed because you drank so much the night before? Will it progress your career or will it hold you back while your peers move forward? Are you going to be satisfied with hooking up with random people for the rest of your life? If you live the next 10 years of your life as reckless as you have been for the past year, will you wake up one day in regret or do you think all the chaos of binge drinking and partying will lead to a positive future?
I get that the party lifestyle is fun... trust me, I fucking loved it and lived it. That being said, I still have my regrets and wish that I hadn't put partying before friends, relationships, and careers. The thing about living for your 20s is what happens when you live into your 30s? You can't be young and dumb forever, at some point you are just dumb.. lol.. Look at people in their 40s and 50s who haven't given up the party lifestyle and ask yourself if you want that, or would you rather be like someone who has a family or really good job/career? At some point the problems start growing exponentially and outweigh the good times.
