Mental Health Why am I alone all the time?

[Markomarkh]

Why am I so alone all the time? Where have all my friends gone? No one really visits me anymore and the people I only see are my parents and one or two family friends and strangers when I go shopping. I've forgotten what it's like to have a best friend, girlfriend or any friends at all. Is it thanks to the addictiveness of the internet, computers and technology? I just love dicking around on internet and making music all day. That's my hobbies! I don't work due to mental Health reasons and been like this for 20years. Is it the tech tech tech world fecking me up or no one likes me because I'm difficult to get on with? Don't think it's the latter as I had plenty of so-called friends at school. Or am I stigmatised because I've had experience with mental health? What is it?

 

[Vastness]

Did you take any of the good advice given to you by myself and others in your other thread about how you might start to resolve your problems?

Bluntly, you are alone because you choose to spend all your time alone and make no effort to spend time with other people or try new things. Until you decide to change this, nothing is ever going to change.

 

[szuko000]

^This 100%. I am very much an introvert and dont have the same social desire as people i know and this can lead to long periods alone. I counter that by trying to go out, even if it is alone, because interacting with people is beneficial. You should make an effort to go out and interact with these "strangers"

You dont really need a lot of friends, I only associate with 3 people that I consider "friends," a word that i do not give lightly at all. I live with someone i have known since high school and we reconnected but hes not my "friend" (he would feel bad reading this as he considers everyone he associates with friends) but realistically he hasnt been around or involved in the same parts of my life as my friends.

Back to your point though, it isnt that you dont have friends your just making excuses as to why you cant. Any "stranger" can become a friend over time through shared experiences. In order to make friends you need to understand yourself, what are your hobbies, interests, passions etc. I have gone through periods of isolation and normally it doesnt bother me. I go out and try to interact with people more so because i want to stay social and have good skills then me actually caring to go out.

Sometimes you have to force yourself to change, there is nothing in this world that is easy and will help make you grow. You need to throw yourself into the shit if you want to master it, you will not make friends sitting alone. You may have a decent life depending on your view but theres a lot of fun in forcing a positive change in yourself.

 

[Markomarkh]

Hi all, yes I've probably asked this question before in different ways before, don't mean to repeat myself, but my question really is, are there millions of people in the same boat as me? It seems in internet age this has happened, see we all atomised and individualistic now? Listen to this guy, who is a political activist https://youtu.be/e-AUABnUdvI pretty sums up what I was thinking all along.

 

[Vastness]

Individualism as a political ideology is really quite a separate thing from the decision of a specific individual to be a- or even anti-social. You can be philosophically individualist but still a highly social person, or philosophically collectivist but still quite antisocial in your own life.

In answer to your question however, I would say that yes, there probably are millions of people in the same or similar situation to yourself. Loneliness and isolation have undoubtedly become more common as technology makes it both possible and easy to spend long periods of time alone.

BUT that still doesn't change the fact that this isolation is almost always, at some point, a choice on the part of the individual. If you truly do believe, morally, in collectivism then there's nothing stopping you going out into the world and living that ideal by trying to connect with as many people as you can.

 

[Nagirrek]

^This 100%. I am very much an introvert and dont have the same social desire as people i know and this can lead to long periods alone. I counter that by trying to go out, even if it is alone, because interacting with people is beneficial. You should make an effort to go out and interact with these "strangers"

You dont really need a lot of friends, I only associate with 3 people that I consider "friends," a word that i do not give lightly at all. I live with someone i have known since high school and we reconnected but hes not my "friend" (he would feel bad reading this as he considers everyone he associates with friends) but realistically he hasnt been around or involved in the same parts of my life as my friends.

Back to your point though, it isnt that you dont have friends your just making excuses as to why you cant. Any "stranger" can become a friend over time through shared experiences. In order to make friends you need to understand yourself, what are your hobbies, interests, passions etc. I have gone through periods of isolation and normally it doesnt bother me. I go out and try to interact with people more so because i want to stay social and have good skills then me actually caring to go out.

Sometimes you have to force yourself to change, there is nothing in this world that is easy and will help make you grow. You need to throw yourself into the shit if you want to master it, you will not make friends sitting alone. You may have a decent life depending on your view but theres a lot of fun in forcing a positive change in yourself.

szuko000 is right. Isolation and loneliness may result from the use of technology, and particularly the over-reliance upon the internet for meeting one's social needs. However, it's entirely your choice to be alone.

I'm in a similar situation: I cut a lot of people out of my life in order to recover from addiction. It left me alone and isolated. Loneliness can be very painful, but what you need to do is get out there and find people to make friends with; from your post it sounds like you expect people to come and visit you, but that won't happen unless you make an effort to see them. Friendships are a two-way street and cannot be neglected without consequence.

Search online for a local club or group, and join it to approach people. You say that you're a musician? Maybe join a band or something like that. The social interaction will feel good and you'll hopefully be able to find someone who'll make you smile. You're in control of this. You can take it as slowly or as quickly as you like. Personally, social interaction tends to tire me out, as I'm quite introverted myself, so I keep it to a minimum. But it's all still necessary.

 

[-=SS=-]

szuko000 is right. Isolation and loneliness may result from the use of technology, and particularly the over-reliance upon the internet for meeting one's social needs. However, it's entirely your choice to be alone.

It may be our choice but there aren't always a lot of options. I've got no problem talking to people, I'll quite happily entertain an old gentleman in the park who himself has no one to talk to anymore, in fact I find those conversations pretty rewarding as they tend to have more to say than younger people! But finding friends, close friends, takes a lot of time and shared experience which gets more difficult as we get older.. and this isn't even taking into consideration whether you're compatible, whether they can converse properly like an adult, and so forth.

I could have dozens of conversations in a day with random people, sometimes I do, but it doesn't fulfill the emotional needs that only closer friends can. I'm grateful to have a handful of very close friends but then these are 15+ year friendships that started out in school.. there's no way in hell I'd be able to forge those kinds of bonds at 30.. schedules differ too much, life priorities, and actually just finding similar people.. there's 99 empty headed culture clones for every 1 switched on individual.

Modern society has fucked up the social and community dynamics royally IMHO.

 

[Ozekat]

Complaining about the "way it is" doesn't help.......I would know.

You need more change, as do I. And 30 is the new 20 dude, I mean seriously.....

Find out what you really like to do and go do it....people will inevitably follow....leave yourself open and vulnerable....it is the only way to be social.

 

[chompy]

This is why i never learned how to use snapchat or twitter or anything. Im in the same situation as you bro, im just coming out of my shell and going out and talking to people again. I used to be outgoing, a sports player and a peoples person. It's just a bunch of life experiences that messed me up for the last few years but its a learning process. Its progress, not perfection as they say.

Sometimes/usually you just need to take the initiative and just start a random conversation about anything. Who cares what they think about you. Just make sure you are hanging out with good people, not bad ones.

 

[embryo923]

I can totally relate. I am alone almost all the time, I go days without seeing or talking to another human being, except maybe on the phone for a few minutes or online. It's making me go crazy and I'm definitely depressed and a lot more anxious. I have had a lot of trouble holding jobs and I have a drug problem. I know I need to take care of those things if I am going to be able to help myself. Nobody can do it for me. I am 30 also, and it adds to my stress and pressure.