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Isolation

cyberius

cyberius

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Mar 11, 2013
Messages
1,571
The largest blow to my life by meth was on my reputation and social relationships. I severed ties with the few friends that I have so isolation is a serious concern for me. I began using drugs at 16 to cope with social anxiety and lonliness, but the problem has only gotten worse. I'm as sober as I've ever been but the reclusive lifestyle I live makes it all seemingly an effort in vain.

What can I do to cope with social isolation in the wake of meth addiction? I want to fix this, but I've been craving ice really hard because it feels like theres nothing to lose
 
Dude meth really does a wonder on us doesn't it? How long you been off the ice?

I get this problem too. Everything is a fucking struggle but I'm going to a doctor soon and gonna be put on some meds, so tired of this doped out self-medicating shit that NEVER works.

And do you really feel like going thru another meth crash? They fucking suck so hard.
 
One thing that makes recovery so tough is that once we give up the drugs, and after our bodies repair themselves, we almost always find ourselves back with the feelings and habits that made drug use appealing in the first place. On another thread recently, herby wrote something to the effect of (with apologies for misquoting) "who'd want to get sober for a disappointing life."

First, I'm not saying your life is disappointing--only that it's not surprising that it's seeming gloomy to you. I think the solution is obvious, though very hard to pull off...we need to improve our lives to make them livable.

CH's suggestion is on the money. A strong, engaged social life does wonders to make drugs less appealing. Unfortunately, again, this can be really hard to accomplish (I certainly have had little luck in that department).

Personally, I've found three things really helpful in this regard in the months since I quit heroin:
1. I try to focus hard on the little but positive things in my life. Not everything in my life falls into this category. But I try to be really mindful of how much I love walking and playing with my dog, eating dinner with my wife, stuff like that.
2. I try (admittedly with modest success) to work on projects that I find meaningful. Right now that means recording music. I don't plan for it to come to anything. But I do enjoy the process.
3. I get as much social fulfillment as I can from BL. It's not the same as sharing a couch with a good friend. But it's waaaaay better than true isolation.

I'm the first to admit that these factors haven't flooded me with joy and purpose. But I do feel like they've improved my life from the deep isolation I was in when I was using.

I hope something alone these lines could work for you.
 
Do you have a job? Sometimes jobs are full of people you hate, but depending where you work sometimes you find coworkers that are awesome and almost become friends by accident depending how closely you have to work with them. I don't hang out with my coworkers outside of work, but my most fulfilling friendly social interactions right now come at work. I happen to work at a bar too so sometimes I'll end up sitting at the bar after my shifts with one or more of them and getting to sit and talk to a couple of those people are the highlight of my social life right now. I don't have the best job but I've stayed there longer than anywhere else I've worked because of the people I work with. My coworkers have made it the best job I've ever had
 
I like what twang said. That shit about work is spot on.

I'm lucky to have almost always held down a job whilst going thru addiction. I'm doing a lot better than I give myself credit for. I'm good at not recognizing my strong points, prone to depression.

What are you doing while you isolate? Do you have family to reach out to or friends?
 
Meth is tough because it Fry's your dopamine system to the point where everything is just meh. Time is your best friend time away from meth for the memory to fade time for your brain to rebalance time for people to get over the shit you did. Just try to keep things in perspective.
 
I like what Simco said.... I am kind of in the same boat as you.... When I get sober I tend to keep to myself, and dont' feel like doing much because the confidence and energy just isn't there.... but then when I get back on meth , I'm ok depending on how much i've had, but sometimes I just get way to turned on and become sort of arrogant and overbearing like a bully.... I like to argue with people just because, and people can see that there is a change that takes place.... when I have only a little people say I seem to be doing very well.... I've been on adderall since I was 11, and now I need an amphetamine if feels like a lot.... Although i've been working on taking MUCH less.... like a few days a month.... I take kratom sometimes that helps....

Maybe you should get on tinder, or other social media apps.... go to a flea market, join a yoga class or aerobics class, a book club, or even a 12-step group.... A/A and all associated 12 step groups is a great place to meet uplifting people who have similar issues and not only will it surely benefit you , but you will feel WAY less lonely and you can contribute to betterment of mankind... plus there is no limit to how many meetings you can go to
 
motiv311, I find it interesting that you can do just a "little" meth. I'm assuming you are a seasoned user?

I've always been on and off with the.stuff myself but my question is, how do you feel about controlling the amount of it you use and like do you.actually get good, morally sound things done when you are on it?
 
Yes , I am very very seasoned I would say, but I guess its relevant. I cooked it up one time, just to see if i could lol. I would say in the first few years you can get pretty scattered a lot easier because its still sort of new and exciting and your tolerance is practically nothing. Depending on the user its either impossible to control the amount you use, or for others its at least difficult and takes time to sort of develop the experience and discipline necessary.... as it looses its appeal which can take years, you're able to really dial it down to the bare minimum and sort of "maintain" just so you don't have to spend all week on the couch without the willpower or energy required to get up and move your ass. Also don't allow yourself to start watching porn until at least the 6 hour mark (ideally as you are trying to get to bed, and coming down) because if you start watching porn right in the beginning you'll simply spend the next 10 hours watching it lol. . . .

For me I know the stuff is killing me, and that really kind of scares me, so when I take meth i'm almost frantic to accomplish something to benefit my everyday life , while I have the super focus effect still riding strong....also I mostly take it in a capsule orally, and I can make an 8 ball last a month like this..... also believe it or not, but the high from swallowing it is really really great.... it comes up a bit slower than slammin, smoking or even snorting, but the way it kicks in is actually nice and smooth and takes you all the way up to a powerful euphoria.... it is very nice. . and I have no desire to keep redosing like when I smoke/snort.

I would say amphetamines promote behavior that is usually the opposite of "moral" lol but i guess it depends on the person .... I tend to not trust tweakers, but then again some of the nicest and best people I know happen to be into hard drugs...
 
That is an interesting perspective and I can relate to most of your post.

I'm at the stage where it has definitely lost most of it's appeal and I very reluctantly will go back to it from time to time but still feel an overwhelming urge (especially around the 3 month mark) that I absolutely must have some shards in my system and will go to great lengths to make the happen only to be very let down.

Like last time I used was SO fucking stupid. Motel room, on bed using smartphone to look at porn for like an entire fucking night day night finally snapped out of it, sadly my friend was stick on that shit for like 48 hours he has mental problems and I've since decided to not go around him, not communicate with him at all for both of our sakes. He lives in that motel room it is unfortunate I feel like I really made him worse but he always wanted to do the dope too.

Anyways, what kind of things for your mental/physical health do you do? Have you seen a doctor? Do you take any meds? Who else knows about your long past with Tina?
 
Hey there, my drug of choice was different (alcohol) but it led me to similar feelings of isolation and thus depression and anxiety. Which has lead to multiple relapses over the past few years for the same reasons you mentioned - whats there to lose.

I find its a vicious cycle. One leads to the other but what comes first. A real chicken and the egg kinda deal. Im just now learning to recognize ,give validity to and try to understand my feelings and cravings. However in the past Id be doing well then something would change, the wheel would start its cycle, then Id start my - drinking again. I find Im picking myself up and dusting myself off quicker and more successfully each time now (thankfully). But that doesnt mean these set backs arent disappointing, as for me too, it has lost its appeal - its almost entirely out of habit now.

I feel like so long as you learn something from each difficult experience its not worth losing sleep over. These habits took years of imprinting to develop. There will, unfortunately, be no magic cure thatll work over night. So Im learning that its all part of the game and that we just need to treat it as such. Who are the players - me and my drug. What are the rules - what causes my cravings, what are my cravings to me, can i do anything to aid in the cravings. But I find its best to think of it as a best of series - you may lose the match but theres still many more to be played before we can decide who the real winner is.

Just keep your goals in mind. If you dont have any, why not try and come up with some - its ok if its `just for me`, imo nothing wrong with being selfish here, so long as its positive (obviously within reason here, you see what Im getting at though), or for my kids, to pursue career or even just learning goals. Go slow but aim high :)

Anyways,
Best of luck
TOC
 
I completely empathise and sympathise with your situation. Drug dependency is extremely isolating.

For me heroin addiction brought social isolation... for a number of reasons: using smack is a solitary activity; the stigma is a huge incentive to seek solitude; the drug is the best time killer and on it I'm content in my solitude; dependency causes social relations to break and can turn you into a pariah.

From experience social isolation is the greatest risk for relapse: loneliness and boredom, leading to depression, often leads to using again.

I agree with others comments about work and developing new social circles. But achieving the latter is easier said than done when all your energies and drive have been devoted to drugs for some time. Sobriety often comes with a gaping hole in your life left by stopping drug use, and the physical and emotional consequences of withdrawal and leaving behind your past drug life can lead to a crisis of confidence and self doubt. This makes the nervy business of starting in new social circles and building new relationships very tricky.

Although I'm no fan of the 12 Steps, I have to concede that the companionship AA / NA provides is a significant factor in preventing relapse in those who surrender themselves to a higher power and the 'fellowship'. I'm in no way at all contemptuous of this, but for me replacing drug use and the addict persona with a 'recovering addict' persona and habitual attendance at meetings feels like a cop out (but this is purely a personal subjective opinion, and I may be narrow minded and self defeating thinking like this). Meetings and support might be good for you.

I can't really advise on the best steps for you; but I can advise that planning and conscious decision making is essential to build a new nondrug life. I'm going to try going clean again: this time I'll plan activities and pastimes to combat isolation. I am thinking joining a community gardening group, joining a cookery / art class or getting involved in social/political activism may help me (I told you this is a personal thing..;-). Sport could be a good solution too...

Whatever remember that there will be many times when you have no choice but to be alone. Don't fear these times or worry that this 'temporary ' isolation defines you. Embrace these periods if you can as an opportunity to do something creative and impressive in your solitary time (which you can impress new friends with.. or at least provide an opening conversation piece ;-). Again, this is easier said than done. Especially if you feel down and unmotivated.

Good luck. The BL community will help in some ways. If you're feeling especially down and isolated see a doctor. You may be clinically depressed.
 
Hi again OP
Today I've found myself reflecting on your post and the scourge of social isolation in addition and recovery...

Beating isolation and loneliness in recovery has to be one of the most crucial factors when determining continued abstinence or relapse.

If you filter out the religious and new age stuff, a quick google search brings up a number of useful guides and practical advice to break the cycle of isolation. Mostly these sites state the bleeding obvious, but reading their advice can be helpful to validate your own instincts, especially when feeling low and experiencing a period of self doubt.
 
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