• TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Mental Health Do you feel unsupported by your parents and family?

Markomarkh

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 18, 2013
Messages
507
I've had mental issues most my life because of depression and anxiety, I think a lot of it is to do with nag nag with parents, every feckin meal time it's petty arguments, always moaning she does the tea and shite. That's all she does, she's retired like my dad too, and all she does is watch cookery programs all day or some shite reality show! Puts me down all the time, I'm pretty much useless and got no job because I think it's thanks to them! You'll say they love you really but think they have totally given up on me! I have a brother with kids and never see them unless they use us to dump kids on us because of school holidays! My aunties or uncles don't bother seeing us. Everyone too busy doing shit! Feckin boring world or uk its turned out! We are truely cucked in this country! They are going to make a film about me called 'Better off in hell!'

Sorry to sound miserable but where is the help?
 
What help do you want exactly? By the sounds of it, your parents are helping you the best they know how by allowing you to continue to live with them as an adult, cook meals for you, and try to encourage you to improve your life in the only way they know how even though all you hear is "nag nag nag". This is hardly giving up on you. I don't know how you can't see the irony in criticising your mum for watching TV all day even though she is retired and has presumably worked her whole life, when in the very next sentence you admit that you are pretty much useless, yourself, and sadly I would have to concur. Your mum can live her life however she wants to, within her means, and she has chosen to continue to support you when no-one would criticise her for deciding not to.

Honestly, I have got to say, you are one of the most bitter, angry, consistently negative posters I have ever seen. I don't mean this to be an insult, but literally every post you make is just complaining about how much everything just sucks, everything is boring, everything is terrible, and now you are just complaining about how much it sucks that you still have people around you who care about you enough not to just give up on you, even when you've clearly completely given up on yourself. It's honestly no wonder your brother and aunts and uncles don't bother seeing you because your attitude is just so negative that you are probably no fun to be around.

Mental health issues of any kind are obviously no joke, and I do feel for you because I know that they can make life seem as terrible as it obviously looks to you. But your mental health issues don't absolve you of responsibility for your life. We are all shaped by our upbringing, and all our life experiences, and obviously our parents influence all of us, but adults are still responsible for their actions... and you are responsible for yourself.

So I ask you again, what help do you want?
 
Well, thanks for your honesty, I do appreciate what they are doing, they've probably been better to me then anybody else in the outside world, I think I get a lot of my negative feelings from the constant moaning and complaining from my parents, plus I've probably looking at the wrong people on YouTube and social media that I pick up bad vibes, think I'm a cynic, you should look at TheFutureKing or Scotty3861 or Millennial woes on YouTube, it seems I've got myself in rut and drawn to negative things. I really don't have to be, no point in complaining really is there, you are right. You ask what help I would like, well I'd like this country help people long term sick that are willing better and able now back to work, the government does very little for that bracket of people, they don't advertise opportunities available in the uk very well but could. The government could organise more offline activities for jobless people instead of bog them selves down on internet. Think people should stop saying I don't give a shit and start caring again other than themselves and money! This what gets me angry!
 
The thing about support is you almost have to earn it as you do respect. With family there is generally some support without warrant first, i.e. they pay for rehab they try to get you help, but if you dont shape up that goes away. I am not saying thats what happened but support comes in a lot of different ways.

Based on some of what you stated it sounds like you are waiting for help from "people who care" the issue is that you are going to find most do not. You need to be willing to do all of this on your own to earn acceptance from people that you are not "to weak to give help." People want some sort of idea that their investment will pay off be it emotionally or monetary everyone wants some kind of proof that their efforts are not in vain.

Those things you are upset about, you can not put your faith in those things in the hands of others. If there are opportunities out there YOU must find them... this is why they exist because its up to you to find them, if they were handed out they wouldnt exist. The biggest thing you can do is find value in yourself, change your view from how can they help me to how can i help myself, go out there and find what you want as only you can. I can assure you waiting for help, waiting for people to change, waiting for people in general will lead to a failure to start and a failure to fix yourself.

You are the master can controller of your destiny, only you can change your opinion of the world. It doesnt have to be perfect, only manageable with intertwined moments of happiness as asking for more will lead you to be disappointed. This is solely on you so whats there to be worried about... after all your the best at being you and you just need to remember and focus that. Happiness does wait for you but the longer you make it wait and the longer you get stuck waiting for others to help you the less likely you are to find it, the more time its going to take, and the worse off you are going to be.
 
Well, thanks for your honesty, I do appreciate what they are doing, they've probably been better to me then anybody else in the outside world, I think I get a lot of my negative feelings from the constant moaning and complaining from my parents, plus I've probably looking at the wrong people on YouTube and social media that I pick up bad vibes, think I'm a cynic, you should look at TheFutureKing or Scotty3861 or Millennial woes on YouTube, it seems I've got myself in rut and drawn to negative things. I really don't have to be, no point in complaining really is there, you are right. You ask what help I would like, well I'd like this country help people long term sick that are willing better and able now back to work, the government does very little for that bracket of people, they don't advertise opportunities available in the uk very well but could. The government could organise more offline activities for jobless people instead of bog them selves down on internet. Think people should stop saying I don't give a shit and start caring again other than themselves and money! This what gets me angry!
I had a look at those YouTube channels and with the exception of Millenial Woes which at a glance seems to be a little more intelligent and basically satirically titled, the other 2 are pretty toxic and frankly stupid and unhelpful stuff.

I'm wondering how you even found them as they are very small channels with not many subscribers. But as far as the mind and your general mood goes, if you continue to put shit in you will get shit out... why would you continue to listen to stuff that is obviously just going to fuel your negativity? Try looking for positive stuff instead, every time you feel like listening to a rant video or something try and challenge yourself to look for something which says the exact opposite of what you are thinking.

It is true that the government, probably elsewhere also but in the UK especially, does not do much to help the long-term unemployed, and as long as the current shitshow of a government stays in power that situation is not likely to improve. However while you are trying to get back to work, presumably you have a lot of free time so there is a lot of worthwhile stuff you can fill it with. I would second szuko000's suggestion that you change your mindset from "what can people do to help me?" to "how can I help myself?", but additionally, "how can I help other people?" Have you thought about volunterring somewhere? Many charities and organisations would probably be more than willing to accept as much of your time as you are willing to give them, and it would give you an opportunity to get out of the house and spend time with people in novel and stimulating environments rather than just letting your mind stagnate with the same old routine. You can use the internet in a far more productive way than you are currently, apparently, doing - try using this site to look for volunterring opportunities - www.do-it.org.uk.

As far as helping yourself goes, you can look for some way to improve yourself, learn a language, learn a new skill, take up some form of exercise - assuming that you are unemployed and therefore probably poor also, none of these things necessarily cost much money, if any. And on that note, are you exercising? If not, you really, really need to start and it's probably the most important first thing you can do. Just start by going for a run every morning, or every other morning, it costs nothing and will do wonders for your mental wellbeing. Besides this, try and find some hobbies or social activities you enjoy. You can use this site - https://www.meetup.com/ - to look for activities in your area that you can do, some of them cost something but many of them are completely free and again will allow you to get out into the world and spend time with other people, ideally doing an activity that you also enjoy.

Try not to get into an all or nothing black and white mindset either and get discouraged if you try one or a few of these things and it doesn't work out - just keep trying things, do what you can do, and don't let yourself slip back into an "everything is pointless" kind of outlook, if you just keep pushing yourself to take action rather than doing nothing and waiting for help to come to you, you will see the benefits to your life.
 
Sorry to piss on your parade, but only you can help yourself. Forgive yourself first; it's not your fault that you were born to the parents you have and in the environment you were, natured and nutured the way your were. Second, forgive your parents, because they were once like you are.. born to the parents they had, natured and nutured in the environment they were. They did the best they could with the wisdom they had.

Getting stuck in a negative rut. It becomes quite familiar, and comfortable. Stay away from alcohol, period. You're stuck in your head too much, which is understandable when life constricts opportunities around you. You've got to break out on your own - going for a jog every morning is a great place to start, because you're doing something, for you. It always amazes me at the thought processes in my head, the negative and downer thoughts, when trying to justify going out for a jog or even just a walk in the park.. then when you're doing it you wonder why you had those negative thoughts!

Stop spending so much time on the computer. Do things, move your body, get out of your head and into the body a bit more.
 
I was born with emotional and mental issues and even though I still live with my parents too I volunteer at an animal shelter and I help at a elementary school but other than that I don’t do much with myself and I wish I could do more but due to my disability I don’t think I could ever get a real job because I can’t do a lot of stuff but I do something I care about almost every day and I’m happy with that so what if I never move out of my parents house and so what if I never get married or anything what’s important is that I’m happy with my life right now I think you should try to do the same ok
 
... I do something I care about almost every day and I’m happy with that so what if I never move out of my parents house and so what if I never get married or anything what’s important is that I’m happy with my life right now ...

Right on, Newbie. That is a very healthy attitude. Being an animal lover myself and a former grade school art teacher I know what you do is very, very valuable to society and I'm glad you derive happiness from it.<3
 
Top