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  • EADD Moderators: axe battler | Pissed_and_messed

Tell A Shit Joke: Number 2

I wish I could help you Lucy, but I'm a family doctor and you're an orphan.
 
Ha ha ha that probably means you have better taste in jokes than me.
 
Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.
 
Last edited:
bptubbs said:
Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.
Click to expand...

Ha ha yaaassss!


A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting.

I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
 
Why are redneck murders so hard to solve? Because there's no dental records and the DNA is all the same.
 
After having failed his exam, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it. Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”

Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”

Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you to give me an “A” for the Exam.”

Professor: “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”

Student: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers:

“Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 17 Year old lover, which is logical but not legal.

The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal nor logical.”
 
How do you circumsise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw.
 
Oprah: I'm going to make America FABULOUS!

Random Homeless Guy: Does that mean I get a job?

Oprah: .........
 
in jamaica, a slice of pie cost $1.25

in st. lucia, a slice of pie costs $1.75

in barbados a slice of pie costs $2.25

NSFW:
these are the pie rates of the caribbean!

:)

alasdair
 
I went to bed with a blind girl last night, and she said I had the biggest dick she'd ever laid her hands on

I said "You're pulling my leg"
 
A man goes into a funeral and asks if he can say a word. The widow agrees, and the man says: Plethora. The woman says thanks, that means a lot.
 
Sad news,

Today at the nestle factory a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell 50 feet and crushed him underneath.


He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted " the milky bars are on me" everyone cheered.
 
Two beggars are sitting on a street close to the vatican, each holding out their begging bowls one evening, one is wearing a bracelet with a large, carved wooden crucifix around his wrist, and his bowl is brimming to the hilt with coins, even a fair few bank-notes, the beggar sitting beside him has a completely bare, empty bowl, and around his wrist, is a golden star of david.

On his way back from St.Peter's, after giving a speech, the pope walks by, and feels rather sorry for the beggar wearing the star of david.

So, he stops to talk to the beggar, and out of charity, gives him a generous donation in alms, seeing that he has nothing, and not wanting him to go hungry. The pope then says to the beggar waving the star of david 'Sir, this is a catholic country, your star of david is not going to encourage our devout catholic population to give you any money, in fact, they are likely to give more to the beggar-man here at your side just to spite you'.

The beggar with the gold star of david dangling from his wrist prominently says to his fellow beggar 'oi vey Moshe! look who's lecturing the fucking Goldstein brothers about marketing techniques', as the other beggar chucks away the crucifix down the nearest drain, dons a yarmulke, they both shuck off their dirty ragged clothing to reveal smart pinstripe suits, hand the half bottle of cheap whiskey in a paper bag to the pope, whilst they pull out a corkscrew, open up a bottle of vintage champagne and walk away laughing their arses off.
 
Top Tips:


Pikeys:

instead of spunking 100 grand on getting rid of a piece of rubbish, why not just dump it on the side of the road like you do with all your other shit?

=D



(How long before I'm banned?)
 
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