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Tell A Shit Joke: Number 2

Q. What's small and green, and goes round at christmas looking for the best prostitutes?

A. A brothel scout .....
 
What is Santa's favorite pizza?


One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

=D
 
What is Santa's favorite pizza?


One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

=D

Ho Ho Ho!! =D

I was woken up in the early hours of yesterday morning by the sound of Latin rhythms and sustained lead guitar.

Turns out it was Santana coming down the chimney...
 
^ *hates to admit to some sniggering accompanying his shuddering*

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a Christmas Tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.

The tattoo artist says, "Thats an unusual request. Why do you want two tattoos there?"

"Because my husband needs to eat between Christmas and New Year."
 
Q. Why didn't the cube have sex with the dodecahedron?

A. Because they were Platonic solids .....
 
Why did Mohammed forbid drinking alcohol?

Because his wife was too young to get served... ;)
 
A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You'll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.

So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this?
Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.

"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health!
Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!"
The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit.

The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask,
"Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you."

The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a fucking cunt every time he's on ecstasy!"
 
Two blondes walk into a building...



You'd think one of them would have seen it.
 
A woman runs into the back of a New Age Travellers' bus, in broad daylight on a clear stretch of road. The police turn up on the scene. The Sergeant walks around the vehicles, looking and tutting. Then he says to the woman, So how fast do you reckon these hippies were going when they backed into you?
 
I believe that 'International Women's Day' had to be carried over to today:


Because they took so fuckin long to get ready..
 
A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You'll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.

So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this?
Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.

"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health!
Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!"
The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit.

The giraffe and elephant watch in horror and look at him and ask,
"Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help you."

The lion answers, "That little bastard! He makes me run around the forest like a fucking cunt every time he's on ecstasy!"

This is quality. =D
 
What did the five fingers say to the face? Slap! Shameless fraud, I am.
 
Did you hear about the playground bully at the plumbers' training college?

He gave one of the other boys a dead leg .....
 
Went up to this fit bird in the pub last night and said "can I fuck you up the arse for 300 quid?"
"Of course you can", she said.
So I said, "great, but I want the money up front"...
 
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