Hello everybody,
On the night that binds 21st to 22nd of August I took MDMA with my friend. We both had approximately 500mg. My trip started really bad. First i felt panicky and needed to wash my face and so on. My stomach was feeling bad i was feeling like puking, but that may be related to the tripe-soup i had a few hours ago. My friend took me out and i told him that we may need to go to a hospital and while we were sitting at the doorstep, i started to feel the substance kicked. After that everything was fine until we finished it all. I used MDMA 3 times in total, August, July and June. Approximately with 1 month break for each. The first two, we share a gram for 3 people. I never had a comedown effect as much as I remember. I always felt good and happy after the first two and i was able to sleep right when we felt like it. But this time I couldnt sleep really well and I didnt want to stay at my friends after a few hours of sleep.
I went stratight home and bed. Slept for a few hours. I felt really really tired which i hadnt felt before. I was still able to eat and watch something on the laptop etc. But the sleep did not come until 6 in the morning. The next day I woke up around 13:00 and I felt like my nose was too dry and full so maybe I wasnt breathing well. So i always felt like taking a deep breath from my mouth till i feel satisfaction which lasted a short time. This paranoia grew and grew and till it made my heart beat fast around 130bpm. Then my brother took me to the ER and we told them what it was etc. ( I also had lack of appetite) They made EKG and blood tests and they were all fine. Also my oxygen level was fine.
They gave me some beloc to stabilize my heart beat and told me to take cipralex for a month and sent me home. I took half of a cipralex when i went home and as I felt like it could help me sleep I took the other half as well but an hour later I was sweating and almost feeling like i was rolling again but with a really bad feeling. So we went to an another ER and they gave me some Diazepam to help me calm down and sleep but the sleep wasnt there anyway. i would always write conversations in my head for people who don't exist or that kind of thing. So after they sent me off from the ER, we went to a psychiatrist and she perscribed to me, seroquel 200mg, norodol 3 times 10 drops. I took half a seroquel (100mg) when i got home and did 10 drops. I was able to sleep soon enough and woke up feeling much better and were able to eat like I used to. I kept using them, half a seroquel and 3x10 drops, for a few days but my urge feeling to take a deep breath through my mouth from time to time continued. So we went to see a pulmonologist. He said everything was fine with my breathing but gave me an inhaler called FOSTER for I have had asthma in my childhood.
That day the doctor prescribed me the FOSTER, I was feeling full of life and the urge to breathe through mouth was less than before. But the next morning I felt breathless again and anxious. So we went to see both the pulmonogolist and the psychiatrist. The pulmonogolist told me to use them for a week or so and see him again but the psychiatrist told me not to. I also told her that I took half of 200mg instead whole, she told me to take 200mg and 4x10 drops this time and to begin with lustral 50mg, 3 days half. I took a whole seroquel but i didnt do 4 times drop instead 3 again. My sleeping with seroquel 200mg was the same with the half. I usually fall asleep after an hour I took it and wake up in betweens. like 2pm and then 5 or 6 and then almost every hour till i wake up properly.
But the next day with the urge of my friends I decided not to use seroquel and the drop for that day. Instead I took half of an Atarax to be able to sleep. That day I had eaten a hamburger and fries around 18:00 and nothing else afterwards. But i felt really bad and anxious for not taking the seroquel and my urge to breathe through my mouth was so much. I was panicking a lot so I took it but after 20 minutes or so, my heart was beating so fast, we checked it at home and it said 155bpm. So we went straight to the ER again, they made the same procedure EKG, blood test etc. all looked fine once more. Gave me some meds to stabilize my heart beat and panic and monitored me untill morning and sent me home. After i came home I was again not able to sleep so much, maybe an hour orso, but took all my meds as perscribed. But after I used the 10 drops of norodol in the evening, i felt weird and my brother checked my blood pressure and bpm. My blood pressure said 14 to 9 and my bpm was 100. We again went to the ER but there it said my heart beat was 95 orso and my blood pressure was normal. But they decided to monitored me for 2 hours. (I didnt have any appettite that day, yesterday, aswell so I could only eat a bit of rice and yogurt.)
The doctor told me that I could take seroquel so I did. but in 20 minutes my heart rate was 160 bpm... They stopped it again and reduced it to 80-90. Monitored me for another hour or two and sent me home. I was able to sleep but again I woke up around 4 in the morning, I was feeling like I could eat some stuff, so i ate some bananas and went to the bed again. I woke up again in between and finally at 11. My appetite was gone again, I couldnt put anything into my mouth and I was feeling panicky, with urge to take a deep breath constantly through my mouth. But because it is a bayram here in Turkey, the doctors are not working mainly the practicians do. So I was not able to see my psychiatrist but we went to a private clinic. Again they made the same drill with EKG and so on. Everything looked fine again. They gave me some oxygen and something similar to ativan. Before ativan the doctor urged me to eat somethings with salt so I did. After that medicine I felt fine, not panicky, I came home 6 hours ago but again I could not eat much but some peaches and bananas. Although this time at least I can get them into my body. Just not feeling like eating.
The doctor there told me not to take seroquel and the drops but continue with lustral. He said breathing control is totally in my hands and I should control it because when I do that it signals the body that things are wrong and cause more panic. I tried to do a little bit meditation today, was my first time. It seemed to relax me a bit. Now I will do that again. But I still have this urge to breathe through my mouth till I feel satisfaction. I try to eliminate it by taking a deep breathe through my nose and exhale through my mouth. But it doesnt always work. I still take a deep breath through my mouth. As the doctor told me not to take seroquel, he told me that I should wait long times, maybe till morning till sleep comes and only then I should take half a seroquel. I will try to do more meditations now as I have this breathing problem again. I am kinda scared that if i take seroquel i will have tachycardia again. But I am also not sure what will happen in 2 hours when I have to take my seroquel. The doctor also told me that it may take another 10-20 days before mdma is out of my nerve system. Is that true? What are your thoughts for all this? Is it anxiety from mdma? How long may it last? I am also thinking of getting cognitive behavioural therapy. Thank you so much for reading all this. I really really appereciate it.
On the night that binds 21st to 22nd of August I took MDMA with my friend. We both had approximately 500mg. My trip started really bad. First i felt panicky and needed to wash my face and so on. My stomach was feeling bad i was feeling like puking, but that may be related to the tripe-soup i had a few hours ago. My friend took me out and i told him that we may need to go to a hospital and while we were sitting at the doorstep, i started to feel the substance kicked. After that everything was fine until we finished it all. I used MDMA 3 times in total, August, July and June. Approximately with 1 month break for each. The first two, we share a gram for 3 people. I never had a comedown effect as much as I remember. I always felt good and happy after the first two and i was able to sleep right when we felt like it. But this time I couldnt sleep really well and I didnt want to stay at my friends after a few hours of sleep.
I went stratight home and bed. Slept for a few hours. I felt really really tired which i hadnt felt before. I was still able to eat and watch something on the laptop etc. But the sleep did not come until 6 in the morning. The next day I woke up around 13:00 and I felt like my nose was too dry and full so maybe I wasnt breathing well. So i always felt like taking a deep breath from my mouth till i feel satisfaction which lasted a short time. This paranoia grew and grew and till it made my heart beat fast around 130bpm. Then my brother took me to the ER and we told them what it was etc. ( I also had lack of appetite) They made EKG and blood tests and they were all fine. Also my oxygen level was fine.
They gave me some beloc to stabilize my heart beat and told me to take cipralex for a month and sent me home. I took half of a cipralex when i went home and as I felt like it could help me sleep I took the other half as well but an hour later I was sweating and almost feeling like i was rolling again but with a really bad feeling. So we went to an another ER and they gave me some Diazepam to help me calm down and sleep but the sleep wasnt there anyway. i would always write conversations in my head for people who don't exist or that kind of thing. So after they sent me off from the ER, we went to a psychiatrist and she perscribed to me, seroquel 200mg, norodol 3 times 10 drops. I took half a seroquel (100mg) when i got home and did 10 drops. I was able to sleep soon enough and woke up feeling much better and were able to eat like I used to. I kept using them, half a seroquel and 3x10 drops, for a few days but my urge feeling to take a deep breath through my mouth from time to time continued. So we went to see a pulmonologist. He said everything was fine with my breathing but gave me an inhaler called FOSTER for I have had asthma in my childhood.
That day the doctor prescribed me the FOSTER, I was feeling full of life and the urge to breathe through mouth was less than before. But the next morning I felt breathless again and anxious. So we went to see both the pulmonogolist and the psychiatrist. The pulmonogolist told me to use them for a week or so and see him again but the psychiatrist told me not to. I also told her that I took half of 200mg instead whole, she told me to take 200mg and 4x10 drops this time and to begin with lustral 50mg, 3 days half. I took a whole seroquel but i didnt do 4 times drop instead 3 again. My sleeping with seroquel 200mg was the same with the half. I usually fall asleep after an hour I took it and wake up in betweens. like 2pm and then 5 or 6 and then almost every hour till i wake up properly.
But the next day with the urge of my friends I decided not to use seroquel and the drop for that day. Instead I took half of an Atarax to be able to sleep. That day I had eaten a hamburger and fries around 18:00 and nothing else afterwards. But i felt really bad and anxious for not taking the seroquel and my urge to breathe through my mouth was so much. I was panicking a lot so I took it but after 20 minutes or so, my heart was beating so fast, we checked it at home and it said 155bpm. So we went straight to the ER again, they made the same procedure EKG, blood test etc. all looked fine once more. Gave me some meds to stabilize my heart beat and panic and monitored me untill morning and sent me home. After i came home I was again not able to sleep so much, maybe an hour orso, but took all my meds as perscribed. But after I used the 10 drops of norodol in the evening, i felt weird and my brother checked my blood pressure and bpm. My blood pressure said 14 to 9 and my bpm was 100. We again went to the ER but there it said my heart beat was 95 orso and my blood pressure was normal. But they decided to monitored me for 2 hours. (I didnt have any appettite that day, yesterday, aswell so I could only eat a bit of rice and yogurt.)
The doctor told me that I could take seroquel so I did. but in 20 minutes my heart rate was 160 bpm... They stopped it again and reduced it to 80-90. Monitored me for another hour or two and sent me home. I was able to sleep but again I woke up around 4 in the morning, I was feeling like I could eat some stuff, so i ate some bananas and went to the bed again. I woke up again in between and finally at 11. My appetite was gone again, I couldnt put anything into my mouth and I was feeling panicky, with urge to take a deep breath constantly through my mouth. But because it is a bayram here in Turkey, the doctors are not working mainly the practicians do. So I was not able to see my psychiatrist but we went to a private clinic. Again they made the same drill with EKG and so on. Everything looked fine again. They gave me some oxygen and something similar to ativan. Before ativan the doctor urged me to eat somethings with salt so I did. After that medicine I felt fine, not panicky, I came home 6 hours ago but again I could not eat much but some peaches and bananas. Although this time at least I can get them into my body. Just not feeling like eating.
The doctor there told me not to take seroquel and the drops but continue with lustral. He said breathing control is totally in my hands and I should control it because when I do that it signals the body that things are wrong and cause more panic. I tried to do a little bit meditation today, was my first time. It seemed to relax me a bit. Now I will do that again. But I still have this urge to breathe through my mouth till I feel satisfaction. I try to eliminate it by taking a deep breathe through my nose and exhale through my mouth. But it doesnt always work. I still take a deep breath through my mouth. As the doctor told me not to take seroquel, he told me that I should wait long times, maybe till morning till sleep comes and only then I should take half a seroquel. I will try to do more meditations now as I have this breathing problem again. I am kinda scared that if i take seroquel i will have tachycardia again. But I am also not sure what will happen in 2 hours when I have to take my seroquel. The doctor also told me that it may take another 10-20 days before mdma is out of my nerve system. Is that true? What are your thoughts for all this? Is it anxiety from mdma? How long may it last? I am also thinking of getting cognitive behavioural therapy. Thank you so much for reading all this. I really really appereciate it.
I am thinking about seeing a therapist here too. Well that is more or less my story of the last past roughly 2 years. I always thought how I missed life with this, but I think there is still more to it. (Ugh I'll die from cliché ^^) I miss doing mdma too :D but I just cant dare to do drugs again. Thank you all for reading, if you read, this post once again. I wish you all love & peace.