sammygirl73
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2015
- Messages
- 6
I have a problem with speed or base what ever you like to call it. Been on and of it from the age of 15 and am now 43 and i hate it and do home detox about every 4weeks and i get to a week clean and then feel like ive got no get up and go at all no matter what i do and then go back to taking it again and then it starts all again with hate being on it so much its just sad and its been like ive been having a fight with myself all my life and at times i cant see a way out and start to have dark thoughts and put in place to topping myself but i never do it. But i do see life as i would not be missed by anyone even tho ive kids and grankids. So thats me thats my sad life . Speed is living my life and ive done and done alsorts to sort this out but i never win this war maybe am just not strong or maybe deep down i dont want to give it up i really dont know what my problem is as if i hate it and detox all the time i must want it out my life. Also my health is not good at all. I was beat up 4 years ago by a man i did not know and it went on for 45 mins he beat me like a man and left me with busted disc in my back also i suffer with .P.T.S.S and get flash bAcks and panic attacks all the time and at times ive really got it in my head that he is close to me while out shopping but its not him at all my mind was playing tricks on me. Due to the kicks and big blows to my head and face i now suffer with fits which has changed my life upside down.I.E i used to drive a car but now i cant .so am on pain killers that people with cancer are given. Morphine high mg pills and also the jiuce and i think the doctor was wrong to put me on that. And then i have pills for my fits and more pills for my dark thoughts.flash backs etc. So am just a walking pill bottle so all this has made my drug problem twice as worse then it was be for he left me for dead. If i could find something that could give me the hit like speed does and the feeling of doing stuff was not hard work for me then i would detox now and start taking that as i hate who i am and what i am. I dont want to die like this but i know i will. I eat it only. And its only 3grams at most i take.sounds like a small amount but i take it everyday otherwise i cant be a normal person. Ive come on here in hope that i might find or see things that would help me as ive nothing else left for me to try now as ive done it all.
I welcome anything small or big good or bad whatever your thoughts please share with me
I welcome anything small or big good or bad whatever your thoughts please share with me