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Boyfriend can't have sex with me?

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Roper66

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 17, 2017
Messages
1
My boyfriend is unable to have sex with me because he has an emotional connection with me and it "feels weird". He is fine to have casual sex with people he has no feelings for (We have an open relationship). It's becoming problematic for me because I don't particularly want to sleep around, I find emotional connection and sex to come hand in hand so it's been difficult to separate the two, and I do have a fairly high sex drive, currently we do it less than once a month. It's probably been around 3 months at this point. My boyfriend says he doesn't know why he feels that way. Has anyone ever heard of or experienced this before? Is there anything we can do to aid the situation?
 
He's copping out by saying he doesn't know why if he truly feels that way and isn't doing anything to solve it. There's a few scenarios here that I see.

1. He may just not be that into you and is lying
2. He is into you, knows what the underlying trauma is that is causing this situation, but is unwilling to look at and heal the cause
3. He is totally clueless about how the mind works and is giving up without even trying to figure out what the cause is because he can't see it like he can his penis in front of him
4. On and on

This is unacceptable to me, and it sounds like to you. Co-create a plan to deal with this otherwise end the relationship.
 
he doesn't know why he isn't wanting to fuck you but he's fucking other people?

really
 
You might want to read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You know more about his ability to be emotional than I do. But, people with this disorder are not able to connect emotionally, feel real empathy for others, have an inability to love and are detached in many ways. They can be fun to be with and you can have a good time with them, but anything deeper, forget it. They also have no desire to be monogamous because their partners are like appliances they are not emotionally attached to.
 
NPD is nothing more than an excuse to be an asshole. Sorry not a disease.
 
Kittycat5,

Technically you are correct. It was taken out to the latest edition of the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). There is a tremendous amount of controversy about that. Unfortunately, these people do exist and I am sure at some point in the future, it will be back in the Manual as a mental disorder. The problem with these individuals is that they are unlikely to ever seek treatment, unless they become so depressed by a life event (like a spouse divorcing them) that they seek help for that. In addition, they are master manipulators at charming people to get what they want, and if they set their sights on you, look out if you get drawn into an intimate relationship with one. It can take you years to get out. You are totally accurate when you say that these people are assholes and that is an understatement!
 
It sounds like he's using you as an emotional pillow, like a mommy figure. I'd get rid of him.
 
Roper66 said:
My boyfriend is unable to have sex with me because he has an emotional connection with me and it "feels weird".
Click to expand...

Wait, what? The emotional connection is what makes sex into great sex. A sexless relationship is called "friendship". I don't usually support ultimatums but this is a situation where "bone me regularly like a proper boyfriend, or goodbye" would be appropriate.
 
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