I have GREAT anxiety and stress, or PSTD or ADHD. I dont know. I was not born like this. I got it through drugs.
One day when i was 19, i got the first anxiety attack. I saw a friend that died on ecstasy and amphetamines. And we had taken the same. And been together for two days. So i panicked, and it left a mark in my mind. That will not go away. My mind is in fight an flight day in and day out. Try to imagine how much adrenaline, there is in your system. There is nothing else wrong mental with me.
It is so bad, i am retired. I am 27. I was retired already when was 20. And its almost impossible to get pension in such an early age.
I live overseas, so i think it works differently.
And there are not a lot products against anxiety. I have tried all there is. SSRI, SRNI, Ritalin, antipsychotic in small dosis ( never EVER again), lyrica and so son.. I have almost searched the whole planets surface, for a pill, that could help me ( You get what i mean) Because it does not work talking to someone. Hypnosis does not work. I have been around the block everywhere.
Conclusion: Benzos work. Opiates help them work even more. They work much better combined. So it's my medicine. I take it, or else i can't function. But it's very addicting. I can switch benzos, so they dont stop work. If i take the same benzo more weeks, i could eat 100 theoretically. It would give me the same "high" as few when i started taking them. Talking about Klonopin, xanax, and valium. Those are the ones i can get. All though its very hard to get anything in this piss country. ( Very small country)
And i have too much concentration problems, to figure out, to get all in the benzo family. Even while i am medicated. ( deepweb)
I just take the medicine i get from the doctor.
Now... That thing that happened, is almost about 10 years ago.
Alcohol makes me a lot more anxious.
Even if i ONLY take opiates, get REALLY anxious.
So i have to combine them with benzos.
Phenibut ( Gabba B, are they calling it) are making it worse.
GHB is making it worse ( Not taken for years)
Ketamine makes it worse ( Not taken for years, and never will again)
If you asked me what the worst a human could do to me, was drug me with amphetamine. i would end up on the hospital afraid of dying.
Ironic, because that was my primary drug, with E in the weekends when i was younger.
So.. The only thing i can do, is sit a little on the computer, be high as i am right now to gain more mental strenght, or i would not could write as smooth as this.
This is smooth for me high.
So i am asking.. Is there ANYONE that has tried something like this, and is having problem like it.
Can anyone see, what could help me. I really don't know anymore. I have read and read. and tried for almost 10 years to find a "cure" to get just a little better.
Only thing i have not tried is betablokkers. ( My heartrate is totally normal. 60-80 a minute. So why?)
I have seen over 6 psychiatrists, and a few psychologists. Just to rule it out, that it could help me, talk to someone.
So please don't give me the.. exercise thing, diet, and all that.
IS there anything that can be done here? Does anyone have any suggestions, besides abusing benzos and opiates. ( I am also a addict) I like getting high too.
Because.. I can not have kids, or anything, if i never get better.
I am more handicapped, than mental ill i feel.
How do i get that fight and flight slayed or maybe scar it?
So i can live a normal life? Get a girlfriend, get friends again, and so on. I can't take care of my own appartment almost.
Noise are almost the worst.
I know its a bit messy.. But i can't do it better.
One day when i was 19, i got the first anxiety attack. I saw a friend that died on ecstasy and amphetamines. And we had taken the same. And been together for two days. So i panicked, and it left a mark in my mind. That will not go away. My mind is in fight an flight day in and day out. Try to imagine how much adrenaline, there is in your system. There is nothing else wrong mental with me.
It is so bad, i am retired. I am 27. I was retired already when was 20. And its almost impossible to get pension in such an early age.
I live overseas, so i think it works differently.
And there are not a lot products against anxiety. I have tried all there is. SSRI, SRNI, Ritalin, antipsychotic in small dosis ( never EVER again), lyrica and so son.. I have almost searched the whole planets surface, for a pill, that could help me ( You get what i mean) Because it does not work talking to someone. Hypnosis does not work. I have been around the block everywhere.
Conclusion: Benzos work. Opiates help them work even more. They work much better combined. So it's my medicine. I take it, or else i can't function. But it's very addicting. I can switch benzos, so they dont stop work. If i take the same benzo more weeks, i could eat 100 theoretically. It would give me the same "high" as few when i started taking them. Talking about Klonopin, xanax, and valium. Those are the ones i can get. All though its very hard to get anything in this piss country. ( Very small country)
And i have too much concentration problems, to figure out, to get all in the benzo family. Even while i am medicated. ( deepweb)
I just take the medicine i get from the doctor.
Now... That thing that happened, is almost about 10 years ago.
Alcohol makes me a lot more anxious.
Even if i ONLY take opiates, get REALLY anxious.
So i have to combine them with benzos.
Phenibut ( Gabba B, are they calling it) are making it worse.
GHB is making it worse ( Not taken for years)
Ketamine makes it worse ( Not taken for years, and never will again)
If you asked me what the worst a human could do to me, was drug me with amphetamine. i would end up on the hospital afraid of dying.
Ironic, because that was my primary drug, with E in the weekends when i was younger.
So.. The only thing i can do, is sit a little on the computer, be high as i am right now to gain more mental strenght, or i would not could write as smooth as this.
This is smooth for me high.
So i am asking.. Is there ANYONE that has tried something like this, and is having problem like it.
Can anyone see, what could help me. I really don't know anymore. I have read and read. and tried for almost 10 years to find a "cure" to get just a little better.
Only thing i have not tried is betablokkers. ( My heartrate is totally normal. 60-80 a minute. So why?)
I have seen over 6 psychiatrists, and a few psychologists. Just to rule it out, that it could help me, talk to someone.
So please don't give me the.. exercise thing, diet, and all that.
IS there anything that can be done here? Does anyone have any suggestions, besides abusing benzos and opiates. ( I am also a addict) I like getting high too.
Because.. I can not have kids, or anything, if i never get better.
I am more handicapped, than mental ill i feel.
How do i get that fight and flight slayed or maybe scar it?
So i can live a normal life? Get a girlfriend, get friends again, and so on. I can't take care of my own appartment almost.
Noise are almost the worst.
I know its a bit messy.. But i can't do it better.
Last edited:
Maybe you could make a proper detailed post on Longecity forum, because they have some real clever guys who might be able to better help you.