Cheated on GF with prostitute and confessed HELP!

[chasingabee]

Last week I did the worst thing I have ever done. My girlfriend, who I have been with for 10 years and have lived together for about 8 years, went away for a couple of weeks. While she was gone I decided to experiment with amphetamine I bought on the dark net. While I was high I got really horny and looked online for escorts, then just phoned one up and went over for sex.

At the time it seemed like the best idea in the world and I was totally oblivious to the consequences of my actions. When the drug wore off I immediately felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. After one day of this feeling, I couldn't take it any more so I phoned her up and told her exactly what I did.

She is obviously shocked and gutted and I don't know if she is going to be able to forgive me. I begged her not to leave me and I was crying and it was not dignified. I really hate myself for the pain I must have caused her and I feel unbelievably depressed and have even felt suicidal.

I love my girlfriend so much and I am terrified to lose her. We have so much history together and I can't imagine the future without her, she is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am sure she loves me too but I think what I have done has messed that up.

Admittedly our sex life has dried up over the last few years but we are still very affectionate with each other with kisses, hugs and back rubs and tickles. Plus it's the companionship and the sharing of life experiences and the support we give each other that makes our relationship so special.

But it's true I have sexual desires for women that I would never act upon under normal circumstances, but I guess the drug took away my inhibitions so much that I just went and did it.

What can I do to try and put things right, to make it up to her and rebuild trust? Can my relationship ever really be the same after this?

 

[Mysterie]

you are comfortable having a dried up sex life with your gf?

i'm not saying that is a bad thing but just genuinely curious.

you did the right thing to tell her that you made a mistake, i believe you can rebuild trust through open communication.

help her to understand what happened and why it happened, then learn from the experience.

strong stimulants and impulsive behaviour go hand in hand, so this may be a good time to choose to not use amphetamines if that is what you want.

then let her know of your decision and stick to it. maybe it will take her some time to believe you and to feel comfortable and safe with you, but as you show her through your actions that you love her, that you don't lie or hide things from her, it will come back.

it would take both of you to be willing to let the past be past.

 

[pofacedhoe]

yeah the blame for this lies in the absence of a sex life.

hugs and cuddles and back rubs and tickles? WTF!!!!

thats not sex, thats what you would do if you were flirting with someone but its empty as fuck without the sex.


maybe instead of begging her to stay with you you should have said that you cannot live without sex for years and that this the result of being starved of a need.

is there any sex in your relationship? once every six months doesn't count either.

people go through bad patches but years of no sex is not a bad patch, its a dead houseplant

 

[chasingabee]

Yeah you guys have a good point about the sex. There has been none for a few years. I think we got lazy about it and started making excuses like we are just too busy to do it and stuff. I think it is more my fault than hers.

The thing about tickles and back rubs though, is she fucking loves that, she is crazy about getting tickled. But I guess that is not enough.

When she gets back and we talk about what happened, and if she decides she wants to continue the relationship, I am going to talk to her about rekindling our sex life.

 

[third_eye_lasik]

The only time I have ever considered making a mistake is under the influence of stimulants/benzos in combo. I normally am about the least sexual person I know but as soon as I get a stimulatant in my blood all hell breaks loose. I turn on porn and turn into a sex maniac. Just like your situation I do stimulants when my g/f who I have also lived with around 8 years goes out of town. Many times I have almost decided to cross the line but always keep it on the internet thankfully. That being said I can totally relate to your mistake. Not saying it makes it right but being under the influence of a stimulant should at least give you some ground to stand on in her being able to forgive you. It's not like you are normally out on the prowl for women like a majority of men are when sober. Explain to her that you only behaved like that do to stimulant use and that you will stop using stimulants and do whatever it takes to get back on her good side. Best of luck man....I respect your honesty but I can't say that is how I would have played it.

 

[Tranced]

Yeah you guys have a good point about the sex. There has been none for a few years. I think we got lazy about it and started making excuses like we are just too busy to do it and stuff. I think it is more my fault than hers.

The thing about tickles and back rubs though, is she fucking loves that, she is crazy about getting tickled. But I guess that is not enough.

When she gets back and we talk about what happened, and if she decides she wants to continue the relationship, I am going to talk to her about rekindling our sex life.

What, you mean it has actually been years since you had sex? Too busy would be an apt reason if it had been days or maybe weeks. Perhaps even a month or two. If you haven't had sex in years then something is deeply wrong. Have you ever discussed it properly? Like as a deeply revealing issue?

 

[pofacedhoe]

What, you mean it has actually been years since you had sex? Too busy would be an apt reason if it had been days or maybe weeks. Perhaps even a month or two. If you haven't had sex in years then something is deeply wrong. Have you ever discussed it properly? Like as a deeply revealing issue?

exactly- something is very wrong in that situation

 

[vancity]

silly move my man...

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Well, you're searching for something missing in your relationship. Unfortunately, that's something that you'll have to really think about and figure out how to address.

I would spend the next few MONTHS, really sucking up to her.
1. Take her out on dates.
2. Cook food that she likes.
3. Buy her presents.
4. Drop flowers off to her work. Cute cards. Chocolates.
5. Plan a fun adventure. Field trip. Mini vacation.

Find out why you fell in love with her. Make her remember why she fell in love with you.

Then, try to rejuvenate your sex life.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

There's no excuse mate. You could have just had a marathon wanking session which would have been cheaper and guilt free. Yes, stims can make you horny as hell, so why not take them with your girlfriend next time (if she doesn't dump you). It can really revitalise a flagging sex life, believe me...

 

[SamanthaB]

This post relates to the original poster's action to confess this incident to his girlfriend and what he is going to do about it. If one cheats, then that person, IMHO, should NOT confess this to the partner, since telling that person is only helping him/her clear their conscience so they can feel better and does nothing for the person that is receiving the information. If you cheated, you will have to find a way to live with that information. Your partner should not. The hurt that this can cause your partner more than likely will result in lifelong pain and agony. If you cheat, are truly remorseful, value your relationship with your partner and want to stay with that person and don't want to repeat this kind of behavior in the future, go see a therapist and figure out how you are going to live with the fact that you did this and are going to need to keep it to yourself forever, why you cheated and then try to make the necessary changes in your current relationship and/or yourself, so that it does not happen again.