Nervous about court today

[cj]

It's 1230 I should be asleep but I'm fucking nervous. I got court tommorow for a misdemeanor paraphernalia charge. I don't have a huge record so I'm not going to jail or anything and it's not shit compared to what some of my friends have faced. I got a paid lawyer and I clean except for prescriptions so I did what I could do to mitigate.

I feel strongly about our cause and like this is just the price I signed up to pay I should take joy in fighting for freedom. I really feel like history will vindicate us all. I guess it's just my turn to be oppressed.

Mainly I just hope staying on methadone isn't a point of contention. Because taking me off methadone is akin to sentencing me to death. I really believe that. That's all I'm worried about. I got a benzo script and gabapentin script so I'm not worried about sobriety so much as I am my damn maintenance Meds.

Things like this make me wonder what I would do if faced with real oppression. Like nazi Germany's oppression. I watched this movie on YouTube about the White Rose. Basically some college kids in nazi Germany's started printing anti nazi fliers during 1943 and ended up being executed for it. The girl Sophie Scholl had the most amazing thing to say before being sent to the guilotine.

"How can we expect righteousness to prevail when hardly anyone is willing to give themselves up individually for a rightous cause. Such a fine sunny day, and I have to go but what does my death matter if through us thousands are awakened and stirred to action."

That is so inspiring to me. I'm not comparing my case to hers or anything but I am trying to remind myself that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I hurt no one I broke no moral code I subscribe to. I am simply being persecuted by an intolerant government for reasons I cannot hope to change. I am going to stand tall. I suggest you read about the White Rose if you haven't heard of them it's really inspiring stuff. Good movie on YouTube about it as well. Sophie Scholl last days it's called.

 

[Cheshire_Kat]

Funny how everyone thinks White Rose is either some "chick" or a character on a TV show right?

Thank you for revealing the true nature of my BL name, my friend.

Keep the faith and I hope you do well in court.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I'd be nervous too. Stay strong.

 

[spacejunk]

being on methadone shouldn't work against you.

if anything, it shows you are trying hard to change your ways.

take care my friend. thinking of you

 

[neversickanymore]

I don't think they will try and take you of legal prescribed medications. Good luck!!

 

[simco]

Good luck, cj. Sending you my best.

 

[aihfl]

Things like this make me wonder what I would do if faced with real oppression. Like nazi Germany's oppression. I watched this movie on YouTube about the White Rose. Basically some college kids in nazi Germany's started printing anti nazi fliers during 1943 and ended up being executed for it. The girl Sophie Scholl had the most amazing thing to say before being sent to the guilotine.

"How can we expect righteousness to prevail when hardly anyone is willing to give themselves up individually for a rightous cause. Such a fine sunny day, and I have to go but what does my death matter if through us thousands are awakened and stirred to action."

That is so inspiring to me. I'm not comparing my case to hers or anything but I am trying to remind myself that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I hurt no one I broke no moral code I subscribe to. I am simply being persecuted by an intolerant government for reasons I cannot hope to change. I am going to stand tall. I suggest you read about the White Rose if you haven't heard of them it's really inspiring stuff. Good movie on YouTube about it as well. Sophie Scholl last days it's called.

The White Rose is really inspirational. I used to do consulting work for the local Holocaust Memorial and Resource Center and they honored The White Rose every year. Back in the day when I was still a musician (classical) I passed on a performance of Carl Orff's Carmina Burana (it's been used to death in film scores - you'd recognize it), not only because I think it's a banal piece of shit, but Carl Orff sold out his colleague at the University of Munich, Kurt Huber, who was the advisor of the White Rose. Huber's wife begged Orff to use his influence to intervene on Huber's behalf, but Orff refused and Huber was sent to the guillotine along with his students. Orff went on to become a favored composer of the Nazis. Anyway, I know this is a digression but I had to get it out there.

Anyway, I can't imagine that you could be legally penalized for anything that's RX'd including the maintenance meds, but as my attorney once put it, "some of these judges are not the smartest bear in the woods," and in a state like Alabama, as long as judges are elected by an ignorant "sharia law and order" population, nothing changes, unless all of a sudden people become better educated and more enlightened, but I used to live in Alabama and that's never going to happen.

 

[cj]

The White Rose is really inspirational. I used to do consulting work for the local Holocaust Memorial and Resource Center and they honored The White Rose every year. Back in the day when I was still a musician (classical) I passed on a performance of Carl Orff's Carmina Burana (it's been used to death in film scores - you'd recognize it), not only because I think it's a banal piece of shit, but Carl Orff sold out his colleague at the University of Munich, Kurt Huber, who was the advisor of the White Rose. Huber's wife begged Orff to use his influence to intervene on Huber's behalf, but Orff refused and Huber was sent to the guillotine along with his students. Orff went on to become a favored composer of the Nazis. Anyway, I know this is a digression but I had to get it out there.

Anyway, I can't imagine that you could be legally penalized for anything that's RX'd including the maintenance meds, but as my attorney once put it, "some of these judges are not the smartest bear in the woods," and in a state like Alabama, as long as judges are elected by an ignorant "sharia law and order" population, nothing changes, unless all of a sudden people become better educated and more enlightened, but I used to live in Alabama and that's never going to happen.

That's an interesting story about the composer.

Today was anticlimactic my lawyer ended up using a continuance because he didn't have his shit together and double booked or something. So it's rescheduled for another 2 months. Which I am happy happy because it gives me time to make myself look better. I'm going to document going to counseling and NA meetings because I realized it looks like I've done nothing and I'm sure the prosecutor and judge will assume the worst f my lawyer can't get it dismissed.

Plus my grandmother is going to die any day now so it let me sit with her today. Even though she's unconscious it was still good to say goodbye.

 

[spacejunk]

oh man. you're going through such a rough time at the moment, and i really feel for you dude.
that's a good idea about documenting counselling and meetings. i think anything you can put together to emphasise your recovery the better.

take care cj

 

[aihfl]

I'm going to document going to counseling and NA meetings because I realized it looks like I've done nothing and I'm sure the prosecutor and judge will assume the worst f my lawyer can't get it dismissed.

Sorry to hear about your grandmother. That's not an easy thing to do. I was fucked up out of my mind when I did the same with my dad, so it's a very strong thing to do to do it with a clear head. NA meetings around Orlando aren't bad. They're a lot more tolerable compared to AA meetings and I finally put my finger on it at a meeting yesterday (where very little was said) when someone said they enjoy the meetings that are largely silent. It becomes an opportunity to meditate. There's one person who gets on my nerves with his fucking diarrhea of the mouth but that's one person. Anyway, I hope that you actually derive some benefit from it instead of it being an exercise to please the court.

 

[spacejunk]

that's interesting, i thought the 12-step groups were largely focused around talking, but i've never been to one of their meetings.
i can sort of see how silence could be useful, if you're in that kind of space and with other people focused on recovery.

 

[Cheshire_Kat]

Spacejunk,

It's not about the program, it's about the members. AA members being alcoholics tend to like to tell stories. NA is largely about H and possibly Cocaine. Those folks are largely less talkative, more secretive.

No biggie, just a culture thang !

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Best of luck in putting it all behind you.

 

[cj]

Best of luck in putting it all behind you.

Thanks man. I really feel like this is the last time it's going to happen. I'm doing pretty good in getting my drugs from doctors and not putting myself in idiotic situations. Quitting stims is a big part of that. Stims make me stupid and fiendish as a so helpfully friend pointed out while we where shooting coke. But yeah I'm just getting Older and realize how fortunate I will be to get out without any felonys if it works out like that.

 

[aihfl]

Spacejunk,

It's not about the program, it's about the members. AA members being alcoholics tend to like to tell stories. NA is largely about H and possibly Cocaine. Those folks are largely less talkative, more secretive.

No biggie, just a culture thang !

What a crock of shit. Sorry CJ, carry on...

 

[somnilicious]

Thanks man. I really feel like this is the last time it's going to happen. I'm doing pretty good in getting my drugs from doctors and not putting myself in idiotic situations. Quitting stims is a big part of that. Stims make me stupid and fiendish as a so helpfully friend pointed out while we where shooting coke. But yeah I'm just getting Older and realize how fortunate I will be to get out without any felonys if it works out like that.

Yeah not having a felony def. helps... I first tried heroin in 97' becoming a full blown junkie by 2000 and I still managed to skate by without any felonies. I racked up 5 theft and 2 misdamenor pot charges by 2008 but then I finally decided to quit my retail theft habit and didn't get arrested again after that.

I really can't see them taking you off methadone(prescribed to treat heroin addiction) for paraphenilia charges. In Florida it is a misdamenor charge the cops usually won't even bother with and when they do it is often dropped. They would probably prefer you were on methadone.

 

[Jabberwocky]

That's an interesting story about the composer.

Today was anticlimactic my lawyer ended up using a continuance because he didn't have his shit together and double booked or something. So it's rescheduled for another 2 months. Which I am happy happy because it gives me time to make myself look better. I'm going to document going to counseling and NA meetings because I realized it looks like I've done nothing and I'm sure the prosecutor and judge will assume the worst f my lawyer can't get it dismissed.

Plus my grandmother is going to die any day now so it let me sit with her today. Even though she's unconscious it was still good to say goodbye.

Making use of your time before the next appearance however you can to appease DLE facists is a very good plan. I found it super helpful with my priors. Making a good impression on the judge (and if possible w/ the DA's office) is very useful. And you're in a realllllly good position to get yourself a bit more organized by your next date.

You've been steadily making progress for a long, long time now. This might turn out to be a really useful opportunity to help move yourself to even further overcome the shit you've had to deal with, as you certainly know what it means to suffer - I think better than most.