How can I save this girls life?

[Fusro94]

Okay so long story short I'm 22 never did drugs only weed and she is 30 we both recently got out of jail around the same time April of 2017 and we met online we talked and shared videos on facebook/snapchat and everything is good slowly she let's me know of her drug use she is shooting meth and heroin and robbing houses and prostatuteing to support her habit she has even asked me for rides to her dealer to get her phone card and to put her on backpage all of witch I said no anyways through all of her drug use I ended up making a connection with her she is really a good person with kids 3 of them and she is out doing who knows what sleeping in vehicles staying where ever can who ever will keep her high I think her mom is also a full blown addict so she is basically homeless anyways she ended up going to jail and I put money on her books and we talked and I even went to visit her for the first time and she was talking about how even after she gets out she is going to a sober house and this and that she said in a letter she just does drugs to numb the pain and that she has had 3 bad break ups and this and that anyways when she gets out she does go to treatment completes it then hits me up too hang out and I'm so excited she's finally clean so I go hangout with her and I spend the night and we just ended up cuddling all night long (didn't wanna have unprotected sex) and I took her to court in the morning everything was fine however I haven't herd from her for days and I text her asking if she wants to hangout and she replies instantly with this..

(1/2) You don't wanna talk to me or hangout with me I swear telling you with all the love in the world because you're my friend and you're young and I'm weird now danny I am not lying I'm tell you this Is why I was not replying to you your not going to shit on my day... She has tried to push me away before but always text back atleast once a day or when she seems to need. Something but I never give her things cause I don't wanna be a provider

That's what she said to me it seems like a cry for help if she has the conscious to tell me she know she is weird and she has told me she loves me all the time but who knows if it means anything I know she is lonely and miserable how can I get her back to what she used to be someone I never even met I have only known her since April and hung out with her a few. Times. Is it crazy for me to want to change / help or should I move on mostly I just don't want her to be lonely and I feel bad. For her kids. I look at her IG photos and see her happy with her own house ? boat and cars now she has nothing is it too late for her she said she has only been using 3-4 years

 

[herbavore]

Fusro, she is trying to warn you and you cannot save her life but you can certainly save your own. This is a person that is completely out of control right now. It does sound like things were stacked against her if her mom is an addict too. The best thing for her would be to want to stop but it doesn't really sound like that is going to happen. I don't think it is a cry for help, I think she was actually thinking of you and trying to save you from her life. I hope for her kids sake that she does something to turn it around but you are more than likely going to get pulled into the madness way too deep for where your life is right now. Concentrate on getting your life together so that you never have to go back to jail--that's a horrible stress and I'm glad you are out.

 

[Fusro94]

Thank you.. That does seem like what's going on I'm gonna not try to pursue her but just casually reply if she reaches out to me she said just now that she loves me for giving her a new view on life and that she is laying there trying to fight sleep for another night in a row

 

[neversickanymore]

she is trying to warn you and you cannot save her life but you can certainly save your own

qft

If you are in the US I would encourage her to get on state provided health care and get enrolled in a treatment program. Thats a great place to begin. If and when she gets healthcare I would encourage her to get apropriate testing for sexualy and iv transered diseases.

After treatment she should develop and live by a strong recovery plan and program.

But like herby said you will not be able to save her, she will have to save herself. You can help by being supportive, but brace for the worst if she continues to use.

 

[Fusro94]

She text me last night after we had already said good night she text me saying... (1/2) Hey it is 4:07 phone isn't working very well but I just can't access to it again lol the meaning of sleep to me sick I don't think my mentality is going to make any more questions answered...

That's what she said last night real late that I woke up to it don't really make sense other then it's late and she's been up for days needing sleep but she says her mentally can't answer questions does that mean she wants to talk but knows she can't provide answers

 

[Cheshire_Kat]

Seriously, you cannot save anyone. One has enough difficulty saving ones own life.

She has to want to save her own life, she is clearly letting you know she has no interest in that. That's her decision not yours.

You can stand by waiting to offer help if she asks for it. Nothing short of her asking for help will truly change anything, just make you feel better.

 

[herbavore]

If you were my son here is what I would say to you: Write her one last text. One that says that you do not think she is a bad person or anything else negative about her, but that you know that she was right to warn you and you are respectfully taking her warning to heart. You wish her the best, you wish her children the best. Then block her number and delete it yourself.

You are a kind, compassionate person but even the most compassionate people have to know where to draw boundaries. You have your own struggles right now. I'm sure there are pieces of your life that need attending to (family relationships, etc) as whatever landed you in jail tends to stress every area of your life--not the least of which is your own view of yourself. Concentrate on building inner strength and building your outer life in a way that feels constructive and fulfilling. This person that you care for is not a bad person but as I said before, her life is out of control--it is being controlled by addiction and addiction does not love you or anyone else. She may call on you when she is lonely or when she feels desperate or when there is no one else to call. She may even legitimately call you because your life is not crazy and she is surrounded by others that are. No matter what the reason though, she is in no position to be in a truly intimate relationship with anyone.

 

[Fusro94]

Thanks herbavore that's what I'll do wait for her to text then send one last one stating that this friend ship is. Too toxic but that there is nothing negative on her end its just too much stress she was right I am young and I'm not. Able to worry about anyone but. My self for now

 

[herbavore]

Good luck, Fusro, I really wish you the best.