Radtastastic
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2017
- Messages
- 31
Today is my sons 10th Birthday, one year anniversary of my best friend (daughters God Mothers overdose) and both are in heaven. I am about to be homeless (housing crisis here- 90 day no causes are non stop in this city- about 30 days left with no solution). I went through a violent, traumatic situation not long ago. My career in theater, counseling and now my ever going to finish my doctorate in neuroscience won't EVER happen. The long winded part...
My physician in Portland Oregon was looking to validate her zealous request to get my off my prescribed klonopin for nuerological condition.
My physician prior to her I made a formal complaint to medical board. In a year I met him once, he works at a clinic that deals almost exclusively with addicts (I'm in long term recovery). I transferred to him when the physician I loved had dear friend get hired on care team (conflict of interest as she would have to be my Dr when mine was out and review my file etc)
I filed with medical board as he landed me in an ambulance 3 times in that year for errors with my medication. The day I met him was day before I met my new Dr. (3 month wait for the 'new one')
I was on a pain contract at the old one. 6 mg per day of klonopin (that clinic doesn't prescribe controlled- I have special case)
When I met him I'd been out of my clonazapam for couple days but I couldn't stand him and knew I was meeting 'new Dr) next day. December 2016.
She wrote my script, offered pain meds (didn't take) and I stupidly didn't notify my former office. They check drug monitoring system and I violated that for not telling them I left clinic. He eventually caught onto my complaints with administration, med board and calls my Dr.
My addiction WAS NOT hidden from here. Ever, I've been clean gears. When she brought up call I told scenario unaware that they went to med school together, worked together and are in one anothers FB photos.
I have NEVER been on contract with her. She kept writing in my visit summary 'violated pain contract' I fought until I was transferred to a PSYCHIATRIC nurse practitioner to deal with my medication.
He put me on contract and was going to fill medications after UA came back. First I find out that he claimed 'failure to leave a UA' 5 days after I handed it to the lab in front of 4 staff I know by name. Fought this. Finally I had chance to retake a UA (Tuesday). To get a TAPER.
The lab (no joke) used a standard dipstick for benzos. So no taper as "I'm not taking"
I worked in the field I know that klonopin would not be picked up. I know this is long but I am scared.
My pain condition 60 percent of us commit suicide. Klonopin was how I had a tiny bit of quality of life (with 12 other medications and multiple brain surgeries)
Clean over seven years and now have 3 'broken pain contracts' I was on 6 mg about 5 years and by time of this cold turkey detox I was taking 4 for a week (excess from years of high dose)
I am a Mother and my health is making me have Dad take her. I planned trip to Disneyland end of the month (with parents). Also have highly progressive MS so only way I could do it. My plane tickets insured as I was prepared for financial/physical hits for me. Not this but clearly can't go.
I won't win this fight with a new Dr. She also reflagged me, put my substance abuse disorder on office visit month ago and other Dr. flagged me.
Thing is I stayed clean by telling my Doctors. Always.
I went 11 years undiagnosed and finally had perfected how to parent- I cut out everyone, had her 70 percent of time at the most. I recovered from brain surgery WITHOUT opiates. I had to lower pain a bit and not lose myself to parent.
I have no idea why I'm clean. I have no idea why I'm alive. It's 48 hours without klonopin and I'm in really extreme pain. I'm flagged everywhere (I put Substance abuse disorder on MY RECORD 7 years ago- helped me stay clean- reflagged I'm screwed)
I moved 2 minutes away from a hospital 2 years ago. Nature of my illnesses and medical screw ups the ER doctors know me.
I am on GABA (max dose) already and deathly allergic to most antiseizures. I am a seizure risk.
I am not going to survive this. If I get through the detox I have to live with pain this extreme again. I was still hitting level 10 pain on it couple days a week- huge improvement from prior.
My pain will increase, drastically, when rain returns. I know that this isn't concise.
I'm going to have a grand mal (I hope honestly) or will relapse. Things have changed drastically from when I got clean and klonopin isn't readily accessible on interwebs.
I have no clue what I would relapse on (I talk to no one) so see no reason no not go get vodka at least.
*maxed my 90 day cap on inpatient mental health via Medicare. Used a lovely place which has a pain program for addicts 8 times while clean.
*I can't physically tolerate a traditional psychiatric hospital.
#sorry so long. I am a mess. I always, always see a solution. This time- I don't have any. Not long term with a hint my quality of life won't be constant torture.
My physician in Portland Oregon was looking to validate her zealous request to get my off my prescribed klonopin for nuerological condition.
My physician prior to her I made a formal complaint to medical board. In a year I met him once, he works at a clinic that deals almost exclusively with addicts (I'm in long term recovery). I transferred to him when the physician I loved had dear friend get hired on care team (conflict of interest as she would have to be my Dr when mine was out and review my file etc)
I filed with medical board as he landed me in an ambulance 3 times in that year for errors with my medication. The day I met him was day before I met my new Dr. (3 month wait for the 'new one')
I was on a pain contract at the old one. 6 mg per day of klonopin (that clinic doesn't prescribe controlled- I have special case)
When I met him I'd been out of my clonazapam for couple days but I couldn't stand him and knew I was meeting 'new Dr) next day. December 2016.
She wrote my script, offered pain meds (didn't take) and I stupidly didn't notify my former office. They check drug monitoring system and I violated that for not telling them I left clinic. He eventually caught onto my complaints with administration, med board and calls my Dr.
My addiction WAS NOT hidden from here. Ever, I've been clean gears. When she brought up call I told scenario unaware that they went to med school together, worked together and are in one anothers FB photos.
I have NEVER been on contract with her. She kept writing in my visit summary 'violated pain contract' I fought until I was transferred to a PSYCHIATRIC nurse practitioner to deal with my medication.
He put me on contract and was going to fill medications after UA came back. First I find out that he claimed 'failure to leave a UA' 5 days after I handed it to the lab in front of 4 staff I know by name. Fought this. Finally I had chance to retake a UA (Tuesday). To get a TAPER.
The lab (no joke) used a standard dipstick for benzos. So no taper as "I'm not taking"
I worked in the field I know that klonopin would not be picked up. I know this is long but I am scared.
My pain condition 60 percent of us commit suicide. Klonopin was how I had a tiny bit of quality of life (with 12 other medications and multiple brain surgeries)
Clean over seven years and now have 3 'broken pain contracts' I was on 6 mg about 5 years and by time of this cold turkey detox I was taking 4 for a week (excess from years of high dose)
I am a Mother and my health is making me have Dad take her. I planned trip to Disneyland end of the month (with parents). Also have highly progressive MS so only way I could do it. My plane tickets insured as I was prepared for financial/physical hits for me. Not this but clearly can't go.
I won't win this fight with a new Dr. She also reflagged me, put my substance abuse disorder on office visit month ago and other Dr. flagged me.
Thing is I stayed clean by telling my Doctors. Always.
I went 11 years undiagnosed and finally had perfected how to parent- I cut out everyone, had her 70 percent of time at the most. I recovered from brain surgery WITHOUT opiates. I had to lower pain a bit and not lose myself to parent.
I have no idea why I'm clean. I have no idea why I'm alive. It's 48 hours without klonopin and I'm in really extreme pain. I'm flagged everywhere (I put Substance abuse disorder on MY RECORD 7 years ago- helped me stay clean- reflagged I'm screwed)
I moved 2 minutes away from a hospital 2 years ago. Nature of my illnesses and medical screw ups the ER doctors know me.
I am on GABA (max dose) already and deathly allergic to most antiseizures. I am a seizure risk.
I am not going to survive this. If I get through the detox I have to live with pain this extreme again. I was still hitting level 10 pain on it couple days a week- huge improvement from prior.
My pain will increase, drastically, when rain returns. I know that this isn't concise.
I'm going to have a grand mal (I hope honestly) or will relapse. Things have changed drastically from when I got clean and klonopin isn't readily accessible on interwebs.
I have no clue what I would relapse on (I talk to no one) so see no reason no not go get vodka at least.
*maxed my 90 day cap on inpatient mental health via Medicare. Used a lovely place which has a pain program for addicts 8 times while clean.
*I can't physically tolerate a traditional psychiatric hospital.
#sorry so long. I am a mess. I always, always see a solution. This time- I don't have any. Not long term with a hint my quality of life won't be constant torture.
