Hi im new

[Darnag]

Hey everybody! Not very good at these introductions, never really started doing drugs recreationally until recently.I had the occasional opiod. Right now I'm prescribed clonanapazam at 2MG per pill alonog with methlyphenid which is crappy adderal or so people have told me. I started really liking speed when someone gave me some vyvanse over the holidays, it made me feel really good, way better than other medicine I've taken. I suffer from bipolar disorder and have been on a slew of different shitty medications doctors have prescribed me but personally I get the "best" feeling from stimulants. This probably isn't relevent but I'm also diagnosed on the autism spectrum and always feel really self-conscious about how I sound but when I take an upper I enjoy this great confidence. You don't have to be autistic to feel that way but for me it brings out those feelings.


The clonopin isn't that great and I only notice any kind of buzz at around 3 times the prescribed dosage. Funny store but once I tried ODing on clonopin because I was having a bad spell and took a ton, got taken to the ER and felt nothing really aside from some staggering. When I got taken to the mental ward the doctors there put me on xanax I think..I can't remember completely but I felt much more of an immediate effect. I have severe social anxiety and am a bit of an agoraphobe and things like loud noises are very triggering to me. I've talked again and again to my doctor about this and how when I have an "attack" I need something faster acting but he just says how clonopin has a longer halfline, stays in the system longer and benefits me more overall. Really just think he doesn't want to prescribe a drug thats used recreationaly so much. Same reason I'm on methyl. instead of adderal or ritalin. I don't even think its a stimulant? I do experience euphoric spells under it but generally have to do 3-4 pills at one time for a good feeling. I've been experimenting with gabapentin lately too but I'm noticing it takes a lot for me to feel much of anything. Googled around some and people say great things about it =|

Nothing much really interesting to say about myself. To help with social anxiety I've tried to start streaming (just me playing games) and its something I've always wanted to try. Really just like video games and bad horror movies. Typical internet nerd shit, like anime,cartoons etc..a bunch of shit no one cares to hear about or I'll go on a long tangent. Use to collect bugs though.

That's all.

 

[third_eye_lasik]

Welcome to the site! I have experience with both ritalin and k-pins both of which help with social anxiety. Stimulants can help with that type of anxiety but generalized anxiety disorder can be made worse by using them in my experience. So do you live stream on youtube?

 

[Softgrip]

hiii Welcome to sweet community i'm also new here

 

[Darnag]

Welcome to the site! I have experience with both ritalin and k-pins both of which help with social anxiety. Stimulants can help with that type of anxiety but generalized anxiety disorder can be made worse by using them in my experience. So do you live stream on youtube?

Thanks! and I stream on twitch, use to do smashcast but way less people go there so I just went back to twitch. Haven't tried youtube but my internet can be spotty (suppose to get 10 up but it too frequently goes to 3) so I can get away with a bitrate that's 2900 on a bad night. I think youtube supports 1080p without partnership so I assume everybody is 1080p which would suck for me. Use to have way worse internet until I switched to the only other provider in our area. Before I could only manage at resolutions below 720 and people told me not to bother since people only watch 720 or higher. I assume its that way on YT but with 1080p instead. On a good day my internet could easily do 1080p 30 fps but it has a terrible tendency to sink down to the 3mbps mark at the worst times.

I still may try YT since I hear their transcode allows people with garbage connections to be able to watch. I don't want to be famous or anything but right now I'm just trying to get maybe 20 or so regular viewers. I'm pretty new to streaming but have a decent mic I paid over 100$ for but I have issues with picking up lots of ambient sound like my nephews when they're awake so I'm stuck streaming at night. I live with my family due to certain circumstances so yea. I don't mind this that much since I'm pretty nocturnal (don't work) but sucks when I'm on a day schedule. Today was bad because I streamed 5 hours of Final Fantasy 14 and then I watched the vod and was pretty horrified to hear my mic had caught all the shit going on in my living room. I'm still experimenting with getting my audio right too since I'm a neophyte to a lot of this and I'm the kind of person who hates asking for help when I could just look things up and research. I absolutely hate going to someone and going "Hey,how do you do this yourself?". I wasn't always that way but life has made me like that I guess.

Sorry for the block of text,tend to blather on about stuff I do.


As for the generalized anxiety thing I do believe you're right from personal experience. This is going to sound really stupid but a big reason I started snorting ritalin more was because I was super shy and quiet when I started streaming and I found if I snorted several pills it would make me more talkative and inclined to be silly without reservations as much. I'm not very intelligent and am super self-couscous but one of my few good traits is that when I feel comfortable I can really make certain people laugh. Its what got me laid in the first place,otherwise I'm a very crappy person. I hate how people assume those with autism are super intelligent, I mean, some really are but for me a big part of it is just obsessing over certain things and in my case, being very sensitive to loud noise, namely yelling and screaming. No one likes this stuff but when I hear it I break into a sweat and get ulcers and an upset stomach.

When I take k-pin now I find I only get a reaction if its 2-3 two MG pills. Not even talking about using them for fun or whatever, just in general. Its something I've discussed with my therapist and doctor but right now I'm on the highest dosage they can give me. I've reached a point now where they've been resorting more to other stuff of a non-medical nature.

 

[third_eye_lasik]

Very cool I would love to get into live streaming but I'm afraid I don't have any interesting ideas if what to stream. I'm always thinking of new phone app ideas as well as cool ideas for a YouTube channel but work always gets in the way.