Light At The End Of The Tunnel

[Xan_Man]

I want to apologize up front if this has been posted in the wrong section. I haven't been on this site in quite some time and this topic is not one I've ever posted about. For years I've been an addict. Cigs, alcohol, weed, opiates, DXM, benzos, coke, addy/ritalin, shrooms. I had a problem with each and every one of these substances. Although the only ones that stuck were cigs and weed. The others seemed to happen in rotation. But the main focus is that at heart I was an addict, who just didn't really have one single DOC.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago. I had been buying xanax multiple times from a coworker and abusing the hell out of it. Smoking more cigs than ever. Downing 6 packs on nights I couldn't score anything else. Smoking weed multiple times a day. A new coworker came onto the job about 2 weeks ago. Having the addict mentality that I do, of course I asked if he could score anything. And he came through with oxys. So I started grabbing those from him multiple nights in a row. 3 days ago he told me he ran out of a source, so he offered me suboxone instead. Me at the time, just desperate to get high and only caring about that and nothing else, bought 2 8mg suboxone films. He warned me not to take the whole thing. It looked so small at the time, and being that I could take up to 60mg oxy in a sitting [I now realize that is not as much as I had originally thought]. Anyway I took the whole thing, and spent the whole next day throwing up. Violently ill, projectile vomiting. I normally research extensively before trying something new but I was in such a desperate mode and my inhibitions were gone from xanax.

THE POINT IS... the last 2 days after reading up on suboxone I've been taking small [2mg] doses twice a day and I have not touched another substance. Not one beer, xanax pill, cigarette, one pull of weed. MY DESIRE TO USE ANYTHING AT ALL HAS DISAPPEARED. And even though it's only been two days, that is MASSIVE progress for me. It's the first 2 days in a row without a substance I've gone in 9 years. Excluding the subs of course. But they haven't been getting me high. Just making me in a real good mood and eliminating ALL cravings. I actually feel like a human being again. Like I did before the first time I ever introduced a substance into my body. I just want to understand what is happening. I barely have any of the sub left. Only enough for tomorrow. When I stop taking it, will I go back to the way I really am... is my question. I took way too much suboxone the first attempt to get high, and within the course of 2 days and reducing the dose by 6 mg it turned into some wonder drug. Is this placebo or am I onto something

 

[Jabberwocky]

Your experience with buprenorphine is not uncommon. In terms of returning to your former patterns of drug use after stopping buprenorphine, it doesn't sound like you have any reason to suggest anything would change. It sounds like you'd benefit from a longer course of the meditation to help you gain the stability necessary at improving the character of your life and learning some skills to more skillfully cope. It's all about learning how to meet ones psychological, emotional and physical needs without having to rely on harmful drug use. That tends to take time and effort. There is no magic pill for that, alas.

 

[Xan_Man]

Your experience with buprenorphine is not uncommon. In terms of returning to your former patterns of drug use after stopping buprenorphine, it doesn't sound like you have any reason to suggest anything would change. It sounds like you'd benefit from a longer course of the meditation to help you gain the stability necessary at improving the character of your life and learning some skills to more skillfully cope. It's all about learning how to meet ones psychological, emotional and physical needs without having to rely on harmful drug use. That tends to take time and effort. There is no magic pill for that, alas.

Thank you for the quick reply. I realize there is no magic pill for that unfortunately. I'm just confused as to why I'm getting these results. I tried searching for similar reactions and couldn't find any. If anything, all I found is people smoking more cigs. Also, people seemed to say that all it did was reduce opiate cravings, no mention of other cravings. If this kid doesn't have more suboxone then I have no way of getting more. I am not an opiate addict per say so I can't go to the doc for it, I have to keep it hidden from my parents as well. I'm just afraid to go back to my old ways. Maybe this was the push in the right direction I needed. I just would like to understand it better from a scientific perspective. But maybe I shouldn't question it and I should just go with it. For the first time in so long I feel hope, something I never thought I would find. And it came in such an ironic way.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I hope you're able to make the best of it!