Hey guys, I have never used H before but your words have really spoken to me. I am 25 and have had substance abuse issues going back to when I was 17. It all started with alcohol in high school. Then came the cigarettes and weed when I was 18. Next came the DXM and the Xanax. There were other substances that were used as well. I've never officially had a steady DOC, but many different substances have filled the role until I was on to the next one. Recently [within the last couple of months] I had gotten myself to the point where I would only drink once a week or so and smoke weed everyday. Along with cigarettes which I had been smoking daily since 18. This was progress from some of the harder stuff I used in the past.
Well the month of July was not a good one for me. The main reason I was only smoking and drinking was due to lack of availability of other stuff. Xanax and oxy became available to me and I was abusing both. Not at the same time though. And this was spread out over the month. I was also smoking more cigs and weed than usual. The other day my connection for both oxy and xanax [2 separate people] went dry at the same time. The oxy guy offered me suboxone, and I didn't know anything about it. I was in such a desperate state to get high that I bought 2 8mg strips. He said not to use the whole thing at once since I had only a slight opiate tolerance. I didn't listen. Puked my guts out for 7 straight hours the next day when I woke up. I had felt too shitty to consider using or drinking anything for the rest of that night. I believe I took a few drags of a cigarette and tossed it. That was the extent of it.
So that left me with nothing but one more 8 mg strip the next morning. I was out of cigarettes, weed, and had nothing else. No alcohol in the house nor anything else. Normally I would fiend for SOMETHING, and end up buying some beer, weed or at least cigarettes. And I was feeling better that day too so I didn't have any reason not to. Well I read up more about the subs, decided on a dosage of 2 mg and expected to get high. Because the night before when I had taken the 8mg I was high as a kite all night. I hadn't gotten sick until I woke up in the morning. Anyway, I cut the strip up and estimated the 2mg, took it, and ALL DAY I had ZERO cravings, for anything. For the first time in like 8 years I went a whole day without my brain nagging at me to ingest something or smoke a cigarette or weed. I was able to actually focus on my life. I felt like a human being again. Today has been day 2 of NOTHING. Well day 2 is over, technically I've reached day 3. When I go to sleep and wake up it will officially start day 3. I have about 3 mg of sub left to spread out during the day. But I will also face temptation again being that I have to go back to work tomorrow. So tomorrow is my true test. I NEVER make it a full shift without smoking weed or cigs, because all my coworkers do too. It's literally second nature at that job, and I'm a delivery driver so it's so easy to smoke while working. If I can make it through, so can you guys.
Maybe I'm just experiencing weird effects from the sub, but I swear it's not getting me high, simply removing the thoughts of substance from my mind completely. So it feels like I've been reborn because I haven't felt that way for even ONE DAY since I was 16. Once tomorrow is over, I'm terrified I'm gonna go back to my old ways. I don't know how much of this change is because of the subs or my willpower. Sorry for rambling. I'm mostly talking to myself. It really helps to get this all off my chest. I can completely relate to the helpless feelings you guys have experienced. Lets all do this together.
