Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
- Joined
- Nov 3, 1999
- Messages
- 84,998
Do what you need to do to accomplish your goals, whatever that might be.
Sick for the thousandth time
- Thread starter d3athadone
- Start date
Are you currently working deathadone? I'm guessing since you're sick all the time you're currently unemployed or have the most understanding boss in the history of the world. I've worked in the service industry for the past 5 years and have been bartending for the past 2. I really love my job and honestly even though I'm back in school i can't see myself ever quitting my current job because I work with some awesome people and have cool regulars that I talk to outside of work. It's also where I met the girl I'm currently dating who's by far the coolest, most beautiful girl I've ever been with. The good thing about bartending is its a fairly easily obtainable goal. Have you worked as a bartender before? I started out as a waiter in the restaurant I work at now and after proving myself as a good employee I asked if they'd put me behind the bar and that's how I got my start bartending. Just gotta get your foot in the door. you can't be dopesick with a job like that because you'll lose your credibility really quick if you're calling into work sick all the time.
You say you're lacking energy when you're sober, that means you gotta start eating better and start working out regularly, which are also stepping stones to sobriety. Smoothies are a great way to get a huge amount of nutrients into your body easily and tastily. I would put spinach or kale, broccoli, avocado, banana, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, and yogurt into a blender and make a 32 oz smoothie and that would generally be my breakfast and lunch. Even if you don't like vegetables all those sweet fruits will mask their flavor entirely. Obviously fresh foods are better, but aside from the avocado and banana you can get all that stuff in the frozen food section and it's already pre-washed and cut up small enough that you can just throw it in a blender without any prep work.
When you haven't worked out on a regular basis for a long time, or ever, it's very hard to find the motivation to actually start doing it. You just gotta take a page out of Nikes book and "just do it"
You don't even need equipment, just start out doing push ups and sit ups. Those two things alone will take you pretty far. Turn on some Nine Inch Nails and just fuckin hit it. Do as many push ups as you can, wait 10 minutes, and do it again. You gotta start slow when you aren't accustomed to it. But you will notice results fast if you stick to it. You'll notice an increase in overall energy levels within weeks.
Everyone has a different road to sobriety. For instance, groups are not my thing. Surrounding myself with other people that are going through the same thing as me might be comforting knowing I'm not the only one out there going through this shit, but that's where the comfort ends. I've lived the junkie life, I don't need to hear about the junkie life from 20 other people. That doesn't help me. Some people swear AA/NA meetings saved their life though, so everyone's different.
So I understand your reservations about dropping your current friends out of your life. I just think it's insurance for staying sober. You need a FRESH start. Really I think the easiest way to obtain sobriety would be to move to an entirely new city, preferably a new state/province where you can really get a fresh start and put your old life behind you. I was always a solo junkie once I started shooting dope, except on rare occasions. But that still doesn't mean you should be hanging out with other addicts once you're sober, regardless of their stage of addiction. Even if your friend wants to better his life just as much as you do, you never know if something is gonna happen in their life that's going to end up dragging you down. Maybe I'm just selfish but, especially when it comes to getting clean off heroin, you gotta look out for yourself. Your sobriety should be your number one priority and in the early stages of it you don't need the headache of worrying about the sobriety of your friends as well. Obviously you're an adult and they're your friends, not mine. But nothing about getting clean and sober is easy, especially the part where you cut old friends out of your life. It will get much easier when you replace them with new friends though.
That's where your future bartending job comes in. Keep it clean and if all you're dealing with at this point is incessant sweating you'll be golden by the weekend. This week while your getting your head back on your shoulders, think of some places you'd like to work at and wake up early and go apply. Even in the restaurant industry showing up early to apply for a job counts for a lot. Get there before they open so you have a chance to talk to a manager before they get busy and so he knows your serious.
You say you're lacking energy when you're sober, that means you gotta start eating better and start working out regularly, which are also stepping stones to sobriety. Smoothies are a great way to get a huge amount of nutrients into your body easily and tastily. I would put spinach or kale, broccoli, avocado, banana, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, and yogurt into a blender and make a 32 oz smoothie and that would generally be my breakfast and lunch. Even if you don't like vegetables all those sweet fruits will mask their flavor entirely. Obviously fresh foods are better, but aside from the avocado and banana you can get all that stuff in the frozen food section and it's already pre-washed and cut up small enough that you can just throw it in a blender without any prep work.
When you haven't worked out on a regular basis for a long time, or ever, it's very hard to find the motivation to actually start doing it. You just gotta take a page out of Nikes book and "just do it"
You don't even need equipment, just start out doing push ups and sit ups. Those two things alone will take you pretty far. Turn on some Nine Inch Nails and just fuckin hit it. Do as many push ups as you can, wait 10 minutes, and do it again. You gotta start slow when you aren't accustomed to it. But you will notice results fast if you stick to it. You'll notice an increase in overall energy levels within weeks.
Everyone has a different road to sobriety. For instance, groups are not my thing. Surrounding myself with other people that are going through the same thing as me might be comforting knowing I'm not the only one out there going through this shit, but that's where the comfort ends. I've lived the junkie life, I don't need to hear about the junkie life from 20 other people. That doesn't help me. Some people swear AA/NA meetings saved their life though, so everyone's different.
So I understand your reservations about dropping your current friends out of your life. I just think it's insurance for staying sober. You need a FRESH start. Really I think the easiest way to obtain sobriety would be to move to an entirely new city, preferably a new state/province where you can really get a fresh start and put your old life behind you. I was always a solo junkie once I started shooting dope, except on rare occasions. But that still doesn't mean you should be hanging out with other addicts once you're sober, regardless of their stage of addiction. Even if your friend wants to better his life just as much as you do, you never know if something is gonna happen in their life that's going to end up dragging you down. Maybe I'm just selfish but, especially when it comes to getting clean off heroin, you gotta look out for yourself. Your sobriety should be your number one priority and in the early stages of it you don't need the headache of worrying about the sobriety of your friends as well. Obviously you're an adult and they're your friends, not mine. But nothing about getting clean and sober is easy, especially the part where you cut old friends out of your life. It will get much easier when you replace them with new friends though.
That's where your future bartending job comes in. Keep it clean and if all you're dealing with at this point is incessant sweating you'll be golden by the weekend. This week while your getting your head back on your shoulders, think of some places you'd like to work at and wake up early and go apply. Even in the restaurant industry showing up early to apply for a job counts for a lot. Get there before they open so you have a chance to talk to a manager before they get busy and so he knows your serious.
d3athadone
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2015
- Messages
- 265
^ I'm not working no. Thanks for all the advice man! Its nice to hear it from someone who has been there and is getting better! I actually love dancing and when things are good I can dance for hours and hours. Part of my goal right now is to get back there because your right it freakin helps so much!!! 
I'm keeping your thoughts in mind guys! I ended up cracking because the opportunity was there a couple days ago, but honestly it kind of worked out. I needed to see this therapist today for the first time and I had already missed an aptmnt with her. I wouldn't have made it there today if I hadn't slipped up. It was really nice to meet with her. She was smart and kind and specializes in addiction and harm reduction. It gave me hope meeting with her. She was a lot better than my last therapist who studied in engineering not social stuff. She just knew what type of questions to ask and had good angles on things. I'm not sweating the relapse. It usually always takes me a couple tries to successfully quit. I'm outa dope and just gonna get back on track. Its gonna set me back a bit but wont be a full reset of WD.
I'm keeping your thoughts in mind guys! I ended up cracking because the opportunity was there a couple days ago, but honestly it kind of worked out. I needed to see this therapist today for the first time and I had already missed an aptmnt with her. I wouldn't have made it there today if I hadn't slipped up. It was really nice to meet with her. She was smart and kind and specializes in addiction and harm reduction. It gave me hope meeting with her. She was a lot better than my last therapist who studied in engineering not social stuff. She just knew what type of questions to ask and had good angles on things. I'm not sweating the relapse. It usually always takes me a couple tries to successfully quit. I'm outa dope and just gonna get back on track. Its gonna set me back a bit but wont be a full reset of WD.
somnilicious
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2012
- Messages
- 3,220
Hang in there d3athadone ....After such a positive resolute start I also stumbled out of the gate today. I decided to go get weed to help with anxiety, sleep and lack hunger from withdrawals.. plan backfired though because my weed dealer decided to start dealing heroin and alas I was too weak in the moment. I have 5 days worth of pot and I will now be starting my kick again after that lapse. The title of this thread says it all. I am constantly sick. One of the reasons I never really posted about my quit attempts because I figured I would just repeat the old familiar pattern. I have been able to put together clean time so I know what it takes. I have to change everything...
No more smoking pot. Going to start doing push up dips and running when I get over the acute withdrawal. I just have to be patient. I have been going for walks around the neighborhood with my niece...also playing basketball with her while she is waiting to start school next week. Picked up the guitar and taught myself to play most of "Come as you Are" by Nirvana and "Karma Police" by Radiohead. Really want to learn "Where is my mind" by Pixies. Been keeping a journal so I can better identify my thinking patterns. I truly do just want this so badly. I want my life back, sure it wasn't glamorous and I was a 36yr old server with mood swings but my life was getting better and I had the sense that the world would open up to me if I only allowed it. I hate dope and what I allowed it to do to my mind and body. I am going to go all healthy. Going to teach myself to cook in the process...
..so I guess I lost my weed connect because I cant trust myself to not cop dope. Oh well.. Live and learn, while moving forward. Everyone hang tight and keep fighting the good fight... Love you guys-Somni
No more smoking pot. Going to start doing push up dips and running when I get over the acute withdrawal. I just have to be patient. I have been going for walks around the neighborhood with my niece...also playing basketball with her while she is waiting to start school next week. Picked up the guitar and taught myself to play most of "Come as you Are" by Nirvana and "Karma Police" by Radiohead. Really want to learn "Where is my mind" by Pixies. Been keeping a journal so I can better identify my thinking patterns. I truly do just want this so badly. I want my life back, sure it wasn't glamorous and I was a 36yr old server with mood swings but my life was getting better and I had the sense that the world would open up to me if I only allowed it. I hate dope and what I allowed it to do to my mind and body. I am going to go all healthy. Going to teach myself to cook in the process...
..so I guess I lost my weed connect because I cant trust myself to not cop dope. Oh well.. Live and learn, while moving forward. Everyone hang tight and keep fighting the good fight... Love you guys-Somni
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simco
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2014
- Messages
- 2,246
Hey Somni. Good call on being honest about that slip. Sounds like you know what you have to get yourself out. That's a bummer of a feeling, though. Feel free to shoot me a PM if you want to shoot the shit. (Especially if you want to talk about guitar...that's been one of my lifelines in recovery).
cj
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2008
- Messages
- 9,823
I'm glad you got on therapy OP. It's obvious doing it by yourself isn't working and hasn't been for a long time. Wanting to quit is half the battle so I think you have a good shot at eventually getting there. I wouldn't look at ORT as failure though methadone is best thing I ever did.
Cooking is great. It's something everyone can learn, even though certain people have a natural aptitude for it. It's very therapeutic for me. I've loved cooking since I was a teenager but when I moved out at 18 all the places I lived in up until a couple years ago had tiny kitchens that just took all the fun out of cooking so I rarely did it. The place I'm in now has a decent sized kitchen so ever since I got on suboxone I've been cooking a lot. Ive been making a key lime pie once or twice a week because they're so refreshing and delicious during the summer months. kind of addicted to them honestly. I think I'm just now starting to get tired of them after having made prolly 15-20 of them in the past couple months. Next week I'm gonna try using half limes and half lemons and make a lemon-key lime pie. I love being in the kitchen. It's a good skill to have, and very necessary if you want to eat healthy and enjoy every meal you have. You have to find simple pleasures in life while you're in recovery and eating delicious food is certainly one of them. It costs money to eat like a king every day but it's well worth it. And if you have a significant other they'll love you for it. And even if you don't, it's awesome being able to share the food you make with friends/family to share the enjoyment with you. my last gf was a vegan so I almost never ate what she cooked because she never cooked anything good, and that's not to say I can't have a meal without meat, she just ate really bland meals. The girl I'm seeing now throws down in the kitchen and it's one of the more attractive things about her. I don't subscribe to the idea that the way to a mans heart is through his tummy, but it certainly helps. The benefits of knowing how to cook well are plentiful. The fact that I enjoy doing it is just a bonus.
Also a personal tip: A lot of people's complaints about cooking is cleaning up, but I generally clean up WHILE I'm cooking, and if I'm baking I clean everything while it's in the oven, so it's very rare I have anything to clean once my food is done which is awesome because once the food is finished there's nothing left to do except enjoy the food and relax. If i have a pile of shit to clean after im done eating i don't enjoy the food as much because the whole time I'm eating I'm stressing about the cleanup afterwards. If everything besides the dish your food is in is already clean when you're done eating it enhances the experience because you get to enjoy your food and then relax, instead of dealing with a messy kitchen after your fabulous meal.
simco
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2014
- Messages
- 2,246
^^
Great advice, twang. I think cooking is a great thing to wade into during recovery.
Not to derail the thread, but can you find Meyer lemons in your area? If so, I highly recommend using them in your lime/lemon pie! I used to have a Meyer lemon tree in my yard, and that got me hooked on them. They are awesome for using in recipes...even for eating right off the tree during late summer when they're kind of overripe
Great advice, twang. I think cooking is a great thing to wade into during recovery.
Not to derail the thread, but can you find Meyer lemons in your area? If so, I highly recommend using them in your lime/lemon pie! I used to have a Meyer lemon tree in my yard, and that got me hooked on them. They are awesome for using in recipes...even for eating right off the tree during late summer when they're kind of overripe
d3athadone
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2015
- Messages
- 265
SO I went to the methadone clinic and got a script. Im going to take it for a few days to let the heroin out of my system and then detox. God I love canada. I was able to call a doctor and go see her that very same day. So I woke up with nothing and had a drink by 3pm. I can't stay on methadone tho. Its too hard to get off. I wish I could, but I know in my heart I just gotta keep trying.
Good luck man, but it still sounds like you're not looking for a long term commitment to ORT and it's gonna be harder to get methadone out of your system than heroin.
To simco, no I don't think I've ever had a Meyer lemon. Not that I Know of anyways. I live in the Midwest so all our lemons are shipped in.