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Positive Exercise 4 Health, Mental Health and Addiction vs. Pure & Free

Done for the week. Have used all my credits at the gym. Treadmill is available, going for a quick run.
 
Hi all, I am back here at bluelight after a long hiatus. (I did a brief "I'm back" post in New Introductions yesterday).

I am thrilled to see this thread and I appreciate the moderator, neversickanymore, for creating it. I need to incorporate exercise into my life and I want to quit smoking cigarettes. (I successfully quit before and I will again.)

I'm sole caretaker to my beloved, terminally ill stepfather...advanced pancreatic cancer diagnosed six months ago. Tragic...and so stressful. I'm gutted and it's destabilizing my self-care and psychiatric conditions but I am sober and in treatment for my psychiatric mental illnesses and chronic pain.

I want to incorporate exercise into my life. I'm very busy as a caretaker and I suffer from severe agoraphobic tendencies. I used to have an exercise addiction in the 1990's, but it ended when I went to law school. I simply had no time to exercise several hours a day due to my studies. I'm proud to say I graduated in the top ten percent of my law school class. However, I've been disabled since 2009 due to my mental illnesses.

I want to get back into exercise and need to do it in moderation. This thread is awesome and I will explore all the links. I'm so excited it might help my bipolar disorder, anxiety and trauma. If you'll indulge me, I'd like to share things about myself below. I hope exercise can help me.

Here goes, thanks for reading:

I am a recovered alcoholic and have been accurately diagnosed (by three separate, qualified psychiatrists) with severe Bipolar Affective Disorder 1 (classified "severe," rapid cycling, mixed episode predominant with occasional psychotic features), C-PTSD, OCD, Panic disorder, GAD, and Social Anxiety disorder.

i also have daily, chronic pain in my back and neck. I had two total disc replacements in my back (L4) and neck (C5) in 2004 and 2005. The surgeries were very difficult but successful. However, I have had degenerative disc disease since my early 20s (I'm 46) and I have several bulging discs. I also have IBS since 1992, due to anxiety.

I self-manage (never sought a diagnosis) anorexic tendencies for the past 17 years, which I use as a coping mechanism. I am fairly stable and have no physical damage...I know it's unhealthy, but I can self-manage and I don't believe in true recovery. I know my limits, although I admittedly walk a thin line.

I have had a lot of trauma and loss in my life. I was severely abused by my mother as a child and was married to a diagnosed narcissist for 18 years and was severely emotionally abused (I fortunately escaped and divorced five years ago). My biological parents died early deaths (dad, 55 on Thanksgiving Day, suicide...mom at 64 due to diabetes complications).

My brother, with whom I was very close to, is a severe alcoholic and poly-drug user with untreated Bipolar Affective Disorder 1. He has had multiple OD's and lives the live of a severe heroin addict (among his other addictions, but heroin addiction has led to homelessness, jail, dealing, felonies, etc.)

I do not know if he is sober, using, homeless, in jail, or still a middle man dealer of opiates and an "enforcer."). He may be dead, I hope not. I doubt he's sober, he's struggled with addiction since he was 16 (he's 49) and I think trauma and genetic predisposition to addiction has played a huge in his life. I love him and miss him. I will emotionally support him but no longer financially enable him and he stays away from me when he isn't sober. So, I am near certain he is still using. I know I cannot save him, he has to make changes if he is ready.

I am in a healthy loving relationship and I am a good mother to my teenage daughter. I struggle with putting myself first in self-care. I'm not a martyr and I accept all the above. I'm not in denial. I'm thrilled I revcovered from alcoholism. I NEED to exercise!

Thanks again and I look forward to giving and receiving support in this thread! I like to help others, I'm nonjudgmental and have a lot of empathy.

I lost my Fitbit but my boyfriend/SO bought me a new one today, it's in the charger! =]

rainy
 
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You are a survivor. It's impressive how you have gone so far, despite of all of your extremely challenging life. As you were writing I didn't expect to see such truly amazing turn. After all you've managed to live and not only that. You became a loving mother and are looking forward to a better life, with exercises but much more. Congratulations for having gone through this and against all of your life's problems reach to a level of self awareness quite rare to see. I am impressed by your struggles and even more to see you looking forward to a better life. It must have been incredibly difficult to accept all that and remain solid and positive. I am sure you'll find a lot of support in here. You deserve a good life and I can see that you are ready to keep moving.

As one parent to another I can say you have done a fantastic work in staying away from alcohol and managing to be such a loving person, mother and still care about your brother. I see you greater than all difficulties together and I can only imagine how much strength you have built to be here. You deserve all the support you can get and more.

I am happy and amazed to see such a victory in life. I welcome you to our community, and thank you for sharing. I hope I can help somehow. NSA has indeed created such a special place and has helped me immensely. I very grateful for having received his advice. There are a lot of helpful links that you help you, at this moment I am just inviting you to stay and hopefully this place will be beneficial to you as it was to me. <3
 
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@Erikmen,

Thank you for such a thoughtful post, it means a lot to me. I have been through a lot but I am happy most days. I really am.

Thanks again - I'm introverted and you made me feel part of this great community!

xo, rainy.
 
You are welcome rainy! Tomorrow morning I'm going to swim before work, I don't really like to wake up early but the benefits are amazing. I usually have a good and tiring day but it makes me sleep better at night, which is sort of rare for me.

I hope you are doing well! :)
 
Been using my fins and kicknboard in the river at my sister's house. So much more fun than a pool; watching the trees and clouds go by rather than the boredom I always end up battling at the pool. I swim downriver for about 20 minutes and then back upriver (it's not a super strong current at all) so in all it is probably a 45-55 minute swim. True I would swim longer at the pool but I'm going to miss this! (I go home tomorrow).
 
I was swimming Monday, trying to get back to my routine when one of the gym's instructors told I would be better off lifting weights. I was a little disappointed but according to him, I would get more muscle mass and that would be much more beneficial at my age. Am I that old? lol he says that after reaching 45 we tend to loose mass and with time gain fat instead. I wanted to tell him I wasn't there because of that. But of course we can't say things like this.. but it got me thinking if I should maybe give it a try. I don't want to feel bored. Endorphins are good from swimming.
 
Going to ride a bike with my son tomorrow around the lake. Not only us, but a lot of people. It should be fun.
 
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You need to focus on a diet (low carb) and exercises- muscles, aerobics. No sodas or drinking. Same applies for milk. Your gym's instructor, or even better- a nutritionist can help you with that. You stick to a plan and in few months you'll be feeling better. No beer though. ;)
 
I was riding a bike for a couple of hours yesterday and it was pretty good. I haven't ridden a bike like that in years, it was pretty fun.
 
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^ If you do cardio, aerobics plus a diet, yes, why not? Don't drink beer or sodas, etc. It takes time. Is it only local or do you need to lose weight?
 
What if i dont eat a meal after weights what if i just drink protein shake will i put on muscle lmfao
 
^ Probably. It depends a lot on how you are, we can all do the same thing but everyone is different.

Went for a long walk tonight. Tried to clear my thoughts but it didn't really work. Oh well..
 
Went for swimming this afternoon after work. Feeling great!
 
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