LandsUnknown
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2014
- Messages
- 1,077
Briefly Lost My Mind For No Reason Whatsoever
Okay, first off, I'll say that I have no clinical history of mental illnesses. Aside from some ADHD, I don't suffer from any significant mental illnesses that I am aware of. I am generally a fairly rational person, and I do not tend to behave recklessly or irrationally. Given the nature of this "experience", I am truly perplexed as to its cause..... and it's always been something that I've wondered about. It's just very out of place for me. Here's how it went down.
One night approximately three years ago, I was doing some work related stuff and working on some plans for my future. I was a little overwhelmed and when I was done for the night, I stopped at the liquor store and bought a six pack. This is nothing unusual for me, as I drink just about every night and did then too. Have been ever since I turned 21. There was something a little off about me even before I drank the beer, but I didn't take notice. I felt oddly like part of me was a bit "spaced out" in a weird sort of way, but I was unaware of it before.
When I returned home, I opened a beer. It was really quite good, and I had another one. The beer was Troeg's coffee stout, and it really is very good beer. At least, I have to say I really loved the stuff. After I finished my second one, I took a walk to the library with the intention of doing some coursework. Wasn't a big deal for me, nothing that couldn't be done after having a couple of beers normally. However, I oddly wasn't focused enough to complete the assignment and there were some odd delusional thoughts in my head at the time that I weren't aware were odd or delusional at the time..... however, really these were some ideas that were utterly fucking nuts.
At this point, I headed home and kept drinking. Nothing too unusual about my behavior now. Just typical stuff for what I'd do after getting done with work. I talked to my Mom on the phone as I was having my 4th beer I remember (pretty sure I poured another as I was talking to her). I seemed totally fine at first, not even really very drunk or anything. Maybe a little but not unusually so.
Then, this is where my mind began to take an incredibly bizarre and alarming turn. My Mom said something to me about my plans, kind of questioning an idea I had. It wasn't even in a hostile way, just kind of disagreeing with me. I began saying something extremely bizarre and psychotic sounding about how "there were people who were going to rip my eyeballs out". Somehow, at the time I half felt it was a metaphor or something but was unable to explain this. My Mom was saying it was crazy, and somehow it went from metaphor to truly what was occurring. I believed it without questioning, and I began to think that I had to prepare myself for these imaginary boogeymen.
For some reason, I wound up going outside and punching trees in the neighborhood of my apartment in order to "get myself ready" for what I thought was going to happen (e.g. the people who were planning to rip my eyes out and saw off my limbs, while people gathered around cheering them on). At this point, I genuinely was insane and completely out of touch with reality..... but had no idea there was anything remotely wrong with me. I was just worried about what I believed was going to happen in the near future.
To really show just how far gone my mind was at the time, I actually was in college at the time as a senior and somewhat extensively took abnormal psychology courses as part of my major. However, I had no idea that there could possibly be anything abnormal about my behavior..... and the idea of people saying this just irritated me.
I was just out wandering around in this delusional state, still in my work clothes (just a shirt and tie not a uniform). However, I appeared quite disheveled as a result of punching trees and generally behaving like a maniac. Throughout this experience, I had a tremendous amount of energy almost as though I had taken a powerful stimulant of some kind. Like I walked and walked around town for probably 2-3 miles in this demented state without any fatigue whatsoever. Strangely, despite drinking quite a lot, I didn't feel drunk really at all....... also very much like the effects of a stimulant like whatever "this" was caused this powerful surge of energy that just overpowered any of the normal drunkenness. The odd thing was that I did not take any stimulants, just somehow something had caused me to experience this intense energy for no apparent reason.
All night long, I was completely paranoid like never before, essentially believing this whole thing about the people who were about to yank out my eyes and torture me, without really even questioning it. I even was talking to my family on the phone trying to inform them but was often frustrated and irritated that they were simply dismissing what I perceived as my crisis as "crazy".
As I wandered around, I was somewhat hyper-vigilant of my surroundings out of fear of encountering one of "them". It just was reality to me that night, and I was irritated when my parents would call me saying that the things I was saying were "crazy". At points, I would be somewhat lucid and be able to acknowledge my delusion but mostly I didn't and was just annoyed with them for not believing the "reality" of it.
Still, when I was home much later after having walked around for long distances, come home, and gone out a few times..... I was not tired. In fact, I felt completely fucking wired just like before. Then, I went to the fridge and had a bizarre experience where I had these fucking voices in my head. Like I didn't actually hear them, just like my thoughts split into these other people. It was very weird and hasn't happened before or since. The most fucked up thing was that "they" were saying some extremely fucked up things that I don't exactly recall though but I believe it pertained to me dying and/or suicide. Somehow, I feel that my interactions with "them" sort of helped to resolve the experience a bit.... as I began to accept my condition and delusional crisis rather than fighting it.
Later on, I passed out on the couch and went through an odd sort of sleep that was unlike normal sleep. No dreams and just an odd feeling. I woke up a while later, around dawn. At this time, I felt very calm, unusually so actually. No more wired feeling, quite the opposite. Felt sort of like I was coming down from mushrooms for some reason, not sure why as at the time I hadn't taken mushrooms or any psychedelic in many months or perhaps even a year or so. I also began to realize just how fucked up my thinking was and that it was true that I had gone completely and utterly insane, and it wasn't just people refusing to believe me.
As I woke up the next day, I called my family as I didn't want them thinking I was still wandering around in this deranged state..... and everyone was glad to see that I was completely lucid and my normal self. Oddly though, I had a sort of afterglow almost as though I had taken psychedelics in the past few days. I also was very relived that the horrors I had imagined were not real, and the juxtaposition of my bizarre, delusional "reality" and the reality that is actually real sort of gave me a new perspective on life and the nature of worldly problems. It was almost like I mentally took this voyage into this hellish world, while my physical body was in this one just wandering around and behaving like an absolute maniac.
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Following this experience though, I have often speculated as to its cause. One theory I had was that somehow I was drugged. Not exactly sure how this would have occurred, but perhaps I was. If I were to be drugged, I am unsure of what the substance would have been. This was definitely a "trip" of sorts. However, it was completely unlike any of the psychedelics I have done. It almost felt as though I was on a stimulant of some kind, but what puzzles me is how I would have been drugged as I was at home drinking.
The thing that makes me think that perhaps I was drugged somehow is that the feeling of energy was extremely intense. It really didn't feel like something the human body could experience naturally, without a drug that has a powerful stimulating effect. A very strange theory I have had (that may be paranoid in itself) is that perhaps someone drugged me with some strange and fucked up research chemical simply to fuck with me, but I have no clue who would do this or why so it doesn't really add up.
The other possibility I have considered is that perhaps this was due to some sort of mental or neurological problem that for some reason resolved on its own. However, if that were to be the case, you wouldn't think this would just be a one off thing. Plus, I don't have any problem like this normally. The only "mental problem" I have is ADHD. No Bipolar, schizophrenia, psychosis, or anything like that. So, this kind of delusion and extreme paranoia is just completely different from my normal character. Perhaps though, I had a brief episode of "something" neurological, which resolved itself normally.
Furthermore, I wondered if perhaps the alcohol was the cause. While this makes sense on the surface, it really doesn't. Keep in mind that prior to this and before this, I have drank essentially every night. While the amount that I drank was a bit on the upper end of what I'd usually drink in a night, it wasn't out of the ballpark. In fact, it wasn't and still isn't really uncommon for me to drink the amount that I did at all. During the dozens and dozens of times that I have consumed a similar amount of alcohol in the same environment (which was simply me drinking by myself after getting done with my work), I never have had an episode like this before or since. Also, on many occasions, I drank significantly more than this without any problems. I've never behaved like this even during any of my fair share of experiences with actual hallucinogens!
During this night, I was utterly wired almost like being on some sort of strong stimulants. This also is not an experience I have ever had before or since in my numerous (nearly daily) experiences of being drunk or buzzed. Something else was clearly in the mix here, whether it was a substance or neurological in origin. It also is possible that perhaps there was something about my brain chemistry that night that caused by body to respond to the alcohol in a different manner than usual, but this doesn't totally add up though because since I drink every day and get as drunk or drunker often, why hasn't it happened again? Keep in mind, this experience was THREE YEARS ago and no further episodes. I know I drink way too much and that's an issue at times, but never has alcohol caused this type of behavior or thinking for me nor has it for anyone I know and most people I know drink just as much as me.
I'm really curious to hear everyone's thoughts on what could have happened here. I'm also curious if anyone else has had any strange and unexplainable episodes that had any similarity to this one. It's just something that I've always wondered about and pondered, but it remains completely mysterious to me. Not only do I not suffer from any significant mental health disorders (aside from my ADHD), but I don't even consider myself to be a "crazy" acting person nor do people around me.
Luckily, I didn't share what was on my mind with anyone I interacted with while out that night. They would have likely simply assumed I had suddenly gone insane, which was true..... except thankfully it wasn't permanent and only was for that one night.
Okay, first off, I'll say that I have no clinical history of mental illnesses. Aside from some ADHD, I don't suffer from any significant mental illnesses that I am aware of. I am generally a fairly rational person, and I do not tend to behave recklessly or irrationally. Given the nature of this "experience", I am truly perplexed as to its cause..... and it's always been something that I've wondered about. It's just very out of place for me. Here's how it went down.
One night approximately three years ago, I was doing some work related stuff and working on some plans for my future. I was a little overwhelmed and when I was done for the night, I stopped at the liquor store and bought a six pack. This is nothing unusual for me, as I drink just about every night and did then too. Have been ever since I turned 21. There was something a little off about me even before I drank the beer, but I didn't take notice. I felt oddly like part of me was a bit "spaced out" in a weird sort of way, but I was unaware of it before.
When I returned home, I opened a beer. It was really quite good, and I had another one. The beer was Troeg's coffee stout, and it really is very good beer. At least, I have to say I really loved the stuff. After I finished my second one, I took a walk to the library with the intention of doing some coursework. Wasn't a big deal for me, nothing that couldn't be done after having a couple of beers normally. However, I oddly wasn't focused enough to complete the assignment and there were some odd delusional thoughts in my head at the time that I weren't aware were odd or delusional at the time..... however, really these were some ideas that were utterly fucking nuts.
At this point, I headed home and kept drinking. Nothing too unusual about my behavior now. Just typical stuff for what I'd do after getting done with work. I talked to my Mom on the phone as I was having my 4th beer I remember (pretty sure I poured another as I was talking to her). I seemed totally fine at first, not even really very drunk or anything. Maybe a little but not unusually so.
Then, this is where my mind began to take an incredibly bizarre and alarming turn. My Mom said something to me about my plans, kind of questioning an idea I had. It wasn't even in a hostile way, just kind of disagreeing with me. I began saying something extremely bizarre and psychotic sounding about how "there were people who were going to rip my eyeballs out". Somehow, at the time I half felt it was a metaphor or something but was unable to explain this. My Mom was saying it was crazy, and somehow it went from metaphor to truly what was occurring. I believed it without questioning, and I began to think that I had to prepare myself for these imaginary boogeymen.
For some reason, I wound up going outside and punching trees in the neighborhood of my apartment in order to "get myself ready" for what I thought was going to happen (e.g. the people who were planning to rip my eyes out and saw off my limbs, while people gathered around cheering them on). At this point, I genuinely was insane and completely out of touch with reality..... but had no idea there was anything remotely wrong with me. I was just worried about what I believed was going to happen in the near future.
To really show just how far gone my mind was at the time, I actually was in college at the time as a senior and somewhat extensively took abnormal psychology courses as part of my major. However, I had no idea that there could possibly be anything abnormal about my behavior..... and the idea of people saying this just irritated me.
I was just out wandering around in this delusional state, still in my work clothes (just a shirt and tie not a uniform). However, I appeared quite disheveled as a result of punching trees and generally behaving like a maniac. Throughout this experience, I had a tremendous amount of energy almost as though I had taken a powerful stimulant of some kind. Like I walked and walked around town for probably 2-3 miles in this demented state without any fatigue whatsoever. Strangely, despite drinking quite a lot, I didn't feel drunk really at all....... also very much like the effects of a stimulant like whatever "this" was caused this powerful surge of energy that just overpowered any of the normal drunkenness. The odd thing was that I did not take any stimulants, just somehow something had caused me to experience this intense energy for no apparent reason.
All night long, I was completely paranoid like never before, essentially believing this whole thing about the people who were about to yank out my eyes and torture me, without really even questioning it. I even was talking to my family on the phone trying to inform them but was often frustrated and irritated that they were simply dismissing what I perceived as my crisis as "crazy".
As I wandered around, I was somewhat hyper-vigilant of my surroundings out of fear of encountering one of "them". It just was reality to me that night, and I was irritated when my parents would call me saying that the things I was saying were "crazy". At points, I would be somewhat lucid and be able to acknowledge my delusion but mostly I didn't and was just annoyed with them for not believing the "reality" of it.
Still, when I was home much later after having walked around for long distances, come home, and gone out a few times..... I was not tired. In fact, I felt completely fucking wired just like before. Then, I went to the fridge and had a bizarre experience where I had these fucking voices in my head. Like I didn't actually hear them, just like my thoughts split into these other people. It was very weird and hasn't happened before or since. The most fucked up thing was that "they" were saying some extremely fucked up things that I don't exactly recall though but I believe it pertained to me dying and/or suicide. Somehow, I feel that my interactions with "them" sort of helped to resolve the experience a bit.... as I began to accept my condition and delusional crisis rather than fighting it.
Later on, I passed out on the couch and went through an odd sort of sleep that was unlike normal sleep. No dreams and just an odd feeling. I woke up a while later, around dawn. At this time, I felt very calm, unusually so actually. No more wired feeling, quite the opposite. Felt sort of like I was coming down from mushrooms for some reason, not sure why as at the time I hadn't taken mushrooms or any psychedelic in many months or perhaps even a year or so. I also began to realize just how fucked up my thinking was and that it was true that I had gone completely and utterly insane, and it wasn't just people refusing to believe me.
As I woke up the next day, I called my family as I didn't want them thinking I was still wandering around in this deranged state..... and everyone was glad to see that I was completely lucid and my normal self. Oddly though, I had a sort of afterglow almost as though I had taken psychedelics in the past few days. I also was very relived that the horrors I had imagined were not real, and the juxtaposition of my bizarre, delusional "reality" and the reality that is actually real sort of gave me a new perspective on life and the nature of worldly problems. It was almost like I mentally took this voyage into this hellish world, while my physical body was in this one just wandering around and behaving like an absolute maniac.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Following this experience though, I have often speculated as to its cause. One theory I had was that somehow I was drugged. Not exactly sure how this would have occurred, but perhaps I was. If I were to be drugged, I am unsure of what the substance would have been. This was definitely a "trip" of sorts. However, it was completely unlike any of the psychedelics I have done. It almost felt as though I was on a stimulant of some kind, but what puzzles me is how I would have been drugged as I was at home drinking.
The thing that makes me think that perhaps I was drugged somehow is that the feeling of energy was extremely intense. It really didn't feel like something the human body could experience naturally, without a drug that has a powerful stimulating effect. A very strange theory I have had (that may be paranoid in itself) is that perhaps someone drugged me with some strange and fucked up research chemical simply to fuck with me, but I have no clue who would do this or why so it doesn't really add up.
The other possibility I have considered is that perhaps this was due to some sort of mental or neurological problem that for some reason resolved on its own. However, if that were to be the case, you wouldn't think this would just be a one off thing. Plus, I don't have any problem like this normally. The only "mental problem" I have is ADHD. No Bipolar, schizophrenia, psychosis, or anything like that. So, this kind of delusion and extreme paranoia is just completely different from my normal character. Perhaps though, I had a brief episode of "something" neurological, which resolved itself normally.
Furthermore, I wondered if perhaps the alcohol was the cause. While this makes sense on the surface, it really doesn't. Keep in mind that prior to this and before this, I have drank essentially every night. While the amount that I drank was a bit on the upper end of what I'd usually drink in a night, it wasn't out of the ballpark. In fact, it wasn't and still isn't really uncommon for me to drink the amount that I did at all. During the dozens and dozens of times that I have consumed a similar amount of alcohol in the same environment (which was simply me drinking by myself after getting done with my work), I never have had an episode like this before or since. Also, on many occasions, I drank significantly more than this without any problems. I've never behaved like this even during any of my fair share of experiences with actual hallucinogens!
During this night, I was utterly wired almost like being on some sort of strong stimulants. This also is not an experience I have ever had before or since in my numerous (nearly daily) experiences of being drunk or buzzed. Something else was clearly in the mix here, whether it was a substance or neurological in origin. It also is possible that perhaps there was something about my brain chemistry that night that caused by body to respond to the alcohol in a different manner than usual, but this doesn't totally add up though because since I drink every day and get as drunk or drunker often, why hasn't it happened again? Keep in mind, this experience was THREE YEARS ago and no further episodes. I know I drink way too much and that's an issue at times, but never has alcohol caused this type of behavior or thinking for me nor has it for anyone I know and most people I know drink just as much as me.
I'm really curious to hear everyone's thoughts on what could have happened here. I'm also curious if anyone else has had any strange and unexplainable episodes that had any similarity to this one. It's just something that I've always wondered about and pondered, but it remains completely mysterious to me. Not only do I not suffer from any significant mental health disorders (aside from my ADHD), but I don't even consider myself to be a "crazy" acting person nor do people around me.
Luckily, I didn't share what was on my mind with anyone I interacted with while out that night. They would have likely simply assumed I had suddenly gone insane, which was true..... except thankfully it wasn't permanent and only was for that one night.
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