Post Recovery Life

[Unregi]

Hi I have been in recovery for 2 & 1/2 years. My life has changed drastically. I don't have a lot of the friends I used to & the friendships I have are strained at times bc I don't participate in "recreational" activities.

Most days I am ok with this but sometimes I feel like a misfit bc I can't have a good time like everyone else. And when I get to thinking this way I can get into a funk.

Just wanted to put this part of recovery up here so beyond withdraw we could explore together what post recovery life is like. I am interested in anyone's post recovery life who would like to share. Trials, tribulations, silver linings, lessons?

 

[simco]

Could you clarify a bit what you mean by 'post-recovery?' I think you're talking about stuff after what we often call 'early recovery' (i.e. Once you've got some space between yourself and the crises that brought you to recovery, and once you've made a little headway on the big changes that recovery entails). But I don't want to put words in your mouth...

 

[aihfl]

Hi I have been in recovery for 2 & 1/2 years. My life has changed drastically. I don't have a lot of the friends I used to & the friendships I have are strained at times bc I don't participate in "recreational" activities.

Most days I am ok with this but sometimes I feel like a misfit bc I can't have a good time like everyone else. And when I get to thinking this way I can get into a funk.

Just wanted to put this part of recovery up here so beyond withdraw we could explore together what post recovery life is like. I am interested in anyone's post recovery life who would like to share. Trials, tribulations, silver linings, lessons?

Can't have a good time like everyone else? You didn't state what your DOCs were but speaking for myself as an alcoholic, benzo and prescription opiate addict, my idea of a good time was being in a blackout (I realize the experience of stim addicts is the exact opposite). Instead of spending time blacked out I've made progress toward my goal of getting my scuba divemaster rating (just finished water rescue go me), spend a lot more time out in my kayak and if I'm not particularly motivated to do anything I sit out by the pool with a novel. In hindsight that's a lot more fun than a drug induced blackout. And if I've had a shitty day and feel like I need to talk to someone I go to a NA meeting (my life does not revolve around 12 step though) and if I just want to feel physically better I go to yoga.

People, places and things as they say. I had a friend from treatment who called me after he had gotten 40 plus stitches because some thug had pistolwhipped him while he was hanging out at his heroin dealer's house. He swears he wasn't using (most likely a lie) but if he just completed treatment why the fuck is he even at his heroin dealer's house, even if they are friends (should be "were" friends). Anyway just my thoughts. Doing this on the phone so stopping for now.

 

[Unregi]

Could you clarify a bit what you mean by 'post-recovery?' I think you're talking about stuff after what we often call 'early recovery' (i.e. Once you've got some space between yourself and the crises that brought you to recovery, and once you've made a little headway on the big changes that recovery entails). But I don't want to put words in your mouth...

I guess post recovery is not a good technical term bc recovery is life long. I guess I just mean everything after.

I don't want to get into my DOC bc I still feel lots of shame about those years. There was a time in my life I would do almost anything put in front of me to escape the pain.

 

[Unregi]

Can't have a good time like everyone else? You didn't state what your DOCs were but speaking for myself as an alcoholic, benzo and prescription opiate addict, my idea of a good time was being in a blackout (I realize the experience of stim addicts is the exact opposite). Instead of spending time blacked out I've made progress toward my goal of getting my scuba divemaster rating (just finished water rescue go me), spend a lot more time out in my kayak and if I'm not particularly motivated to do anything I sit out by the pool with a novel. In hindsight that's a lot more fun than a drug induced blackout. And if I've had a shitty day and feel like I need to talk to someone I go to a NA meeting (my life does not revolve around 12 step though) and if I just want to feel physically better I go to yoga.

People, places and things as they say. I had a friend from treatment who called me after he had gotten 40 plus stitches because some thug had pistolwhipped him while he was hanging out at his heroin dealer's house. He swears he wasn't using (most likely a lie) but if he just completed treatment why the fuck is he even at his heroin dealer's house, even if they are friends (should be "were" friends). Anyway just my thoughts. Doing this on the phone so stopping for now.

Thank you for sharing your journey, sounds like you have fun in nature & warm weather. Hearing what you are doing is helpful for me, just to hear from someone.

I don't want to get into my DOC bc it is not something that I am proud of. Everyone on here is very open but I am new here so haven't reached that level of comfort.

 

[Grinders Kiefers]

I struggled to rebuild my social life for years during and after the fallout from addiction. It can be very uncomfortable to meet new people but it does get easier with time.

Do you attend 12-step meetings or other recovery/support groups? Most meetings have a fellowship, typically a gathering at a restaurant or cafe before or after the meeting. If it's not specifically mentioned during the meeting, you can always ask someone. It can be awkward at first, but it's a decent way to meet new people without much pressure. AA and NA also host a lot of local and regional events throughout the year where everyone is welcome. Check your local AA or NA website for information on events. I am not familiar with other recovery groups, but I imagine they organize events and get-togethers as well.

If you don't want to participate in recovery/support group events, think about what you like to do. There are clubs and groups around for almost every interest or activity you could think of. Meetup.com is a great resource to find like-minded folks.

I am not quite sure what you mean by "recreational" activities - maybe you are alluding to old friends who still use drugs that you have grown away from? That's a pretty normal experience, I'd say. I reconnect with old friends every so often and it's insane how little we have in common. As tough as it is to branch out and meet new people, those moments when I run into people from my past really show me how much I've grown and changed for the better.

 

[Unregi]

I
I am not quite sure what you mean by "recreational" activities - maybe you are alluding to old friends who still use drugs that you have grown away from? That's a pretty normal experience, I'd say. I reconnect with old friends every so often and it's insane how little we have in common. As tough as it is to branch out and meet new people, those moments when I run into people from my past really show me how much I've grown and changed for the better.

That was what I meant by "recreational activities", you got it. I go to 12 step & also weekly counceling. It is like grieving my old life. it wasn't healthy or good for me but consistently wrapping my mind around that is hard at times.

 

[Reanimator13]

Hobbies, Hobbies and more hobbies. If you take up a hobby and socialize with others that enjoy that hobby you will make friends. Its educational and keeps your mind focused. Some of mine... Skydiving, climbing, dirt bikes, book clubs, Online gaming ( MMO's), photography, remote control drones/aircraft.

If your doing something you enjoy thats what lifes about....

R13

 

[simco]

One of the hardest things for me has been knowing that I should delve into hobbies and socializing but feeling emotionally/psychologically unequipped to do that. My addiction was largely a misguided attempt to deal with long-standing depression problems...between PAWS and the depression that was already in place (now freed up without the drugs), I've had a really hard time getting back to things I loved, once upon a time. I had to quit my longstanding career, moved away from the state where I'd lived for many years, and generally walled myself off from most other people. I'm kind of living life in the fetal position, hoping nothing rattles me too much.

Some day I hope to be stronger and more able to enjoy life. For now, though, I've got what I've got. A wife and dog whom I love to death and about 9 months of recovery that's a bit shakier than I had hoped.

 

[Unregi]

Hobbies, Hobbies and more hobbies. If you take up a hobby and socialize with others that enjoy that hobby you will make friends. Its educational and keeps your mind focused. Some of mine... Skydiving, climbing, dirt bikes, book clubs, Online gaming ( MMO's), photography, remote control drones/aircraft.

If your doing something you enjoy thats what lifes about....

R13

One of the hardest things for me has been knowing that I should delve into hobbies and socializing but feeling emotionally/psychologically unequipped to do that. My addiction was largely a misguided attempt to deal with long-standing depression problems...between PAWS and the depression that was already in place (now freed up without the drugs), I've had a really hard time getting back to things I loved, once upon a time. I had to quit my longstanding career, moved away from the state where I'd lived for many years, and generally walled myself off from most other people. I'm kind of living life in the fetal position, hoping nothing rattles me too much.

Some day I hope to be stronger and more able to enjoy life. For now, though, I've got what I've got. A wife and dog whom I love to death and about 9 months of recovery that's a bit shakier than I had hoped.

I suffer from sever depression as well. On that 1-10 scale test they give you, I add-up to very high. So sometimes it is hard for me to have the evergy to get into hobbies or to meet new people. This year was the first year in 3 summers that I got out to weed my flower beds. It has helped me a lot.

Have to take it one day at a time & focus on self care. I didnt know how to do either of those things before my bottom fell out & it is still a struggle almost daily at times bc bad habits are so engrained in me.

My dog helped me a lot too! I don't know what I would ever do without him.

 

[aihfl]

I suffer from sever depression as well. On that 1-10 scale test they give you, I add-up to very high. So sometimes it is hard for me to have the evergy to get into hobbies or to meet new people. This year was the first year in 3 summers that I got out to weed my flower beds. It has helped me a lot.

Have to take it one day at a time & focus on self care. I didnt know how to do either of those things before my bottom fell out & it is still a struggle almost daily at times bc bad habits are so engrained in me.

My dog helped me a lot too! I don't know what I would ever do without him.

Dogs are the best recovery pals. I've always had dachshunds and a friend located a rescue in need of a home a few months after I got clean. When you have another creature dependent on you for food, exercise and bathroom needs, that's a big incentive to stay sober.

Self care was something that was really stressed in treatment. Even things that a lot of people just take for granted like making your bed or taking a shower, we tend to let go. It takes a bit of time before they become habits again.

 

[bukweat]

Man if you didn't think what your putting yourself through more than likely you wouldn't have had problems with substances in the first place. I've noticed that insane way of thinking in myself. All I can add is that you recognize the problem and that in itself is a major victory. Now is the time you need a backup way of thinking. Most definetely don't beat yourself up for recognizing the way you feel. Think of positive ways you can deal with those thoughts.(you know you aren't missing anything by not using

 

[Jabberwocky]

I don't see any insanity in that, more so a coping skill set that has turned out rather maladaptive.

Dogs are the best recovery pals. I've always had dachshunds and a friend located a rescue in need of a home a few months after I got clean. When you have another creature dependent on you for food, exercise and bathroom needs, that's a big incentive to stay sober.

Self care was something that was really stressed in treatment. Even things that a lot of people just take for granted like making your bed or taking a shower, we tend to let go. It takes a bit of time before they become habits again.

Self care goes faaaaaaar beyond chores (even if one really enjoys chores). A lot of places require you to basically work cleaning the treatment center for free, as part of the "therapeutic environment." Maintaining ones hygiene and general responsibilities is important, and some people need help with that. But self care is something else entirely. These are behavioral things that are separate from or ancelary to actual mental health/SUD treatment.

Dog, and animals generally, are super fucking grand though

I suffer from sever depression as well. On that 1-10 scale test they give you, I add-up to very high. So sometimes it is hard for me to have the evergy to get into hobbies or to meet new people. This year was the first year in 3 summers that I got out to weed my flower beds. It has helped me a lot.

Have to take it one day at a time & focus on self care. I didnt know how to do either of those things before my bottom fell out & it is still a struggle almost daily at times bc bad habits are so engrained in me.

My dog helped me a lot too! I don't know what I would ever do without him.

What do you mean when you say self care? As someone who also deals with mental health issues, this has probably been on of the cornerstones of recovery.

Yes that includes chores and such, but as far as that kind of self care goes it about essentially learning to experience and find the joy in simple activities, such as the nice feeling I get when I am in a tidy environment and all out pleasures involved in preparing (and cleaning up) a simple (yet delicious) meal.

Self care for me is more about making sure I devote regularly amounts of time to stuff that nourishes more my soul (for lack of a better word - as in the soul in "soul food"). So, in a word, leisure. But also how I am productive with my time, making sure I find at least some way to enjoy that too.

But specifically devoting a significant time(s) each week to enjoying life in healthy ways (so a lot of options actually), as well as shorter periods of time each day devoted to doing something also enjoyable and not particularly unhealthy. That is the ideal at least.

Looking forward to getting better at this tbh. Sometimes, if I can just tidy the place up a bit on certain days I am happy though. Chores can be a good start.

Haha I've totally lost myself with this, apologies 8)

 

[aihfl]

Self care goes faaaaaaar beyond chores (even if one really enjoys chores). A lot of places require you to basically work cleaning the treatment center for free, as part of the "therapeutic environment." Maintaining ones hygiene and general responsibilities is important, and some people need help with that. But self care is something else entirely. These are behavioral things that are separate from or ancelary to actual mental health/SUD treatment.

Huh??? What do you call it then? What seems so trivial to most people most certainly was not in my case and I don't think my case was all unique. When I'd be out on a bender, I'd literally go weeks without showering, brushing my teeth or maintaining my living space. To say it resembled an 80s "crack house" after one of those benders is being kind to crack houses. So if a treatment center insists that you learn how to pick up after yourself (neither of the two places I did inpatient insisted on, say, scrubbing grout with a toothbrush) and not smell like a nutsack, what's wrong with that? Yeah, yeah, we all know that there are a lot of bad rehabs out there but painting them all with the same broad brush and equating a gentle nudge to make your bed in the morning as the same as uncompensated slave labor is getting a little tiresome.

And yeah, you can say I do enjoy chores because I enjoy the end result of my condo not being a pigsty.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I think by the end my sort of rambling post I'd concluded that yes it is self care, but self care is not limited to it.

Saying chores are self care reminded me too much about treatment centers I've experienced that had the patients work for free to clean the center under that kind of premise. Sounds like you're talking about something else entirely!

 

[Unregi]

Man if you didn't think what your putting yourself through more than likely you wouldn't have had problems with substances in the first place. I've noticed that insane way of thinking in myself. All I can add is that you recognize the problem and that in itself is a major victory. Now is the time you need a backup way of thinking. Most definetely don't beat yourself up for recognizing the way you feel. Think of positive ways you can deal with those thoughts.(you know you aren't missing anything by not using

What do you mean when you say self care? As someone who also deals with mental health issues, this has probably been on of the cornerstones of recovery.

Haha I've totally lost myself with this, apologies 8)

So by selfcare I guess for me the focus is on having my own back. I have done some family of origin work & come from an addict home at a young age w/ physical & emotional abuse & neglect, I developed some bad habits, bad self talk, extreme people pleasing & sometimes didn't even know who I was bc I was just trying to belong & seek love. I never had a voice & didn't know how to say no.

I have learned how to say no to substances & the people who I used with. I am seeing that many of the co-addicts in my life are just as troubled & unhealthy. I love them all & know we are all on our own journey so accept but, if I am mentally not in a good space, I can't be around them. I feel like a jerk but I have come too far to risk being pushed over the edge & back into self medicating.

I am 2.5 yrs in but someday it feels like I am hanging on my a thread! Glad I have found you guys.

And yes it is the hygiene things & maintaining home. I got a utility turned off a few months ago not bc I didn't have the money but bc I didn't have the energy to pay the bill. It isn't like I plotted to not pay it. It is just a stuggle to make it trough the day sometimes that when I get home, my dog forces me to keep going (yeah, good) but then I have no more capacity to do anything else.

Tiny, easy tasks feel like moving a mountain sometimes!

 

[Unregi]

Man if you didn't think what your putting yourself through more than likely you wouldn't have had problems with substances in the first place. I've noticed that insane way of thinking in myself. All I can add is that you recognize the problem and that in itself is a major victory. Now is the time you need a backup way of thinking. Most definetely don't beat yourself up for recognizing the way you feel. Think of positive ways you can deal with those thoughts.(you know you aren't missing anything by not using

Buk I love this yes, need to back it up & get out of my head. Thank you I needed to hear this today!