Nakifantaki
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2016
- Messages
- 85
I guess it's time for me to reach out for some advice. Mods please feel free to move this post to the appropriate forum thread, I wasn't too sure where to post this.
I have been a big time lurker here on BL for MANY years. I was a pretty stupid teenager and young adult and spent a lot of time on here in my younger years. Last year I made an account on here and that right around the time I started really getting addicted to opiates. I will give ya'll a quick run down of how this all started - about 18 months ago I started having slight neck and arm pain/numbness that slowly got worse overtime. Was diagnosed with 2 herniated discs in my cervical spine and those dics were pressing against my spinal cord. Tried a few different things (physical therapy, exercise, ect..) with no relief. Now because of my stupid teen years, I knew what this injury could get me. Pain meds. Did I absolutely need them? No. Did they help with the pain? Kinda. More so then that they made me not care about the pain. I went to a pain doctor and it was like hitting the jackpot on a slot machine. Every month I was getting more and more. I THOUGHT I could be responsible with them and not abuse and misuse them but of course that wasn't the case. Anyways - fast forward to today. 3 weeks ago I had a 2 level discectomy and fusion. Basically they took the 2 bad discs out and replaced them with fake bone and then used a titanium plate with 6 screws to hold it together. Other then some very slight discomfort I am feeling better. No more of that old pain and the feeling is slowly coming back in my arms.
Enough of all that shit. I take anywhere from 6-8 Percocets a day. My prescribed dose is 4. 60-80mg of oxy a day, plus all of the bulshit Tylenol of course. Throughout the last 18 months I took pills when I didn't absolutely need them. They made me feel good... work was more enjoyable and life was better. I could of got by on a lot less but I was stupid and screwed up. Anyways, I want to be done and off these pills. I'm 33 years old and I feel trapped. I HATE that I have to take something multiple times a day to make me feel normal. I hate waking up and feeling like shit. I hate being a slave to that damn bottle of medication. I want my old self back. I have a decent life... a great partner in life, a good job that I work hard and a good group of close family and friends. My wife knows about my habit, but she doesn't know I take more then my prescribed dose. I have talked to her in great lengths about how I feel about taking these pills and how I desire to get off of them but I don't think she fully understands. She too gets the same script I do but only takes them when she really needs too. I just want to be done.. I want off this ride before it gets any worse and goes through the loops. I just don't know where to start. I have withdrawn a few times and each time was last then the worse. I realize that there is people that have massive oxy habits and that the withdrawals from a dose like that would be so much worse then what I have to go through... however even at the amount I take now.. it fucking sucks and I hate feeling that way. I don't like to be sick like that. After my surgery I was given 10 days worth of dilaudid that I filled but didn't touch because I was scared to make my tolerance go up anymore.
I need some advise. I need someone to push me down the correct path. I have some comfort meds.. Xanax, gabapentin, lope, a few different muscle relaxers, and tramadol. I also have a hot tub in my backyard. After reading some things I seem to be only missing the clonadine. The worst symptoms of withdraw for me is the RLS and the inability to manage my temperature. The other stuff I'm able to handle better. It's the crawling out my skin that drives me crazy.
Does anyone have a method that I should use? What comfort meds to take when? I'm going out of town this weekend but after that I will still have 12 days off of work and at that point I'm coming off these pills once and for good. I'm absolutely done living like this. I want to be me again.
Sorry for the long post.. just had to get that out.. Much love to all of the fellow BLers and THANK YOU in advance.
I have been a big time lurker here on BL for MANY years. I was a pretty stupid teenager and young adult and spent a lot of time on here in my younger years. Last year I made an account on here and that right around the time I started really getting addicted to opiates. I will give ya'll a quick run down of how this all started - about 18 months ago I started having slight neck and arm pain/numbness that slowly got worse overtime. Was diagnosed with 2 herniated discs in my cervical spine and those dics were pressing against my spinal cord. Tried a few different things (physical therapy, exercise, ect..) with no relief. Now because of my stupid teen years, I knew what this injury could get me. Pain meds. Did I absolutely need them? No. Did they help with the pain? Kinda. More so then that they made me not care about the pain. I went to a pain doctor and it was like hitting the jackpot on a slot machine. Every month I was getting more and more. I THOUGHT I could be responsible with them and not abuse and misuse them but of course that wasn't the case. Anyways - fast forward to today. 3 weeks ago I had a 2 level discectomy and fusion. Basically they took the 2 bad discs out and replaced them with fake bone and then used a titanium plate with 6 screws to hold it together. Other then some very slight discomfort I am feeling better. No more of that old pain and the feeling is slowly coming back in my arms.
Enough of all that shit. I take anywhere from 6-8 Percocets a day. My prescribed dose is 4. 60-80mg of oxy a day, plus all of the bulshit Tylenol of course. Throughout the last 18 months I took pills when I didn't absolutely need them. They made me feel good... work was more enjoyable and life was better. I could of got by on a lot less but I was stupid and screwed up. Anyways, I want to be done and off these pills. I'm 33 years old and I feel trapped. I HATE that I have to take something multiple times a day to make me feel normal. I hate waking up and feeling like shit. I hate being a slave to that damn bottle of medication. I want my old self back. I have a decent life... a great partner in life, a good job that I work hard and a good group of close family and friends. My wife knows about my habit, but she doesn't know I take more then my prescribed dose. I have talked to her in great lengths about how I feel about taking these pills and how I desire to get off of them but I don't think she fully understands. She too gets the same script I do but only takes them when she really needs too. I just want to be done.. I want off this ride before it gets any worse and goes through the loops. I just don't know where to start. I have withdrawn a few times and each time was last then the worse. I realize that there is people that have massive oxy habits and that the withdrawals from a dose like that would be so much worse then what I have to go through... however even at the amount I take now.. it fucking sucks and I hate feeling that way. I don't like to be sick like that. After my surgery I was given 10 days worth of dilaudid that I filled but didn't touch because I was scared to make my tolerance go up anymore.
I need some advise. I need someone to push me down the correct path. I have some comfort meds.. Xanax, gabapentin, lope, a few different muscle relaxers, and tramadol. I also have a hot tub in my backyard. After reading some things I seem to be only missing the clonadine. The worst symptoms of withdraw for me is the RLS and the inability to manage my temperature. The other stuff I'm able to handle better. It's the crawling out my skin that drives me crazy.
Does anyone have a method that I should use? What comfort meds to take when? I'm going out of town this weekend but after that I will still have 12 days off of work and at that point I'm coming off these pills once and for good. I'm absolutely done living like this. I want to be me again.
Sorry for the long post.. just had to get that out.. Much love to all of the fellow BLers and THANK YOU in advance.
