Hello everyone 
So what happened to me is that in the winter of 2016 i did a pretty dumb thing that is really upsetting me till right now.
But let's go first to the fall of 2016.
Since 3-4 years ago (i am 22 now) i have started doing psychedelics (mostly LSD) and other drugs, but acid is the reason why i'm fucked up right now.
The first time i did acid was around the beginning of July 2014. It was my first Psytrance party i ever attended. I was with my friends and we bought some extasy before we went to the event. On the event we met a young girl who had a backpack full of shrooms and Lsd blotters. Me and my friend bought one blotter and splitted it in half because it was double the price of the standard price. So, it was my first Psy party and also my first psychedelic drug intake. It was one of the best nights in my life, everything was amazing, the emotions, feelings, people around me and the music of course... but i didn't feel anything that would bring forth the thought "HEY, THE ACID IS WORKING".. but still, with the combination of Lucy and extasy, it was a pretty Wow night (i knew the pills before though, and one pill surely wasn't responsible for that sort of a party). And i went on with this, partying like that, for over a year. I had no fear whatsoever of psychedelics (i couldn't eat shrooms, the taste and smell make me wanna puke). So, in October of 2015 i went with my best friend to the other city to buy 2 blotters of a thrustworthy source (also a good friend of mine). The blotters had written on them 1p-lsd, and on the other side was a image of the molecule, black on white background, but i don't know if it was 1p-lsd or ordinary acid. When we had the blotters each of us took one half of it and i kept the other one. We payed than a visit to a girl that lived in the city before we went home. We stayed at her place maybe 2 hours and did a very little dose of speed. i didn't notice anything from the blotter and was saying to me that theye were weak or that i have a great capacity or tolerance (i was so dumb at the time). So, with the thought in mind that it was just a drug like every other, we did it for fun. then we drove 65km back to our city while listening to drk twilight psytrance on the way. The drive back home was amazing, we were totally into the music and driving, everything was smooth like the road and curves we were driving through. So he let me home and i went to my room. I couldn't resist the urge to take the other blotter too that i saved and put it under my tounge. I went right away to Dj-ing Twilight Psytrance with headphones to the maximum, and as longer i listened to the music the more i could understand it, that there is more to the music than i thought, and i was asking myself constantly how can someone even produce that, and how could i the same songs hear now in a totally different way than usual? So, accidentaly i played a track that wasn't a psytrance track. It was an intro to a twilight psy album "Peakadelic - Peak records 2013". The name of the track was "Lysergic". It had some strange sound slowwly passing by and than the voice of a woman spoke "CAN YOU FEEL IT? FEEL THE AIR? FEEL THE MOLECULES? I AM ONE WITH ALL. COMPLETE. OBSERVER AND OBSERVED. CREATURE AND CREATOR. ALL THERE IS, ALL THERE WAS, ALL THERE WILL EVER BE....".
So as i was listening to it i suddenly realized something (that what the woman was saying), i can't really remember today, but i was than shure it was the truth. And i realized what was it all about. So i started crying like a little child, i regretted every single bad thing i did with intention. And as i cried, all the guilty conscience slowly faded away, and when i stopped crying i felt as i was newly born again. The last few months before that experience i was totally depressed, i was like i had no emotions at all, i wasn'tsad, it just fellt all so not important to me anymore. I remember saying at the time that someone could kill someone else in front of my eyes and i wouldn't react to it at all. I was really in a bad depression state. But after that experience everything in my life changed for good, i found joy in the life, happiness and the appreciation for the beautiful small things. Life was blown int me in the most beautiful way possible. So i realized that to find a job isn't that difficult as i thought it was. At the time i was searching for a job almost 3 months (so good i can remember). After the experience i found a new job in 2 days in another country with a wage almost 3 times as big as at home. So i just had to celebrate my birthday party and in a feew weeks i was going to move into the alps, 500km away from home. But i was positive about everything. On my birthay i had the opening set of the party and while i was playing, out of fun, i took another blotter in the middle of my set. Everything was like amazing because i was tripping on the thought that this birthday was an initiation into something, that i am gonna become enlightened this night, and that everyone in the organization planned this. When i finished my set, i felt like there isn't going to happen such thing, and the other dj's quickly moved me away from the dj place (so they can quickly put up their equipment and move on with the party) and i felt like i didn't make it, that i was too dumb to understand what they understand. And the next dj starte playing and i was all in my thoughts that i'm a looser and so on. And on a such big speaker system i heard the progressive psy like in a new way, that each sound is made out of more sounds that are twisted in one another, and i could hear them laughing about how i didn't make it, so i also screamed something into the speaker as i thought that would be permanently written in the song, so whenever someone hears that part, he hears my scream inbetween all the other sounds... and i was going into a more negative state and i thought that to proove something to myself i had to kill myself to experience the afterlife. And with such a minset i went outside and to the car where my closer friends where, tripping together in the car (5 of them). And they seemingly had a lot of fun, and than i appeared looking like someone whose pet died 2 minutes ago. And they collectively pulled me up, out of the bad feeling into positive. And the very smart girl who is much more experienced in psychedelics than i am, answered every of my question in the right way. I realized that love is the answer to everything and till i went to sleep we were together, speaking to one another through emotions, rather than by language, we could feel each other's auras. Everything was good. So than, in the middle of December 2015 i moved to Austria alone, and after a month or so, a guy found me over facebook and added me into his secret group with over 7500 members at the time. And i ordered 10 blotters from him. It came on the reception of the hotel where i'm working, in a small book. So i waited till i have free, and took one blotter the night before i had a free day. I don't really remember whati was dooing than, but i know that after an hour or so, i thought that the acid isn't working, or the blotters were exposed to higher temperatures, and i took another one (they were 125ug), nd after an hour, the third one... and i finnished laying naked on my bed, in a half lotus position (not with intention, naturally) like with no straight spine, and listening to "The Psychedelic Experience" of teamoth leary (you can find it on youtube). As he talked, i went into a real visual trip, unlimited layers of reality were passing by me, and my consciousness really went into a trip i thought will never end. I can also recall that in one moment, when i was in a particular place in the multiverse of dimensions i've been going through, that i remembered that i already was here, not one time, not 100 times, but an unlimited number of times, and i had the thought "shit, i am here once more for the i don't know what time now". Shurely in this lie i've never been there, but than, i could remember thet, and the trip went on, faster and faster, my consciousness travelled in a fibonacci spiral (not in 2D or 3D but in limitless dimensions) over my head into the center of the Thorus, and i was blasted into colors and shapes i was passing through perfectly, and faster, and faster than light, and BOOM!... Everything stopped, layer after layer after layer of unlimited layers stopped mooving one after another... I BROKE THE MECHANICS OF REALITY! THE REALITY IS GONE! EVERYTHING IS MESSED UP! THIS IS HELL, OR WORSE...and than i started to go in the oposite direction, forever, and it was painful for me, because i was the universe that destroyed itself, i didn't feel my body, i felt the dimensions like they were me, and it was pure hell, and i was jumping from one nonsense to other, i couldn't think normally at all, it was an ever lasting, undtoppable bad trip. I destroyed everything! Every living beeing, everyone i loved, all there is! After a few hours i slowly came back, but i was still in schock. Since than i am trying to figure out who i am, and i am growing myself shrooms because i hope and belive that they can pull me out of my Anexity and fear of reality. I fear all the dimensions, i know it was real, like the laptop is real i am writing this text on, not more real and not less real. But i have to overcome my Fear somehow, i wanna go on Psytrance festivals, and do acid in the crowd, i want to break free of everything that held me back, just like i did when i first realized that acid is not a toy drug, what it was showing me. Anyone can relate'
So what happened to me is that in the winter of 2016 i did a pretty dumb thing that is really upsetting me till right now.
But let's go first to the fall of 2016.
Since 3-4 years ago (i am 22 now) i have started doing psychedelics (mostly LSD) and other drugs, but acid is the reason why i'm fucked up right now.
The first time i did acid was around the beginning of July 2014. It was my first Psytrance party i ever attended. I was with my friends and we bought some extasy before we went to the event. On the event we met a young girl who had a backpack full of shrooms and Lsd blotters. Me and my friend bought one blotter and splitted it in half because it was double the price of the standard price. So, it was my first Psy party and also my first psychedelic drug intake. It was one of the best nights in my life, everything was amazing, the emotions, feelings, people around me and the music of course... but i didn't feel anything that would bring forth the thought "HEY, THE ACID IS WORKING".. but still, with the combination of Lucy and extasy, it was a pretty Wow night (i knew the pills before though, and one pill surely wasn't responsible for that sort of a party). And i went on with this, partying like that, for over a year. I had no fear whatsoever of psychedelics (i couldn't eat shrooms, the taste and smell make me wanna puke). So, in October of 2015 i went with my best friend to the other city to buy 2 blotters of a thrustworthy source (also a good friend of mine). The blotters had written on them 1p-lsd, and on the other side was a image of the molecule, black on white background, but i don't know if it was 1p-lsd or ordinary acid. When we had the blotters each of us took one half of it and i kept the other one. We payed than a visit to a girl that lived in the city before we went home. We stayed at her place maybe 2 hours and did a very little dose of speed. i didn't notice anything from the blotter and was saying to me that theye were weak or that i have a great capacity or tolerance (i was so dumb at the time). So, with the thought in mind that it was just a drug like every other, we did it for fun. then we drove 65km back to our city while listening to drk twilight psytrance on the way. The drive back home was amazing, we were totally into the music and driving, everything was smooth like the road and curves we were driving through. So he let me home and i went to my room. I couldn't resist the urge to take the other blotter too that i saved and put it under my tounge. I went right away to Dj-ing Twilight Psytrance with headphones to the maximum, and as longer i listened to the music the more i could understand it, that there is more to the music than i thought, and i was asking myself constantly how can someone even produce that, and how could i the same songs hear now in a totally different way than usual? So, accidentaly i played a track that wasn't a psytrance track. It was an intro to a twilight psy album "Peakadelic - Peak records 2013". The name of the track was "Lysergic". It had some strange sound slowwly passing by and than the voice of a woman spoke "CAN YOU FEEL IT? FEEL THE AIR? FEEL THE MOLECULES? I AM ONE WITH ALL. COMPLETE. OBSERVER AND OBSERVED. CREATURE AND CREATOR. ALL THERE IS, ALL THERE WAS, ALL THERE WILL EVER BE....".
So as i was listening to it i suddenly realized something (that what the woman was saying), i can't really remember today, but i was than shure it was the truth. And i realized what was it all about. So i started crying like a little child, i regretted every single bad thing i did with intention. And as i cried, all the guilty conscience slowly faded away, and when i stopped crying i felt as i was newly born again. The last few months before that experience i was totally depressed, i was like i had no emotions at all, i wasn'tsad, it just fellt all so not important to me anymore. I remember saying at the time that someone could kill someone else in front of my eyes and i wouldn't react to it at all. I was really in a bad depression state. But after that experience everything in my life changed for good, i found joy in the life, happiness and the appreciation for the beautiful small things. Life was blown int me in the most beautiful way possible. So i realized that to find a job isn't that difficult as i thought it was. At the time i was searching for a job almost 3 months (so good i can remember). After the experience i found a new job in 2 days in another country with a wage almost 3 times as big as at home. So i just had to celebrate my birthday party and in a feew weeks i was going to move into the alps, 500km away from home. But i was positive about everything. On my birthay i had the opening set of the party and while i was playing, out of fun, i took another blotter in the middle of my set. Everything was like amazing because i was tripping on the thought that this birthday was an initiation into something, that i am gonna become enlightened this night, and that everyone in the organization planned this. When i finished my set, i felt like there isn't going to happen such thing, and the other dj's quickly moved me away from the dj place (so they can quickly put up their equipment and move on with the party) and i felt like i didn't make it, that i was too dumb to understand what they understand. And the next dj starte playing and i was all in my thoughts that i'm a looser and so on. And on a such big speaker system i heard the progressive psy like in a new way, that each sound is made out of more sounds that are twisted in one another, and i could hear them laughing about how i didn't make it, so i also screamed something into the speaker as i thought that would be permanently written in the song, so whenever someone hears that part, he hears my scream inbetween all the other sounds... and i was going into a more negative state and i thought that to proove something to myself i had to kill myself to experience the afterlife. And with such a minset i went outside and to the car where my closer friends where, tripping together in the car (5 of them). And they seemingly had a lot of fun, and than i appeared looking like someone whose pet died 2 minutes ago. And they collectively pulled me up, out of the bad feeling into positive. And the very smart girl who is much more experienced in psychedelics than i am, answered every of my question in the right way. I realized that love is the answer to everything and till i went to sleep we were together, speaking to one another through emotions, rather than by language, we could feel each other's auras. Everything was good. So than, in the middle of December 2015 i moved to Austria alone, and after a month or so, a guy found me over facebook and added me into his secret group with over 7500 members at the time. And i ordered 10 blotters from him. It came on the reception of the hotel where i'm working, in a small book. So i waited till i have free, and took one blotter the night before i had a free day. I don't really remember whati was dooing than, but i know that after an hour or so, i thought that the acid isn't working, or the blotters were exposed to higher temperatures, and i took another one (they were 125ug), nd after an hour, the third one... and i finnished laying naked on my bed, in a half lotus position (not with intention, naturally) like with no straight spine, and listening to "The Psychedelic Experience" of teamoth leary (you can find it on youtube). As he talked, i went into a real visual trip, unlimited layers of reality were passing by me, and my consciousness really went into a trip i thought will never end. I can also recall that in one moment, when i was in a particular place in the multiverse of dimensions i've been going through, that i remembered that i already was here, not one time, not 100 times, but an unlimited number of times, and i had the thought "shit, i am here once more for the i don't know what time now". Shurely in this lie i've never been there, but than, i could remember thet, and the trip went on, faster and faster, my consciousness travelled in a fibonacci spiral (not in 2D or 3D but in limitless dimensions) over my head into the center of the Thorus, and i was blasted into colors and shapes i was passing through perfectly, and faster, and faster than light, and BOOM!... Everything stopped, layer after layer after layer of unlimited layers stopped mooving one after another... I BROKE THE MECHANICS OF REALITY! THE REALITY IS GONE! EVERYTHING IS MESSED UP! THIS IS HELL, OR WORSE...and than i started to go in the oposite direction, forever, and it was painful for me, because i was the universe that destroyed itself, i didn't feel my body, i felt the dimensions like they were me, and it was pure hell, and i was jumping from one nonsense to other, i couldn't think normally at all, it was an ever lasting, undtoppable bad trip. I destroyed everything! Every living beeing, everyone i loved, all there is! After a few hours i slowly came back, but i was still in schock. Since than i am trying to figure out who i am, and i am growing myself shrooms because i hope and belive that they can pull me out of my Anexity and fear of reality. I fear all the dimensions, i know it was real, like the laptop is real i am writing this text on, not more real and not less real. But i have to overcome my Fear somehow, i wanna go on Psytrance festivals, and do acid in the crowd, i want to break free of everything that held me back, just like i did when i first realized that acid is not a toy drug, what it was showing me. Anyone can relate'
