jewelle1954
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 16, 2017
- Messages
- 1
Hello,
I hope you will bear with me but I believe history is important. I've come to this site in a last-ditch effort to see if my 21-year-old son and I can salvage our relationship. First, a little history on me. From the time I was 16 years old, I worked and was very independent. When I was in my 20s I started working as a word processor at a law firm. Thereafter, I became a legal secretary and worked in that capacity until 2011 when I had to quit working due to having Granulomatosis Polyangiitis (Wegener's), a/k/a GPA, which was diagnosed in 1999. GPA is an autoimmune inflammatory disorder, which causes chronic pain (for which I was prescribed a variety of pain patches and pills, finally settling on morphine, which helped me tremendously). The inflammation greatly affected my eyes (iritis--inflammation of the iris; uvitis--inflammation in the back of my eyes; glaucoma; and cataracts), my teeth (I got my remaining teeth removed three weeks ago and am waiting for dentures), and have had just a little trouble with my kidneys to date. In April 2016, it was discovered that arthritis had wrecked my left hip. The first doc I went to told me I was too thin, wanted me off the morphine, and was afraid, from a liability standpoint, to replace my hip because of the GPA. He just wanted to give me injections, which did not work. I took his advice on the morphine (I was taking between 30-90 mg a day, depending on my pain level) and this past March, I went cold turkey and got off the morphine. I found a good hip doctor but he told me I had to get my teeth removed and get dentures before he would do the hip surgery because he didn't want any bacteria in my system after he replaced my hip. With a really bad hip and now no teeth I am VERY limited in my activities, which drives me nuts!.
That's my history. Now my son's. I divorced his father because he became an alcoholic and started taking barbituates. I didn't want my son around a role model like that! At that point, my soon-to-be ex-husband ran home to his mommy in Pennsylvania and abandoned our son who became an anxious child and despite counselors and psychiatrists, nothing helped. He started having back trouble, which flared up when he was in 8th grade. We went from doctor to doctor, but they all said there was no reason for the pain he was having. I know they didn't believe him, but I knew he was hurting. Fast forward to 10th grade and my son discovered my morphine pills. He started stealing them and because I am not an abuser of medications and don't "count my pills," I didn't notice it at first. When I did, I asked him about it but he denied it. When he finally fessed up, he said he'd take them and go to his friend's house overnight or whatever and was not around me so I didn't see it. I admit, I was quite ignorant and feel extremely guilty to this day! When I put a stop to him taking my pills, he got it elsewhere. The day came when he was so bad he agreed to go to rehab. He was admitted and he successfully got off the opiates. That was two years ago. He began seeing a chiropractor a year ago and he is now pain-free, at least physically. His abandonment issues from his father leaving him when he was 7 have caused him to self-medicate and when he turned 21, he started using alcohol. All of this has been extremely difficult for me to deal with, considering my own situation. A couple months ago, he found a former co-worker who is a junkie and the worst of the worst happened. He had an unfortunate thing happen to him and true to his nature of running away, he contacted the junkie and got some heroin. He did it one more time and when I found out, I first begged and pleaded with him not to go down that road. I told him that he could live his own life, but I won't/can't stand by and have him doing that around me, for obvious reasons and that he should move out. I am afraid to get pain medication from my hip doctor until the surgery for fear he will either take it or harass me about it until I want to just die. Now, For the last month, he's kept telling me I should try heroin, that it would take my pain away, that we could mend the rift in our relationship that his addictions have caused. He says I am close-minded and there is something really "off" in my head. I am at the point of just going to sleep forever. Am I wrong? I just want to get my hip fixed and get a part-time job so I feel like I have a reason to live and hopefully work on my son's problems some more. Any thoughts are appreciated, but please know I hate myself so please be kind. Thanks for bearing with my long-windedness!
I hope you will bear with me but I believe history is important. I've come to this site in a last-ditch effort to see if my 21-year-old son and I can salvage our relationship. First, a little history on me. From the time I was 16 years old, I worked and was very independent. When I was in my 20s I started working as a word processor at a law firm. Thereafter, I became a legal secretary and worked in that capacity until 2011 when I had to quit working due to having Granulomatosis Polyangiitis (Wegener's), a/k/a GPA, which was diagnosed in 1999. GPA is an autoimmune inflammatory disorder, which causes chronic pain (for which I was prescribed a variety of pain patches and pills, finally settling on morphine, which helped me tremendously). The inflammation greatly affected my eyes (iritis--inflammation of the iris; uvitis--inflammation in the back of my eyes; glaucoma; and cataracts), my teeth (I got my remaining teeth removed three weeks ago and am waiting for dentures), and have had just a little trouble with my kidneys to date. In April 2016, it was discovered that arthritis had wrecked my left hip. The first doc I went to told me I was too thin, wanted me off the morphine, and was afraid, from a liability standpoint, to replace my hip because of the GPA. He just wanted to give me injections, which did not work. I took his advice on the morphine (I was taking between 30-90 mg a day, depending on my pain level) and this past March, I went cold turkey and got off the morphine. I found a good hip doctor but he told me I had to get my teeth removed and get dentures before he would do the hip surgery because he didn't want any bacteria in my system after he replaced my hip. With a really bad hip and now no teeth I am VERY limited in my activities, which drives me nuts!.
That's my history. Now my son's. I divorced his father because he became an alcoholic and started taking barbituates. I didn't want my son around a role model like that! At that point, my soon-to-be ex-husband ran home to his mommy in Pennsylvania and abandoned our son who became an anxious child and despite counselors and psychiatrists, nothing helped. He started having back trouble, which flared up when he was in 8th grade. We went from doctor to doctor, but they all said there was no reason for the pain he was having. I know they didn't believe him, but I knew he was hurting. Fast forward to 10th grade and my son discovered my morphine pills. He started stealing them and because I am not an abuser of medications and don't "count my pills," I didn't notice it at first. When I did, I asked him about it but he denied it. When he finally fessed up, he said he'd take them and go to his friend's house overnight or whatever and was not around me so I didn't see it. I admit, I was quite ignorant and feel extremely guilty to this day! When I put a stop to him taking my pills, he got it elsewhere. The day came when he was so bad he agreed to go to rehab. He was admitted and he successfully got off the opiates. That was two years ago. He began seeing a chiropractor a year ago and he is now pain-free, at least physically. His abandonment issues from his father leaving him when he was 7 have caused him to self-medicate and when he turned 21, he started using alcohol. All of this has been extremely difficult for me to deal with, considering my own situation. A couple months ago, he found a former co-worker who is a junkie and the worst of the worst happened. He had an unfortunate thing happen to him and true to his nature of running away, he contacted the junkie and got some heroin. He did it one more time and when I found out, I first begged and pleaded with him not to go down that road. I told him that he could live his own life, but I won't/can't stand by and have him doing that around me, for obvious reasons and that he should move out. I am afraid to get pain medication from my hip doctor until the surgery for fear he will either take it or harass me about it until I want to just die. Now, For the last month, he's kept telling me I should try heroin, that it would take my pain away, that we could mend the rift in our relationship that his addictions have caused. He says I am close-minded and there is something really "off" in my head. I am at the point of just going to sleep forever. Am I wrong? I just want to get my hip fixed and get a part-time job so I feel like I have a reason to live and hopefully work on my son's problems some more. Any thoughts are appreciated, but please know I hate myself so please be kind. Thanks for bearing with my long-windedness!