Homeless in about 9 or 12 months

[Aspi]

Hello, I'm 17 and am going to be homeless in about 9 or 12 months. I'm a mess at home and my parents are tired of it, so they're kicking me out in about 9 or 12 months when I turn 18. For school, I am currently in an independent school that only requires me to go to their place around twice a week. I am currently looking for a job. In fact, I've been looking for one for a while now, but no luck. So yea. There's no turning back. I lost everything else, all I have now is time. What can I do to prepare for the inevitable? What rights do I have as a homeless? What should I take with me? (SSN? Medicare? Passport? Etc.) where can I go to stay? I live in Los Angeles, California. Talking to my parents apologizing will do nothing no matter how much feelings I put into my words, so this is all that I can do; preparing in advance. Any advice is appreciated. I also have no friends or relatives I can stay over. I'm alone out there.

 

[KneelB4Doom]

9-12 months is a good amount of time. Look for a decent paying job but don't think you're above every opening you come across. Then save that money>> (Yes drugs are awesome, but having a home is WAY fucking better)

You should be able to find roommates so you don't have to spend all your money on rent.

Welcome to adulthood.

 

[Felonious Monk]

Consider also whether you want to continue living in LA. It offers some benefits (some public transportation--if you live near it, educational options, medical access, etc.) depending on what you value. Unfortunately, it also has very high rent.

You might consider moving somewhere like San Bernardino or Bakersfield that has much lower rent. Even Santa Clarita. There's jobs in those places too. Especially the central valley (Bakersfield, Fresno, Merced, etc.) if you're looking to turn your life around and start fresh. Plenty of jobs in ag/packing there that would pay you a living wage and would offer opportunity for advancement over time. Last time I drove through there I saw lots of "Hiring" signs on the businesses, and this was just from the highway.

If you don't have internet at home go to your local library to use theirs. Talk to the guidance counselor at your school and get information on state programs. California has excellent benefits, so as a kicked-out 18-year-old with no assets, you should absolutely be able to get health care and money for food, possibly even assistance on rent, I'm not sure. But the first 2 for sure. If your guidance counselor sucks find the closest Social Services office and go there on a day you don't have school, get a caseworker and explain your situation. The bureaucracy will suck but it'll be worth the benefits. They may even be able to help with a job or job training.

You'll be ok. If you take this time to plan, you'll be able to hit the ground running in 6 months.

Definitely don't limit yourself to LA, really consider somewhere with a lower cost of living.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

9 to 12 months is a lot of time you have to improve things at home with your parents.

Can you find a job, stop using drugs or whatever it is that's ruining your relationship with your family, save money, and find a place to live?

 

[Jmr828]

Hi there. Sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. I have a 17 year old daughter, almost 18. I couldnt imagine anything that would make me kick her out onto the streets. I know every family is different and what is acceptable varies in every family. What did you do that would justify kicking you out? I could see and understand if you were a danger to your parents and or siblings? Are they in fear for their lives.If you could explain what events occurred that led up to you being threatened to be kicked out. That would be a good starting point in repairing the problem. I know that what you are feeling and going through feels permanent but I guarantee its not. Hang in there and keep in touch.

 

[Aspi]

Hi there. Sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. I have a 17 year old daughter, almost 18. I couldnt imagine anything that would make me kick her out onto the streets. I know every family is different and what is acceptable varies in every family. What did you do that would justify kicking you out? I could see and understand if you were a danger to your parents and or siblings? Are they in fear for their lives.If you could explain what events occurred that led up to you being threatened to be kicked out. That would be a good starting point in repairing the problem. I know that what you are feeling and going through feels permanent but I guarantee its not. Hang in there and keep in touch.

I did a lot of things wrong. I got expelled from a regular school last year, I get terrible grades, I stole my parents money to do stupid things, shoplifting and got arrested a few weeks ago, currently under probation right now, not sure how long because no papers came yet, just bad things that I deserve to be kicked out for. It's just there's no return. Do I regret doing it? Hell yeah, now that it came to this point. But no used crying about it. All I can do now is prepare to go. I've been a dumbass my entire life, doing stupid things and now it all came back to bite my ass from behind. Going to look into places to move to asap.

 

[Aspi]

Consider also whether you want to continue living in LA. It offers some benefits (some public transportation--if you live near it, educational options, medical access, etc.) depending on what you value. Unfortunately, it also has very high rent.

You might consider moving somewhere like San Bernardino or Bakersfield that has much lower rent. Even Santa Clarita. There's jobs in those places too. Especially the central valley (Bakersfield, Fresno, Merced, etc.) if you're looking to turn your life around and start fresh. Plenty of jobs in ag/packing there that would pay you a living wage and would offer opportunity for advancement over time. Last time I drove through there I saw lots of "Hiring" signs on the businesses, and this was just from the highway.

If you don't have internet at home go to your local library to use theirs. Talk to the guidance counselor at your school and get information on state programs. California has excellent benefits, so as a kicked-out 18-year-old with no assets, you should absolutely be able to get health care and money for food, possibly even assistance on rent, I'm not sure. But the first 2 for sure. If your guidance counselor sucks find the closest Social Services office and go there on a day you don't have school, get a caseworker and explain your situation. The bureaucracy will suck but it'll be worth the benefits. They may even be able to help with a job or job training.

You'll be ok. If you take this time to plan, you'll be able to hit the ground running in 6 months.

Definitely don't limit yourself to LA, really consider somewhere with a lower cost of living.

Going to add these to a check list of To-dos when I will eventually get kicked out. Yea. I will probably move somewhere if LA is too hard. Hopefully I can get a job soon, save up some money and potentially find a cheap place to stay at. (For the places you mentioned, are there any possibility for rent dropping as low as $300-$600?

 

[Jmr828]

I did a lot of things wrong. I got expelled from a regular school last year, I get terrible grades, I stole my parents money to do stupid things, shoplifting and got arrested a few weeks ago, currently under probation right now, not sure how long because no papers came yet, just bad things that I deserve to be kicked out for. It's just there's no return. Do I regret doing it? Hell yeah, now that it came to this point. But no used crying about it. All I can do now is prepare to go. I've been a dumbass my entire life, doing stupid things and now it all came back to bite my ass from behind. Going to look into places to move to asap.

Please listen to me. You are 17 years old. Teenagers mess up, adults mess up. So you were expelled and have bad grades. Of course your parents are disappointed. Truth is school is not for everyone. I know many people that dropped out and went on to make a decent life. Are you having difficulty with your school work, if so do you have a learning disability? Can you talk to a counsler about help with that? Worst case sceranio, drop out. But what is your plan for the future. I would highly recommend getting your GED. Shoplifting, I did that so many times as a teenager, it really isnt that uncommon. Stealing from your mom, thats pretty hurtful but can be fixed. Im assuming you needed the money for drugs? If you do have a problem with drugs that would be #1 priority to fix. There is no way you can do that alone. Before this all happened how was your relationship with your mom?
The fact that you are 17 and feel as though you have been a dumbass your entire life is concerning. You are not supposed to feel that way till your married. I dont know you and im telling you, YOU ARE NOT a dumbass. You are a 17 year old that needs a kick in the ass. Being sorry and wanting to change things is a step in the right direction.

 

[Erikmen]

9 to 12 months is a lot of time you have to improve things at home with your parents.

Can you find a job, stop using drugs or whatever it is that's ruining your relationship with your family, save money, and find a place to live?

I agree about this time frame and all that can be done during this period.

You may think that your parents won't accept apologies but if you are seriously considering quitting drugs and trying to do things right, your actions will speak louder than your words. Like it was said above, it's better than being homeless. I think your parents are trusting that you aim for the right choice. They want whatever is better for you, even if that includes telling you to go away.

 

[Ds]

You could try looking in your city and states job corps programs,where you get a trade(in any of the trades that they offer), live on campus, and they pay you $. They do drug test,and have a zero-tolerance policy on drug use. You are still young, and like someone mentioned earlier that we all make mistakes.

 

[Aspi]

Please listen to me. You are 17 years old. Teenagers mess up, adults mess up. So you were expelled and have bad grades. Of course your parents are disappointed. Truth is school is not for everyone. I know many people that dropped out and went on to make a decent life. Are you having difficulty with your school work, if so do you have a learning disability? Can you talk to a counsler about help with that? Worst case sceranio, drop out. But what is your plan for the future. I would highly recommend getting your GED. Shoplifting, I did that so many times as a teenager, it really isnt that uncommon. Stealing from your mom, thats pretty hurtful but can be fixed. Im assuming you needed the money for drugs? If you do have a problem with drugs that would be #1 priority to fix. There is no way you can do that alone. Before this all happened how was your relationship with your mom?
The fact that you are 17 and feel as though you have been a dumbass your entire life is concerning. You are not supposed to feel that way till your married. I dont know you and im telling you, YOU ARE NOT a dumbass. You are a 17 year old that needs a kick in the ass. Being sorry and wanting to change things is a step in the right direction.

For school, I just don't like it. Of course, nobody does. But the differences between me and other people is if something is boring for me, even if it's educationally beneficial, I become lazy and lack any motivation to work. That's just how my brain is wired up. I'm not saying I'm like that for jobs, because I can earn money so I must persevere. School is just different. But right now, I'm doing alright at this independent school. I've been doing their work and turning in stuff consistently and they told me I'm going to graduate next year if I do all the scheduled classes on time, and so far, I've been doing that. So for school, I feel confident now. About the money, that was a year ago. Back then, I used to smoke. Now, I stopped. But my parent ain't gonna give me that chance. They still look at me like I'm some kind of antagonist in the house even before the shoplifting. So talking to them isn't going to change the inevitable. Gotta plan now before the time arrives and I have no idea what to do. No plans. Nothing. Then, I'd be even more screwed. My parents already treat me like an outsider. So I knew they'd eventually come to this. No use talking to them.

 

[Erikmen]

I never expected anything from my parents and even though I left home voluntarily at the age of 16 I found various possibilities to get a life of my own. Nothing was really easy and sometimes you have to fight and do all it takes to get around, find a place of your own, get your first job, etc. I think you have plenty of time to plan your life, it's not like a 3-week-notice.

Most of us really enjoy the comfort of being home and get everything for free, but that's not really an option for you right now, so I suggest you take this notice as seriously as possible and look for a job or into dividing an apartment with a colleague, or colleagues. Fight with your own demons and look for ways to be independent, even if you have to get jobs you don't really want to in order to start gathering some experience. This is life for a lot of people at your age all over the world and that doesn't mean you'd be homeless.

Have you thought of college? Are there any possible ways to get a scholarship? You can also pursue that if it's possible even it's night school. If not, try looking for a non-expensive area you could make a living and use this period you still have to do that with some comfort. I really dislike people who says "when I was at your age I did this or that and I'm okay now", but unfortunately that's the hope I can give you. I have been through a very similar situation at your age and at some point things started to fall in their places like it should have. You'll be fine, get into your parents 'game' and see if at least you can live in peace with them. That's going to be important later on in your life.

Take care!

 

[Jmr828]

I get that, my mind often wanders into daydream world when im bored. That is great and I hope you stick with that. I dont feel as if I can give you good advice. I am bias and cant fathom the idea of parents throwing their kid out while still in high school. From what I could see, the mistakes you made are not worthy of being made to feel like an antagonist dumbass outsider. I think if you were given a little understanding, less judgement and more communication this wouldn't be so hard. Thats just me. Get your shit together because you did mess up. Make the best of your life that you can. Good luck!

 

[Aspi]

Thank you.
Gonna see what I can do for the next 9-12 months. I'll try to keep updating the progress.

 

[sigmond]

at your age you should be able to find someone to share an apartment with. if you start saving now you should have enough in 9-12 months.

if you end up homeless..

- find a safe place to sleep
- utilize the resources available to homeless people but try to avoid spending a lot of time around shelters and soup kitchens.
- be friendly but reserved around other homeless folks
- gym membership so you can take a shower, EBT card so you can eat, obamaphone for phone and internet.
- library for shelter, education, entertainment
- look as clean as possible and don't tell people you're homeless unless necessary.

if you're in LA you'll probably encounter a fair amount of meth users who can be rather volatile so try to avoid getting into that..

cultivating a friendly, happy, confident demeanor will make your life a lot easier. Although, frequently, the longer you're homeless the harder this will become.

stay safe!

 

[psy997]

I did literally every single one of those things you mentioned and was never even close to being kicked out. If you're parents feel you're deserving of being kicked out for your mistakes, fine, but do NOT internalize that you are unworthy and deserving because of them. Everything you've mentioned are just drops in the bucket, none of it is even a big deal. I'm assuming you live with conservative, uptight, most likely Christian parents?

The number one thing I can tell you as it will save you a lifetime of guilt, shame, and taking less than you deserve, is that you are NOT a fuckup for making the mistakes you have, and you are not deserving of losing you home and family because of them. It is not you in the wrong here for being kicked out, it is them. Family does not kick out, family loves, supports, and helps rehabilitation. Let me repeat that. FAMILY DOES NOT KICK OUT. Do not internalize that. This is more important than you most likely realize.

In addition, no matter the status of your relationship with your parents, no matter the anger, betrayal, resentment, or fear they may feel in this moment, I guarantee you that if they are letting you stay for 9-12 months until you graduate instead of kicking you out immediately, their minds can be changed. If you were really irreparable and too far gone in their eyes (you're not even near it) they would kick you out right now and leave it at that. At 17 you may not have the perspective that one gains as they grow older into parents and the way they think, but I can promise you, if they're letting you stay and supporting you until you graduate, they will let you stay and support you longer than graduation if you stop using, get a job, save money, and show them with your actions that you are committed to doing what's best for yourself. Not for them, but yourself. Words mean nothing, especially to parents that feel they and their child has failed. Actions, however, speak volumes.

It is obvious you have a heart of gold and the wisdom and self awareness to know what's best for you and what it takes to achieve that. Use the resources at your disposal, prepare for your future, and the seemingly impossible will present itself to you. You are not a fuck up, you do not deserve desertion for anything and from anybody, and you will achieve what it is you set out to do.

 

[Jmr828]

The number one thing I can tell you as it will save you a lifetime of guilt, shame, and taking less than you deserve, is that you are NOT a fuckup for making the mistakes you have, and you are not deserving of losing you home and family because of them. It is not you in the wrong here for being kicked out, it is them. Family does not kick out, family loves, supports, and helps rehabilitation. Let me repeat that. FAMILY DOES NOT KICK OUT. Do not internalize that. This is more important than you most likely realize.

I couldn't agree more!

 

[Erikmen]

I know you have your mind set about what your family is about to do with you. But to be quite honest, also because we have had a bit of similar scenarios here in BL, I trust that in the bottom of your parent's heart you are a fine and loved son. They are probably too tired or revolted - idk maybe going through their own problems.

The point I want to make here is that they are possibly not really meaning that, I have seen a lot of friends going through this situation and at the end things don't turn out like you are anticipating. I agree with you when you say that family don't kick out their own children, definitely not at your age. And maybe they won't, but I'm pretty sure they need you to believe they will so that you be whoever they want you to be. I'm a father myself and I could never send my son out to the streets, but given certain circumstances they need to play their role because they probably want what's best for you. I'm not saying things are like that because I don't know them but just think about this. What are you doing that are making them so furious with you?

Worried parents are capable to do all sort of things to make sure their sons and daughters are okay and I believe they worry about you and I believe they don't want you to be homeless. They might be feeling this now, or for a while. Why would they want this? Ask yourself what can you do to come to terms with them?

If they were that mad and furious wouldn't they have told you to go away without notice? It would have been really mean but it would also show that they would really mean it. In one years so many things can happen. I think there is a part of them that does not want this to happen, one year is a long time. Maybe they are hoping that things can change.

But this me, thinking out loud. I suggest that you try to consider their side as well. Empathy has often worked with families. Try to get a job while you are still at home, change the attitude that you think is making them mad. Can't you all have a conversation, with compromise from all sides?

 

[Jmr828]

I know you have your mind set about what your family is about to do with you. But to be quite honest, also because we have had a bit of similar scenarios here in BL, I trust that in the bottom of your parent's heart you are a fine and loved son. They are probably too tired or revolted - idk maybe going through their own problems.

The point I want to make here is that they are possibly not really meaning that, I have seen a lot of friends going through this situation and at the end things don't turn out like you are anticipating. I agree with you when you say that family don't kick out their own children, definitely not at your age. And maybe they won't, but I'm pretty sure they need you to believe they will so that you be whoever they want you to be. I'm a father myself and I could never send my son out to the streets, but given certain circumstances they need to play their role because they probably want what's best for you. I'm not saying things are like that because I don't know them but just think about this. What are you doing that are making them so furious with you?

Worried parents are capable to do all sort of things to make sure their sons and daughters are okay and I believe they worry about you and I believe they don't want you to be homeless. They might be feeling this now, or for a while. Why would they want this? Ask yourself what can you do to come to terms with them?

If they were that mad and furious wouldn't they have told you to go away without notice? It would have been really mean but it would also show that they would really mean it. In one years so many things can happen. I think there is a part of them that does not want this to happen, one year is a long time. Maybe they are hoping that things can change.

But this me, thinking out loud. I suggest that you try to consider their side as well. Empathy has often worked with families. Try to get a job while you are still at home, change the attitude that you think is making them mad. Can't you all have a conversation, with compromise from all sides?

Parents do often get tired, revolted and have their own problems to work out. But that is never a good enough reason to threaten your child that has no friends or relatives they can count on and make them think they will be homeless. If they dont really mean it in my opinion they are psychologically mind f%*king this poor kid. I dont believe in using bullie tactics or trying to force anybody into being anything but themselves: with guidance of course.This kid has very little self worth. How is anybody supposed to have a positive outcome in life when the very people you love the most knock you down and make you feel like you have already failed and that there is no chance to change the situation. I am a grown woman and recently went through that. I could NOT handle it. Being alone and feeling rejected by my family is by far the worst. I can not even imagine trying to at 17. In the United States it is illegal to kick a 17 year old out, neglect and child abandonment is considered a crime. That is the reason they said when 18.
Just my opinion.

 

[Erikmen]

That's what I tried to say, but unfortunately not all parents are like what we wish they could be. I believe the generations before us were even worse and there's nothing we can do other than keep trying to talk in order to make them realize how these things can hurt us. Life is not fair, people are dishonest. We can't feel we are victimized and at the same time resolve our own things. If his parents are like that, what's the point in re emphasizing this fact over and over again.

I'm trying to be realistic here, not at all endorsing his parents behavior, maybe trying to understand, but not at all justifying. Dialogue has been the key for many of our unresolved issues. That's the only thing that can change his parents' plans. There's no use in being mad and disgusted with his parents ways of dealing with their son. But what can you do. Put more wood in the fire, like the old saying. Accept things you can't change, change those you can and move on.

You say this poor kid?? How about; this young man trying to cope and deal with his problems? After all, he was courageous enough to come here and talk about his feelings.

Suggesting that someone is a poor guy and instigate pity doesn't help IMHO. Instead, I believe we should come up with ideas of how to support him and others about how to deal with his parents. Not feeling sorry about him. I would have disliked that entirely. But that is just me.