Never intended to cheat. Then couldn't stop.
- Thread starter Jmr828
- Start date
The way I was behaving... Judgement deserved. Actually, really embarrassed and ashamed. At the time I wasn't thinking right, my head went crazy and I don't think I cared about anything. Not being able to see my kids unless supervised felt as though the world was ending. Then getting sent off to rehab, AGAIN. I wasn't always like this. But happy to say I am of a clear and stable mind and it feels good. No bars, sleeping around, drinking, drugs or anything. I hope you are doing well!
Thank you! My first day went great. I have my LPN license and am in a CNA position, it made me upset at first. But, really CNA work is what caused me to love this type of work when I started. I'm back to work and happy.
You never know where being at that job may lead in the future. I know a lot of people would disagree with the notion that fate exists but I have been at the right place at the right time way to many times not to believe in fate.
Lpn should be in high demand in every state so just give it time and maybe the new job will bear fruit soon
Lpn should be in high demand in every state so just give it time and maybe the new job will bear fruit soon
That's funny, I am a huge believer in fate. Up till the point of getting wasted and missing my shift, having all of my embarrassing, personal information being put on blast to my boss I had a great reputation at work. Ive been very good at keeping personal life personal and work life professional. So after that, then going to rehab. I don't have the courage to reach out to my previous employer. I live in a very small town. We don't have a home depot or public transportation. A Wal-Mart was recently built.There is not much of a selection besides the hospital. I'm pretty sure I could get a job doing the same as I did before in the bigger towns next to me. That is a 45 minute commute from where I live. I don't have a car right now. I figured till I can save up enough to get a car I am safer to stay as close to home as possible.
There is a lot of intelligence to your post. You no doubt have all of the tools upstairs to make damn good decisions. I'm sure your future is going to be exactly what you make of it.
Just keep telling yourself to make good decisions and work towards your end goal. (I hope I don't come across as preachy)
Just keep telling yourself to make good decisions and work towards your end goal. (I hope I don't come across as preachy)
Not preachy at all. I opened my own bank account today and signed up for direct deposit. I feel proud and a huge sense of Independence. I want more than anything in this world for continued stability. I feel scared because the longer I go being stable, plus gaining Independence causes a very negative atmosphere at home. It almost seems like hubby is more angry with this than when I was out drinking. I am not going to crack this time. No matter what. I'm going to continue staying sober and not go out at all.The kids go back to school in 13 days. I will work as much as I can and save money to start a new life.
It's a shock to the system tho. My favorite stress relief/only hobbies: Sex, drinking and occasional coke use are gone. Feels a bit depressing. But in the end it will be well worth it.
It's a shock to the system tho. My favorite stress relief/only hobbies: Sex, drinking and occasional coke use are gone. Feels a bit depressing. But in the end it will be well worth it.
You are so right. Sacrifice for your children is one of the most rewarding things a parent can do.
I'm sorry your husband feels the need to have so much control over you. He most likely knows what's coming and wants to fight it for some reason. Hopefully as time goes on he will calm down but most likely not. Be sure to take care of yourself and stay safe.
Is he physically abusive at all?
You should definitely be proud of yourself. You are moving in the right direction to take your life back. Remember to be patient, you are playing a long game and you don't wanna make moves in haste.
I meant to ask you earlier, is your intention with the cna position only to work there until you can buy a car or do you plan move up through the ranks as positions open? Also, don the let pride stop you from calling your previous employer. I only bring it up because when it comes time to reclaim your kids a huge part of that is showing EVERYONE that you have stability in your life and that you are in 100% control of your life. You will need to stay at a job for a year or more to prove that or you will at the very least have to prove it was without a doubt the best move for you and your children.
One last thing lol, don't forget to keep driving it in to your head to make good decisions. Just keep telling yourself over and over and over.
I'm sorry your husband feels the need to have so much control over you. He most likely knows what's coming and wants to fight it for some reason. Hopefully as time goes on he will calm down but most likely not. Be sure to take care of yourself and stay safe.
Is he physically abusive at all?
You should definitely be proud of yourself. You are moving in the right direction to take your life back. Remember to be patient, you are playing a long game and you don't wanna make moves in haste.
I meant to ask you earlier, is your intention with the cna position only to work there until you can buy a car or do you plan move up through the ranks as positions open? Also, don the let pride stop you from calling your previous employer. I only bring it up because when it comes time to reclaim your kids a huge part of that is showing EVERYONE that you have stability in your life and that you are in 100% control of your life. You will need to stay at a job for a year or more to prove that or you will at the very least have to prove it was without a doubt the best move for you and your children.
One last thing lol, don't forget to keep driving it in to your head to make good decisions. Just keep telling yourself over and over and over.
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I agree, it makes me sick how off track I got in life. I was always a good mom and then life and all the bullshit happened. Ive always struggled with mental issues and also with drinking and drugs but never to the extreme of not being there for my kids. Yes being back on track is most definitely rewarding.
I am going to stick with this job till I can save up enough money for a car. It is with a home health company. I actually used to work for them when I started this kind of work. I explained to them what my intentions are. I had a great relationship with the owner so I am lucky in a way. I didn't have to start at the bottom of the list. In this type of work when you are new you end up with the worst cases, bad hours and work your way up. I told them the days and hours and areas I could do and they set me up right away.
I know, I really should have just called my previous boss. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't know if it's pride, kinda lost all of that, but recently found it again. I am embarrassed and scared. The fear of rejection and judgement.
I think the whole control thing is kinda my fault. The first 10 years together that is how our relationship was. He is the take charge, bossy, demanding type. I am the total opposite. When I loved, trusted and respected him it worked out well. I think I was too naive, young and stupid to see how sneaky and manipulative he truly is. He made me believe I couldn't make it without him. Having no family or friends in Florida caused me to lean on him for everything. How stupid was I?? You live and learn I guess. Thanks for taking the time to listen. It means alot to me. If you ever need to vent, or anything please feel free
I am going to stick with this job till I can save up enough money for a car. It is with a home health company. I actually used to work for them when I started this kind of work. I explained to them what my intentions are. I had a great relationship with the owner so I am lucky in a way. I didn't have to start at the bottom of the list. In this type of work when you are new you end up with the worst cases, bad hours and work your way up. I told them the days and hours and areas I could do and they set me up right away.
I know, I really should have just called my previous boss. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't know if it's pride, kinda lost all of that, but recently found it again. I am embarrassed and scared. The fear of rejection and judgement.
I think the whole control thing is kinda my fault. The first 10 years together that is how our relationship was. He is the take charge, bossy, demanding type. I am the total opposite. When I loved, trusted and respected him it worked out well. I think I was too naive, young and stupid to see how sneaky and manipulative he truly is. He made me believe I couldn't make it without him. Having no family or friends in Florida caused me to lean on him for everything. How stupid was I?? You live and learn I guess. Thanks for taking the time to listen. It means alot to me. If you ever need to vent, or anything please feel free
Thanks for the offer! I'm sure the day will come when I take you up on that.
Maybe everything you have been through is just a right of passage. You are still young and in ten years you will look back on this experience and see how much you have learned about yourself and the world.
Please do update this thread. I know what you are going through will be a slow tedious process to get to the finish line but it would be so cool to follow along and celebrate each milestone.
Maybe everything you have been through is just a right of passage. You are still young and in ten years you will look back on this experience and see how much you have learned about yourself and the world.
Please do update this thread. I know what you are going through will be a slow tedious process to get to the finish line but it would be so cool to follow along and celebrate each milestone.
Just wanted to say hi!! Work is going great. My client is a 82 year old man that's wheel chair bound and completely helpless he has Parkinson's. He has a great personality, when hes lucid which is 1/2 the time. I work 4 - 12 hour shifts a week and one is a 24 hour shift. I still get a big chunk of time home with the kids.
I went in for my 2nd vivitrol injection yesterday. I've managed to stay clean, sober and as depressing as it is no sex at all. I started a new med 3 weeks ago lamotrigine and im not sure if it's working or not.
I'm going to save 2 months for a down payment and get a loan. It will be one of those raped up the ass in interest loans. I talked to the owner of one of those buy here pay here places and for a 2009 Honda Civic 92,000 miles-ish $9,000.00 - $1,500 down : tax and tag included in loan and $189 pymt on the 1st and 15th of each month for 4 years. I will double up on payments and get it paid off faster. I know in two months time that car won't be there but now I have a good idea of what to expect.
I hope all is well with you!!
DogLover123757
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 3, 2015
- Messages
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Hey just curios, are you making two payments a month of $189? Sorry if I am wrong it just sounds like it from you saying you make a payment on the 1st and 15th of the month for 4 years. With that $1500 that's over $19,000 for that car. I am sure you can find a much better deal from someone or a dealership with a used car. I am glad to hear work is going well and you are having a good time with the kids, that is really awesome! No sex does suck but I am sure when the time is right you won't have a problem getting back at it. So I hope you continue on your current path and if that info is correct about the car that is a really bad rip off, take a few hours and call all the dealerships and car lots, even a Carmax or similar place you can get a much better deal. So hang in there and continue enjoying your life, sounds great!
I know that is a horrible deal for that car. Because of my credit situation it makes my options very limited. My credit score is in the low 500's. Ive talked to toyota, honda, Nissan and dodge dealers and they can't do it. Drive Time would approve me but their terms were equally as bad. Plus you have to purchase a very expense warranty package that jacks the price up even higher.Ive never done any of this on my own in the past. It was always something the hubby would take the lead on. I think I'm looking for instant gratification rather than thinking logically. I really should just save a little longer and pay cash to a person rather than a dealership. Just feels like that's gonna take forever.
The whole sex thing is just frustrating. I have stopped doing all of my favorite things all at once. I'm really happy that ive been able to stop drinking and going out which led to all the sex. In the past I couldn't go a full 24 hours without. All of these changes are great but It doesn't feel it sometimes. When I'm not working and home even worse when the kids are not around I have no idea what to do with myself. I'm sober, friend-less, car-less and to top it off I feel like a ticking sex bomb ready to explode. I'm afraid to go out and even attempt to make friends at this point. I just hope this phase passes quickly. I did go to a couple AA meetings but stopped. I couldn't control myself enough... I'm such an asshole. The womans only group is done on the days I work and the days I'm off the times are when I don't have anyone to watch my daughter. Again, im looking for that instant gratification. I just have to learn to roll with it.
Hey! How goes it? I know this point is going to be frustrating but having an end goal in mind and being able to see in your own mind what you are working for will hopefully comfort you at least a little. As far as the car goes, you did what you have to do. Don't beat yourself up over it. Does the people you got the car from report to a credit agency? If not then bad ass, if so when the time comes to get out of it will they let you out without slamming your credit?
How old are the issues on your credit report? Have you tried disputing any of those issues?
I hope you are doing well!!!
How old are the issues on your credit report? Have you tried disputing any of those issues?
I hope you are doing well!!!