I apologize for the long post, but the details might be important and it might help to tell someone about my personal hell I've been going through. Summary at the bottom.
About a year ago I relapsed heavy with fentanyl, benzos, and speed.(quitting speed is easy, just sleepiness and fatigue for me) The relapse only lasted about 4 months, and then I acquired suboxone. Like a dipshit I made it like 16 hours because of the short half life of fent.
I had full blown precipitated withdrawal, and in that insane state I took a whole strip, making it 100x worse. I think of myself as tough when it comes to being sick, but this was unbelievable. Immediately every pore started gushing sweat, even though I was as cold as I'd ever felt. I spent an hour or so stuck in the bathroom, hot showers were the only thing that helped at all. Time slowed down, it felt like it lasted all day, but it really was mostly over in two hours. Several times I tried to commit suicide, but I couldn't even walk to the kitchen to get a knife. Luckily my chick was there or I would have found a way. It finally started easing a few hours in and I slept for a few hours on the floor, with my girl changing the blanket every 15 minutes or so. I would be drenched and freezing and covered by wet blankets. Anyway this was my rock bottom, or so i'd thought. I got sick just looking at the fent bottles as I trashed them.
So I start tapering the suboxone like I had done a few times before, but now tapering was much more difficult, moving from 8mg to 6mg was tough, when in the past I wouldn't have even noticed the difference.
A friend gave me a ton(hundreds) of Lyrica, he said he kicked using it and felt almost nothing. I figured if it helps during acute withdrawal, it should ease my pain while tapering.
So I took 2 300mg capsules and did feel a lot better. I kept taking them for about two weeks max and just stopped cold turkey. That was the last time I felt normal. The next morning I wake up at 3am with a panic attack(never had one) and this unbelievable adrenaline surge that had my heart racing. I took 300mg of Lyrica and I went from despondent agony, to lower anxiety, but still extremely ill, even after taking another 300mg. I eventually got stable(which was still hell, but at least I could leave the house. I find it astonishing that Lyrica can hook you so fast(if you Google Lyrica withdrawal you'll see is pretty common, but doesn't happen to everyone).
So I've spent the last year just trying to get off and over Lyrica. I had to use xanax, there is no way I could have gotten off lyrica without something for the crippling anxiety. The final withdrawal lasted almost a month, but I still feel shitty most days almost 5 months later. I swapped diazepam for the xanax in preparation to taper, and to have more stable life.
Suboxone had always been a godsend for me. I've always felt normal once inducted, and the taper and withdrawal were pretty mild. Tapering this time sometimes took a month between reductions(luckily I started at 1mg), and even now six weeks after a big drop, I still have runny nose, chills, fatigue, depressions, sleep deprivation, the works(except nausea, I must have an iron stomach, because even precipitated w/d didn't make me puke).
My diazepam source disappeared, and I couldn't really afford 80mg of diazepam a day, so I switched to diclazepam, an RC with similar effects and half life. I've been at a stable dose of it and haven't felt excessive anxiety or sedation and slurring.
So here's where I'm at:
.35mg suboxone/day divided into two doses.
8-9mg of diclazepam.
Basically the problem is I feel stuck. I went from .8mg sub to .35mg initially by accident, but I have stuck through because I need to be sober in a little over a month(my work requires a sharp mind, and I've been dulled and dumbed down for what seems like eternity).
The problem is that is been almost a month since the big drop and I seem to still be sick. Still all the symptoms, and my sleep data(I have an eight bed that tracks all of your sleep data) shows I'm still getting less and less sleep each night.
Should I keep waiting to be stable, or should I just jump and deal with it? I just worry that since the tapering has been so hard, that final kick will be too much.
SUMMARY:
Poly drug addict about half way to true sobriety(just take tapering doses of suboxone and maintenance diclazepam). It's been so long since I've felt normal, I hope my cognitive decline and general malaise are not permanent, because I'm not sure I can live like this forever. I'm rambling a bit here, but I cannot overstate how unpleasant it is to feel generally ill, depressed, and sleep deprived, with no end in sight.doses
I made a big drop to .35mg, but after about a month, the withdrawal is still getting worse, not better. Is this simply a tolerance issue, where I'm never going to be stable at .35, and should just jump now, leaving myself more time to recover before school starts again, or should I try to at least get stable at .35 before jumping?
Bonus question: Do you think my cognitive difficulties will go away once I'm completely sober, or am I fucked?
P.S. Fuck Lyrica, if you're in the unlucky percentage that experiences Lyrica withdrawal, you can become dependent in days(several people in the Facebook Lyrica support group have confirmed having withdrawals after consuming Lyrica for a very short time)
About a year ago I relapsed heavy with fentanyl, benzos, and speed.(quitting speed is easy, just sleepiness and fatigue for me) The relapse only lasted about 4 months, and then I acquired suboxone. Like a dipshit I made it like 16 hours because of the short half life of fent.
I had full blown precipitated withdrawal, and in that insane state I took a whole strip, making it 100x worse. I think of myself as tough when it comes to being sick, but this was unbelievable. Immediately every pore started gushing sweat, even though I was as cold as I'd ever felt. I spent an hour or so stuck in the bathroom, hot showers were the only thing that helped at all. Time slowed down, it felt like it lasted all day, but it really was mostly over in two hours. Several times I tried to commit suicide, but I couldn't even walk to the kitchen to get a knife. Luckily my chick was there or I would have found a way. It finally started easing a few hours in and I slept for a few hours on the floor, with my girl changing the blanket every 15 minutes or so. I would be drenched and freezing and covered by wet blankets. Anyway this was my rock bottom, or so i'd thought. I got sick just looking at the fent bottles as I trashed them.
So I start tapering the suboxone like I had done a few times before, but now tapering was much more difficult, moving from 8mg to 6mg was tough, when in the past I wouldn't have even noticed the difference.
A friend gave me a ton(hundreds) of Lyrica, he said he kicked using it and felt almost nothing. I figured if it helps during acute withdrawal, it should ease my pain while tapering.
So I took 2 300mg capsules and did feel a lot better. I kept taking them for about two weeks max and just stopped cold turkey. That was the last time I felt normal. The next morning I wake up at 3am with a panic attack(never had one) and this unbelievable adrenaline surge that had my heart racing. I took 300mg of Lyrica and I went from despondent agony, to lower anxiety, but still extremely ill, even after taking another 300mg. I eventually got stable(which was still hell, but at least I could leave the house. I find it astonishing that Lyrica can hook you so fast(if you Google Lyrica withdrawal you'll see is pretty common, but doesn't happen to everyone).
So I've spent the last year just trying to get off and over Lyrica. I had to use xanax, there is no way I could have gotten off lyrica without something for the crippling anxiety. The final withdrawal lasted almost a month, but I still feel shitty most days almost 5 months later. I swapped diazepam for the xanax in preparation to taper, and to have more stable life.
Suboxone had always been a godsend for me. I've always felt normal once inducted, and the taper and withdrawal were pretty mild. Tapering this time sometimes took a month between reductions(luckily I started at 1mg), and even now six weeks after a big drop, I still have runny nose, chills, fatigue, depressions, sleep deprivation, the works(except nausea, I must have an iron stomach, because even precipitated w/d didn't make me puke).
My diazepam source disappeared, and I couldn't really afford 80mg of diazepam a day, so I switched to diclazepam, an RC with similar effects and half life. I've been at a stable dose of it and haven't felt excessive anxiety or sedation and slurring.
So here's where I'm at:
.35mg suboxone/day divided into two doses.
8-9mg of diclazepam.
Basically the problem is I feel stuck. I went from .8mg sub to .35mg initially by accident, but I have stuck through because I need to be sober in a little over a month(my work requires a sharp mind, and I've been dulled and dumbed down for what seems like eternity).
The problem is that is been almost a month since the big drop and I seem to still be sick. Still all the symptoms, and my sleep data(I have an eight bed that tracks all of your sleep data) shows I'm still getting less and less sleep each night.
Should I keep waiting to be stable, or should I just jump and deal with it? I just worry that since the tapering has been so hard, that final kick will be too much.
SUMMARY:
Poly drug addict about half way to true sobriety(just take tapering doses of suboxone and maintenance diclazepam). It's been so long since I've felt normal, I hope my cognitive decline and general malaise are not permanent, because I'm not sure I can live like this forever. I'm rambling a bit here, but I cannot overstate how unpleasant it is to feel generally ill, depressed, and sleep deprived, with no end in sight.doses
I made a big drop to .35mg, but after about a month, the withdrawal is still getting worse, not better. Is this simply a tolerance issue, where I'm never going to be stable at .35, and should just jump now, leaving myself more time to recover before school starts again, or should I try to at least get stable at .35 before jumping?
Bonus question: Do you think my cognitive difficulties will go away once I'm completely sober, or am I fucked?
P.S. Fuck Lyrica, if you're in the unlucky percentage that experiences Lyrica withdrawal, you can become dependent in days(several people in the Facebook Lyrica support group have confirmed having withdrawals after consuming Lyrica for a very short time)
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
