Mental Health I cant talk to anyone

[yompf]

Co workers think im anti social.
I cant look people in the eyes when i talk to em. Im so awkward . I swear to god i specialize in awkward silences.
I cant even spell !
Im the worst at small talk. I just dont even say anything anymore.
Anxiety ridden.
I just dont know how to function in social situations. My energy is never synched with anyone elses.
Whats worse. Im so lonley . I swear i make up for it by having a hollodeck in my brain . I can sit there and play back situations, things i wish i said or have whole conversations with other people in my crazy little messed up brain .
Why is it so easy for some people...
To just be normal

 

[Vazkor]

I read your post and thought "I had that too!" I even forgot I had that. I think it bothered me from puberty till mid 30 (46 now).

I couldn't look people into their eyes. It was a bit as looking at the sun. Just couldn't do it.

I was afraid seeing judgement/rejection in others eyes.

What did make it go away?
- the realization that I don't care about the judgement of most other people.
- smoking less weed. Your eyes get more photosensitive after you smoke. This bothers you in bright environments and you especially notice it when you fail looking people into their eyes because of it (allthough I don't know if you smoke weed).
- the realization most people have social problems like this. The way those problems show themselves differ. You show it this way.
- paying as little attention to it as possible. As soon as you notice yourself thinking about your social awkwardness, think of something else. Those thoughts have no positive effects. Your brain tries to warn you of something and makes a big deal out of it. If you focus your attention on something it gets bigger. Focus on something else.

Maybe some of the articles here are interesting for you as well: https://markmanson.net/archive

Luck,

Vazkor

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

It just sounds like really bad anxiety.

Positives? You can work. It's not interfering with your ability to survive in this world, right?

Negatives? You're lonely... you're suferring (playing back situations sounds pretty horrifying).

What can you do? Find a psychologist near your area that accepts your insurance. Let me know if you need help....
Anxiety can be managed, without medication. If you don't do anything, anxiety will usually get worse. :/