41 year old female, happily married, work full time and post politically the rest of the time.
I came here through google asking the question: "how to use heroin recreationally". I don't know how to do that but I want to. Is it possible for me? Evidence leans towards no but every time I've used in my life- I've never really had a plan. This time I do.
Started heroin at 17. Stopped a little over a year later-that year was hell. Homelessness, moneylessness, unemployable, familyless, but not hopeless. Went to detox, rehab and halfway
House for the next year and stayed clean (as a frickin whistle) for the next 17 years. Life was good. It was hard work but it was worth it. I never thought I'd use again. Best part- cravings for H were minimal to nil.
I started to have back trouble and you know what happened next- became hooked on evil oxycodone (worse withdrawal than H) and eventually went back to heroin.
While me and my husband (well call him Captain America) managed to keep together, not lose much materially or our jobs- I lost my self worth. Relapsing destroyed me. In the five years since we picked up, we'd gotten clean four maybe five
Times with each run shorter than the last.
Two days ago, we got high for the first time in four months. Usually we just run until we no longer can. I'm hoping it doesn't happen that way.
But I love the way it makes me feel. If we try to steer clear for a month at a time-I would be fine with that. I need to remember how bad it can get, to never break the cardinal 3 week rule, to not associate with anyone who regularly uses except to go get it and most importantly -prioritize. It's not ideal to be high at a family party. It's very bad to be high at work. I shouldn't take Captain Americas car to go get it because right now he has an expired sticker. Next week we have to pay our $1700 month rent. Things like that. Use when all systems go and not whenever I want to which turns into whenever I need to.
I will keep you posted.
I came here through google asking the question: "how to use heroin recreationally". I don't know how to do that but I want to. Is it possible for me? Evidence leans towards no but every time I've used in my life- I've never really had a plan. This time I do.
Started heroin at 17. Stopped a little over a year later-that year was hell. Homelessness, moneylessness, unemployable, familyless, but not hopeless. Went to detox, rehab and halfway
House for the next year and stayed clean (as a frickin whistle) for the next 17 years. Life was good. It was hard work but it was worth it. I never thought I'd use again. Best part- cravings for H were minimal to nil.
I started to have back trouble and you know what happened next- became hooked on evil oxycodone (worse withdrawal than H) and eventually went back to heroin.
While me and my husband (well call him Captain America) managed to keep together, not lose much materially or our jobs- I lost my self worth. Relapsing destroyed me. In the five years since we picked up, we'd gotten clean four maybe five
Times with each run shorter than the last.
Two days ago, we got high for the first time in four months. Usually we just run until we no longer can. I'm hoping it doesn't happen that way.
But I love the way it makes me feel. If we try to steer clear for a month at a time-I would be fine with that. I need to remember how bad it can get, to never break the cardinal 3 week rule, to not associate with anyone who regularly uses except to go get it and most importantly -prioritize. It's not ideal to be high at a family party. It's very bad to be high at work. I shouldn't take Captain Americas car to go get it because right now he has an expired sticker. Next week we have to pay our $1700 month rent. Things like that. Use when all systems go and not whenever I want to which turns into whenever I need to.
I will keep you posted.