My life is horrible because of my mental illness. I know that I don't have much of a choice. I do have things that I want to do but I don't think I will ever be able to achieve them. I truly believe myself to be an awful person and I already feel awful making this post because I know that nobody wants to here and my problems aren't important. I know life is not sunshine and rainbows. I haven't experienced anything near to that ever. I just want some sort of glimpse of hope or that I will ever feel happy/okay at all. I constantly feel awful and can't do normal things like taking care of myself. Im not asking for life to be sunshine and happiness.
If people didn't read/hear/were not interested in your post, they would not have replied.
So you are wrong in your judegement.
I think a lot of people on here can identify with you; based on 'the sunshine and rainbows' element of the post - that poster was empathising with your struggle; explaining that their standards were probably as high as yours but they had to attenuate them, in order to get honest with themselves and face life; as being complicated.
Being bi-polar and having mood swings is a diffucult enough experience in itself, along with having to fit-in to social standards and conventions.
This doesnt mean that you are essentially wrong/off. Noone on this thread is disputing that, from what I can discern but I must admit, when I read that post, initially, I assumed it was just condeming, too - so totally got that
You said you have one friend, in particular...what's the story with that buddy?
Am sorry you're going through a hard time by the way, there is nothing worse than feeling stuck and with no hope , glad you are open to it though - because its always created; nothing good ever comes easy, eh?!
*btw you dont seem like an awful person by any measure ( you just seem unsure and frightened of yourself and life - and that doesnt make you a 'bad person'). That makes you
human.
You can not say that you cant achieve anything without having tried, or ventured to.
I was at deaths door years ago, due to my illness and I have achieved a lot, and still am.
Academically, workwise and friendwise.
(however, That is my experience, not yours but it will be)
Im just saying your judgement and attitude oward yourself is not fair to yourself, by any measure.
I hope that you realise that and endeavour to change it because it pains me to read your post not affording yourself even a chance; given that you havent even had the oppertunity/opened yourself up to having them yet, or just even accepted yourself yet.
19 years is young, in terms of experience - you are you and that wont change. What will change, if you choose is your attitude, strength of character and how you feel. It gets easier when you get easier on yourself- that is a given, I promise.
Am not overestimating you by any measure but by the tone of your posts, it sounds like you greatlly underestimate yourself. This isnt fair to you, nor rational ( whatever way you want to posit your situation).
