washingtonbound
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2013
- Messages
- 443
Hi all, thanks for taking the time to read my post. I am writing in because I am greatly considering something that may or may not be the best idea. For the past 6 weeks I've been in a dual diagnosis treatment center for what can best be described as a drug induced mood disorder. In the past I have been called bi polar type 1 but I personally like to stay away from DSM terms because labels can be very limiting and misleading. Anyway, the music therapist here came in recently and told us about how his friend who suffers with schizo-affective disorder and trauma related issues attended an ayahuasca ceremony and had phenomenal results. He want as far as saying that she had an 80% reduction of negative symptoms. I had heard of people having glowing experiences on aye before but the fact that a guy who works in rehab type places and dances the twelve steps even had positive things to say about it really got me thinking. It ignited a flame of curiosity that had been simmering for a while.
Brief history: I have taken most of the main psychedelics (acid, shrooms, salvia, ketamine, mescaline, changa, dmt, 2c-b), although it is worth noticing that I had no noticeable effects from the mescaline or changa/dmt. This could be to poor sourcing of the mescaline and improper smoking methods of the dmt, but who knows. It is possible that these two substances don't work on my brain the same way others do.
Anyway, I have unfortunately experienced drug induced psychosis in the past. Strangely it occurred first from marijuana alone but down the road it was primarily induced by lsd and ketamine. I would experience grandiose delusions, believing I had an especially enhanced relationship with god or the divine, and this would be accompanied by a loss of touch with reality. I would start believing that I could affect reality by writing things on paper and that I had special spiritual powers. Strange delusions included me believing I was a human/computer hybrid who could control the matrix, that certain people I would meet were reptilian shape-shifters in disguise, that I was a reincarnated Ancient Greek philosopher, etc. The psychosis involved a lot of strange ideas but I have narrowed it down to certain over activity in the 5-HT receptors, notably dopamine, serotonin and glutamate. Although I am not a psychiatrist I believe a lot can be narrowed down to these few neurotransmitters.
My dilemma is not knowing whether or not I should go through with this when I have the time and money. I would like to get more in touch with aspects of my spirituality that I have lost which I think the aye could really help. My main concern is not to deceive myself into thinking I'm enhancing this whilst becoming psychotic and ending up in a psychiatric facility again. There is a certain lightbulb in my brain that has "turned on" under the influence of drugs in the past that has catapulted me into hyperspace. So I am conflicted with the part of me that wants to gain valuable insights from this medicine and the other that refuses to risk having my civil liberties taken away again. I have ended up in the hospital 7 times as a result of drugs: twice from weed, twice from acid, twice from ketamine, and once from coke and amphetamines. Weed related psychosis has not occurred in three years but I have made the decision to stay away from the synthetics like acid and k even though I don't get psychotic every time. Would it be wise to attend a ceremony with a trusted a shaman? Any input is appreciated.
I'd like to mention again that I don't think I have bi polar, it is highly over diagnosed nowadays and I believe I was mislabeled that after the drug induced psychosis. So I'm not sure what I should think about future use.
Brief history: I have taken most of the main psychedelics (acid, shrooms, salvia, ketamine, mescaline, changa, dmt, 2c-b), although it is worth noticing that I had no noticeable effects from the mescaline or changa/dmt. This could be to poor sourcing of the mescaline and improper smoking methods of the dmt, but who knows. It is possible that these two substances don't work on my brain the same way others do.
Anyway, I have unfortunately experienced drug induced psychosis in the past. Strangely it occurred first from marijuana alone but down the road it was primarily induced by lsd and ketamine. I would experience grandiose delusions, believing I had an especially enhanced relationship with god or the divine, and this would be accompanied by a loss of touch with reality. I would start believing that I could affect reality by writing things on paper and that I had special spiritual powers. Strange delusions included me believing I was a human/computer hybrid who could control the matrix, that certain people I would meet were reptilian shape-shifters in disguise, that I was a reincarnated Ancient Greek philosopher, etc. The psychosis involved a lot of strange ideas but I have narrowed it down to certain over activity in the 5-HT receptors, notably dopamine, serotonin and glutamate. Although I am not a psychiatrist I believe a lot can be narrowed down to these few neurotransmitters.
My dilemma is not knowing whether or not I should go through with this when I have the time and money. I would like to get more in touch with aspects of my spirituality that I have lost which I think the aye could really help. My main concern is not to deceive myself into thinking I'm enhancing this whilst becoming psychotic and ending up in a psychiatric facility again. There is a certain lightbulb in my brain that has "turned on" under the influence of drugs in the past that has catapulted me into hyperspace. So I am conflicted with the part of me that wants to gain valuable insights from this medicine and the other that refuses to risk having my civil liberties taken away again. I have ended up in the hospital 7 times as a result of drugs: twice from weed, twice from acid, twice from ketamine, and once from coke and amphetamines. Weed related psychosis has not occurred in three years but I have made the decision to stay away from the synthetics like acid and k even though I don't get psychotic every time. Would it be wise to attend a ceremony with a trusted a shaman? Any input is appreciated.
I'd like to mention again that I don't think I have bi polar, it is highly over diagnosed nowadays and I believe I was mislabeled that after the drug induced psychosis. So I'm not sure what I should think about future use.