Hi everyone. For all intensive purposes I would like to omit my first name, and always be called gamergui. I know I registered a few years ago, and I have always been a lurker rather than a poster. But now, I think it is time for me to become part of the community. I am 22, attending a very good college, and a long term drug abuser. I am now on the methadone clinic and living my life day by day, one step at a time. I have a part time job for the summer and I also make money selling handmade vape coils on eBay. It has been a long time since I have shot dope, but the cravings still linger. The memory of it is still fresh in my head like it was only yesterday that I used.
I have been on the clinic for over a year now, and it is still an everyday struggle to not go out and score. Heroin has made me a bitch, a little bitch who had his life ran by a drug. I've been addicted to various drugs throughout my life, and my first experiences with most of them were at a very young age (11,12,13). I have switched from cigarettes to vaping in order to save money and ensure I do not die of lung cancer. I do not call it quitting because I am still dependent on nicotine.
Back to heroin - I was lucky enough to realize what it was doing to my life and I got on the clinic just before I was about to start a downward spiral to rock bottom. I was using regularly with one of my best friends, and we both decided together it was time to get help. We both were at about the same point, but I was not being honest about my use. I would use a lot without him just to stay well, and lie about it (hey when was your last hit? 4 hours ago? ok I'll split this bag I got with you evenly). We went to great lengths to score bags, we waited hours at a time for the dopeman to come around, puking, in agony and pain.
The methadone clinic was like a godsend. For the first couple weeks we still used, but not anywhere close to as much as before. We could actually both get a goodnights sleep for once. It was amazing. I stopped being late to class because I was too busy scoring, and started studying more and trying. It was almost halfway through the semester and I ended up coming out with a 3.5 GPA for that semester, with a full time schedule (16 credit hours).
I enjoy working out, reading, writing, socializing, and doing drugs; I enjoy marijuana habitually from a handheld vaporizer (highly recommend them, should have temperature control). Besides methadone, I have managed to stay clean. I have not had a dirty urine in a long time, and I now have 2 takehomes. The reason I come here is that I need a support system. I am interested in Narcotics Anonymous, and this forum seems like a good outlet just like NA to talk about my feelings and to help other people who are having the same problems I did. My main goal in life is to be a teacher (I don't want to get too specific, anyone who knows me could identify me if I was) and to help people succeed in their lives. I am here to ask for help, and to share my knowledge with people who need help. If anyone here ever has a question about opiates, or any other drug such as amphetamines, marijuana, cocaine,mushrooms, benzos, please feel free to message me at anytime. I was heavily addicted to amphetamines for a few years, which is a story for another thread, but I got out of it fine and now the thought of them makes me want to puke. It is nothing compared to the hell that opiate addiction has been. I quit amphetamines by myself with my willpower and no support system.
Why am I telling you this? Well, I plan to get off methadone when I get my degree. I have quit opiates cold turkey before, and always ended up going back. I now believe after long hours of reading a many drug literature, it is because I do not have a support system such as NA or the bluelight forums. I don't think there is any way I will ever get off methadone without a support system. My mother knows about the clinic and she will be there for me, however her ignorance on opiates is palpable (no matter how much I explain to her) and someone can only help so much when they have no clue what is happening. To me, personally, methadone is the same monster as heroin, except I am prescribed it by a doctor and receive my dose at the clinic every day (besides saturday and sunday). I know that quitting methadone is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, and the cravings of dope will be stronger than ever. I am sorry for the long life story, but this does not even touch on the subject a little bit, I would have to write 200 more pages to help everyone understand my affliction and what caused my to even get into heroin.
Just for an example, my first experience with opiates was a shot of morphine when I was 13 and I broke my arm. I had just got in the hospital and was in so much shock that I could not feel the pain of my arm at all (it was snapped clean, looked like an S). The nurse asked my pain level however, and I said 10 because I knew that meant I would get help. The shot was cold, and it felt like automatic bliss. I remember it like it was yesterday, and it was so long ago, almost 10 years now. I never forgot the way that shot felt, and how good it made me feel. Words can't describe. After I was discharged from the hospital, I was put on lorazepam (or some other muscle relaxer/benzo, I am almost 90% sure it was lorazepam) and 5mg hydrocodone for 3 months, refilled whenever I needed it. I never abused them because I was so young and did not fully understand that they were just about the same thing as that morphine shot. There was a time however when I smoked weed with my friends before a movie and took 3, and nodded off the entire movie, it was great. Long story short (well, not really, this is quite long) After my cast was off, I ended up breaking my arm again a week later. I ended up being on these meds for a total of about 7 months. I was so young and I had fully felt the grasp of opiates already, the happiness they brought me, and the pain that followed once the prescription was gone for good.
I look forward to meeting people, and helping people as well with my knowledge. Like I said, always feel free to message me, introduce yourself briefly, and ask me anything you want. I hope everyone took the time to read this, and am very happy to finally have gained the courage to come here and be part of the forum.
I have been on the clinic for over a year now, and it is still an everyday struggle to not go out and score. Heroin has made me a bitch, a little bitch who had his life ran by a drug. I've been addicted to various drugs throughout my life, and my first experiences with most of them were at a very young age (11,12,13). I have switched from cigarettes to vaping in order to save money and ensure I do not die of lung cancer. I do not call it quitting because I am still dependent on nicotine.
Back to heroin - I was lucky enough to realize what it was doing to my life and I got on the clinic just before I was about to start a downward spiral to rock bottom. I was using regularly with one of my best friends, and we both decided together it was time to get help. We both were at about the same point, but I was not being honest about my use. I would use a lot without him just to stay well, and lie about it (hey when was your last hit? 4 hours ago? ok I'll split this bag I got with you evenly). We went to great lengths to score bags, we waited hours at a time for the dopeman to come around, puking, in agony and pain.
The methadone clinic was like a godsend. For the first couple weeks we still used, but not anywhere close to as much as before. We could actually both get a goodnights sleep for once. It was amazing. I stopped being late to class because I was too busy scoring, and started studying more and trying. It was almost halfway through the semester and I ended up coming out with a 3.5 GPA for that semester, with a full time schedule (16 credit hours).
I enjoy working out, reading, writing, socializing, and doing drugs; I enjoy marijuana habitually from a handheld vaporizer (highly recommend them, should have temperature control). Besides methadone, I have managed to stay clean. I have not had a dirty urine in a long time, and I now have 2 takehomes. The reason I come here is that I need a support system. I am interested in Narcotics Anonymous, and this forum seems like a good outlet just like NA to talk about my feelings and to help other people who are having the same problems I did. My main goal in life is to be a teacher (I don't want to get too specific, anyone who knows me could identify me if I was) and to help people succeed in their lives. I am here to ask for help, and to share my knowledge with people who need help. If anyone here ever has a question about opiates, or any other drug such as amphetamines, marijuana, cocaine,mushrooms, benzos, please feel free to message me at anytime. I was heavily addicted to amphetamines for a few years, which is a story for another thread, but I got out of it fine and now the thought of them makes me want to puke. It is nothing compared to the hell that opiate addiction has been. I quit amphetamines by myself with my willpower and no support system.
Why am I telling you this? Well, I plan to get off methadone when I get my degree. I have quit opiates cold turkey before, and always ended up going back. I now believe after long hours of reading a many drug literature, it is because I do not have a support system such as NA or the bluelight forums. I don't think there is any way I will ever get off methadone without a support system. My mother knows about the clinic and she will be there for me, however her ignorance on opiates is palpable (no matter how much I explain to her) and someone can only help so much when they have no clue what is happening. To me, personally, methadone is the same monster as heroin, except I am prescribed it by a doctor and receive my dose at the clinic every day (besides saturday and sunday). I know that quitting methadone is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, and the cravings of dope will be stronger than ever. I am sorry for the long life story, but this does not even touch on the subject a little bit, I would have to write 200 more pages to help everyone understand my affliction and what caused my to even get into heroin.
Just for an example, my first experience with opiates was a shot of morphine when I was 13 and I broke my arm. I had just got in the hospital and was in so much shock that I could not feel the pain of my arm at all (it was snapped clean, looked like an S). The nurse asked my pain level however, and I said 10 because I knew that meant I would get help. The shot was cold, and it felt like automatic bliss. I remember it like it was yesterday, and it was so long ago, almost 10 years now. I never forgot the way that shot felt, and how good it made me feel. Words can't describe. After I was discharged from the hospital, I was put on lorazepam (or some other muscle relaxer/benzo, I am almost 90% sure it was lorazepam) and 5mg hydrocodone for 3 months, refilled whenever I needed it. I never abused them because I was so young and did not fully understand that they were just about the same thing as that morphine shot. There was a time however when I smoked weed with my friends before a movie and took 3, and nodded off the entire movie, it was great. Long story short (well, not really, this is quite long) After my cast was off, I ended up breaking my arm again a week later. I ended up being on these meds for a total of about 7 months. I was so young and I had fully felt the grasp of opiates already, the happiness they brought me, and the pain that followed once the prescription was gone for good.
I look forward to meeting people, and helping people as well with my knowledge. Like I said, always feel free to message me, introduce yourself briefly, and ask me anything you want. I hope everyone took the time to read this, and am very happy to finally have gained the courage to come here and be part of the forum.
