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Etiquette With A New Dealer

Someone Who Is Me

Someone Who Is Me

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 29, 2014
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141
Hi Everyone,

This is my first time ever posting my own question, so cut me some slack if I violate any rules. I'm also not sure if I'm posting it in the right place, so I apologize in advance if I'm not.

So I made The Switch from oxy to heroin in January (about six months ago). It was supposed to be a money save option (lol, I know, right?). I switched from snorting it to shooting it about three months ago. Until just recently, I've had essentially one reliable source where I got all of my dope, and it isn't "the streets". I know I can't discuss sources on here, so that's as specific as I'll be. I'm a little white girl from the burbs, I came by dope on my own (not through friends or a boyfriend), so I'm not super comfortable copping on the streets if I have better options available to me. Also, my go-to source gets me prettystrong shit, so my tolerance is decently high.

This week, my go-to source flaked out on me and I spent the past two days dopesick for my first time. It sucked and it can't happen again. Today, in an act of desperation, I managed to recklessly find a local dealer in the shitty part of town where I live. He gave me his number and a quarter gram, which I just tried, but it's really weak. Looked and smelled (faintly) like heroin, tasted like very weak heroin, but oh my god, I shot half of it about an hour ago and I'm not even nodding AT ALL. The rush was like a tenth of what I'm used to.

What is the protocol in this situation? Is it okay for me to ask this new dealer if he can hook me up with something stronger? Like would that piss him off? I obviously don't want to piss off any connect I might have because I'm terrified my regular guy will flake on me and I need backups. I can't run out of dope again. Weak dope is better than no dope. The new guy was super friendly and kept saying that I was "going to love this shit". I get that probably every drug dealer says that, but if I can get stronger stuff, I need to figure out how.

Any input? Other rules I should know when working with a new source?

Thanks!!
 
From my experience with powder and crystal products, people (both users and dealers) have varying quality standards ranging from maybe five to fifty percent pure, which is a fairly significant margin. This guy who scored you the heroin may just have lower standards with regards to quality. He also may have cut the quality significantly because he's the shady type who assumed you would not know better, which you clearly do - unfortunately, that's the reality of buying drugs, powder especially. It's too easy to dilute.

I'd be careful asking for something 'stronger' at the moment to be honest as there's a lot of fentanyl shit around, but if you had an eighth of a gram and felt little more than disappointment then I think it's safe to say the stuff sucked and I don't think it's in poor taste to give an unfavourable review. I definitely wouldn't be giving any hint that the stuff was acceptable. He probably wouldn't be insulted (actually he might), but if he did cut it or if that's the best he can get, he may not have much incentive to get it for you again.

Then again, you may get something better next time. It's all a fucking guessing game really and there are no real standards of etiquette other than having money ready.

However you go about it, be safe.
 
Hey, thanks for the reply!

You make a really good point, I definitely don't want him to carfentanil my ass in response to an unfavorable review :(. And apparently there's even worse stuff coming up now too. Does quality generally vary a lot even coming from one dealer? All the other dealers I've used (been through several through my favorite guy) have been extremely consistent in quality. Maybe I've just gotten really lucky. I know heroin purity is such a crapshoot. I also know I look scammable, even though I'm not, so I was kind of prepared to be ripped off the first time, just not that much so. Definitely don't want to buy from him again and give the impression that I was okay with the shitty product, but I don't want to burn the bridge if that first buy was just a really bad one and he actually usually sells better stuff. I got lucky finding someone willing to sell to me so quickly.

It also occurred to me when I was cooking it that it was most likely #3 H (based on color and water solubility) instead of #4, which is what I'm used to. I added citric acid, which didn't help much (aside from making the shot hurt like hell, haha). But maybe he just gave me #3 and it didn't do much because #3 is weaker than #4 (from what I understand of the refinement process).

Maybe I'll just text him tomorrow, tell him thanks for the hook up and ask if he has any #4, say something about me having a high tolerance so that he takes the hint, without thinking I want some weird new fentanyl death powder that isn't heroin. I mean I like to get high, but I would like to stay alive so I can keep doing it.
 
It also occurred to me when I was cooking it that it was most likely #3 H (based on color and water solubility) instead of #4, which is what I'm used to. I added citric acid, which didn't help much (aside from making the shot hurt like hell, haha). But maybe he just gave me #3 and it didn't do much because #3 is weaker than #4 (from what I understand of the refinement process).
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how much citric acid did you add? you shouldn't need that much that it hurts when you inject it. you will destroy your veins if you inject highly acidic solutions, and if something is not dissolving - it's probably not good shit, and no amount of heat/acid/water/whatever will make it better.
i don't know much about american heroin (is that kind of smack common in the US? i thought it was more common in Western Europe?) but it really just sounds like shitty bunk gear.


with so much nasty stuff going around, and the fear of withdrawals - is something like methadone or buprenorphine an option for you?

i wouldn't normally suggest this to anyone, but if you're buying off random sketchy dudes on the street, you're really playing with fire. and not in the good sense of 'fire'.

be careful out there <3
 
And yeah, buying off of a sketchy dude on the corner is something I never in a million years thought I'd resort to. I've been dilly dallying around with the idea of getting clean and maybe trying suboxone or something for a while, but it's likely not something that'll happen in the immediate future. I've been to rehab twice now, put my poor family who doesn't deserve it at all through so much stress and pain both times, and they don't know that I relapsed. So I want to be really ready to commit to quitting before I spend money on it and drag my friends/family through the whole ordeal again. I seriously feel terrible for what I've done to them. And as far as they know, I've never done anything harder than oxy. So it'll really kill them when this inevitably hits the fan :(.

So I didn't know much about heroin #3, aside from the citric thing and that it's more common in Europe. I was up late last night doing research, and now from what I've read it sounds extremely unlikely that I actually bought #3 where I live. Apparently it's pretty much just not a thing in the US. I also learned that adding too much citric can ruin the dope and make it useless. So this morning, I shot the rest of the quarter gram assuming it was #4 with no citric. I think you're totally right, it's just heavily cut and really dirty gear. I mean shit, after I filtered it through my cotton, there was a gray gritty sludge all over the spoon and the underside of the filter. I've never had such dirty shit before. Not adding citric did make it the tiniest bit stronger, but still way too heavily cut to be worth the money I paid for it. The stuff I'm used to usually has me nodding out within a few minutes, dissolves completely and leaves essentially nothing in the spoon.

Current plan is to wait until I hear from my main guy, then if he can't hook me up today, ask this new guy for something slightly stronger. For safety, if he can get me anything "stronger", I'll shoot it in a public place with lots of people around so that I'll be accessible if shit goes south.
 
I'll shoot it in a public place with lots of people around so that I'll be accessible if shit goes south.
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far out :(

look, i've been similarly overwhelmed by addiction - i was addicted to shit for over 10 years. i ain't judging you; far from it.

there are options in the messy world of opiate addictions - i mean, besides playing russian roulette like this. you clearly have people you care about, who care about you.

have you tried PST? would that hold you out of withdrawal?
it's messy and annoying to have to use daily - but can be surprisingly strong you don't have to think about whether or not the next, inevitable fix will kill you - or scoring of shady people, risking legal issues etc etc
 
Oh, I hadn't ever heard of that being used as an h replacement. I'll look into it. You are right, though, I'm doing some really stupid shit right now. I need to get it under control. Logically I understand. Trying heroin in the first place is I'm sure something I'll eventually really regret. But right now, aside from the stress of running out and the issue of money, it kinda feels like the rush outweighs the negatives. Dumb, I know :(.

Update: I actually ended up texting the new guy back and politely asking him if he had any stronger h (specified h and not fent or gray death or whatever the fuck the crazy new shit floating around is). Met up with him tonight, he was super professional and this second score is way stronger than the first. Still not like knock-me-off-my-ass strong, but strong enough to be a solid backup to my other guy. Actually smells like vinegar and tasting it made me dry heave. Both good signs. I'm pretty sure that first half gram he sold me was a test to see what I'd let him get away with, haha. I'm glad I'm being taken more seriously now. Imo it's way harder for single chicks to cold cop than it is for guys, but maybe I'm wrong.
 
Just a thought.... Addiction is a disease. When someone goes to treatment or starts going to meetings relapse is always a possibility. Thats why they say one day at a time. It might be helpful to educate family and friends about the realities of addiction. Shaming yourself for using won't benefit you in any way. Cut yourself a break and don't beat yourself up. Glad that 2nd dealer ended up working out for you. Stay safe.
 
I don't even know how to go about finding a dealer, and I live in a major city where heroin use is rampant. For the past 4 years I have been on prescribed 10 mg oxys, and my tolerance is now so high I often don't get the rush AND I am still in constant pain from bad discs in my neck and arthritis. I would like to try heroin. I have only had it once years ago and that was because my "friend" tricked me an my girls into snorting it, thinking we were snorting coke. Next thing I knew, my two girlfriends were rolling around on the floor and running to the bathroom to throw up, and the guy was laughing at them. Me? I didn't feel a thing, and I thought I took a pretty big toot. Well, I don't understand that experience but I know I want to try snorting H again. I just don't know who to cop from. That guy we knew went to jail years ago and that was the last I knew of him. Wish I could find him now.
 
Oh, I hadn't ever heard of that being used as an h replacement. I'll look into it. You are right, though, I'm doing some really stupid shit right now. I need to get it under control. Logically I understand. Trying heroin in the first place is I'm sure something I'll eventually really regret. But right now, aside from the stress of running out and the issue of money, it kinda feels like the rush outweighs the negatives. Dumb, I know
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As kgeisel98 says, don't beat yourself up.
Addiction - and tolerance fucking suck.
Whether or not PST would be of any use to you really depends on tolerance.
I've known people who use it to tide them over and keep them out of heroin withdrawal, but it's not a very satisfying replacement for most people.
It can help you out if you're desperate though; and it's a hell of a lot less risky than copping off random people on the street, especially in these times of fentanyl adulterated dope, which is obviously causing a lot of people to overdose.
Withdrawals are scary, but even scarier is what addicts will find themselves doing at times to keep WD at bay.
 
Wow, okay first of all, it's super awesome that so many people have responded to this thread! I didn't think anyone would, haha. So thanks, you guys :).

kgeisel98, thank you <3. I understand logically that relapses happen and that addiction is a disease. It's just hard to cut myself the same break that I would cut, say, another addict going through the same thing. I don't have a great relationship with myself and shame is like a constant theme through my life, so it's easy to be hypercritical of the shit I do even if I understand logically that I'm only human (and a fucked up sick one at that, haha). But reading messages like yours does help me temporarily soften my inner monologue a bit.

jakline, oh man, do I ever know that feeling. For years before now, I've been emotionally addicted to opiates but unable to access them reliably due to not having any consistant connects (only friends selling me their leftovers from surgeries, doctors who I'd convince, friends' medicine cabinets, last resort type options). The feeling of desperately wanting something, knowing it's right in front of you and just not knowing how exactly to grab it sucks BALLS.

Like I said, I'm a skinny little white girl raised in an upper middle class suburb. I don't think I was over-sheltered, but definitely not comfortable "on the streets". I'm an easy target both for like mugging or raping, and for being ripped off because I probably don't look like the typical junkie (gruesome track marks notwithstanding). I will say I did a lot of research online (like the basic bitch I am) before I actually approached anyone trying to cold cop. One thing I repeatedly heard was that most junkies have a sort of sixth sense for their drug of choice. People who I talked with online about it seemed to think that, if I were to just go into the bad part of town and trust my instincts, I would find heroin very quickly, like I have a skill I'm not even aware of. I thought this sounded crazy, but in the desperation of the other day, decided to try it. Whaddaya know? Literally the first guy I hit up wasn't only a drug dealer, but specifically a heroin dealer. So you might be more street savvy than you think you are, although I am NOT recommending that you do what I did the other day!! It was really stupid and could've gone seriously wrong, anything from legal trouble to being robbed at gunpoint. So be safe!! And be safe trying heroin again too. It really does sneak up on you so ​so fast.

And space junk, you're right. Especially that last part. This is like probably the most dangerous time to be a heroin addict. The particularly idiotic thing about my situation the other night is that I wasn't even that dopesick. I mean like I said, I've only been shooting for a few months, and more importantly, I realized in advance that I was probably going to run out, so I managed to taper my hits back to help smooth the withdrawal process a bit. I mean I felt pretty shitty, don't get me wrong, but by the time I scored off that shady guy, the withdrawals were on their way out. For me, it feels like the emotional withdrawal makes me the most desperate. And again, maybe that's just because I haven't experienced full-blown physical heroin withdrawal yet (I hope to god that never happens, because it sounds awful and I have severe vomit phobia). But I have crippling depression and anxiety, which both run rampant anytime I don't have dope. And then the cravings. Jesus christ. The cravings were the thing that most drove my trip to the ghetto, I think. I can't handle cravings at all. I'm like the weakest person when it comes to cravings.
 
Someone who is me... Regardless of what you do with your addiction I strongly suggest that you find a counsellor and work on your shame issues. Whether you are using or not you can improve how you feel about yourself. You are worthy of feeling good about yourself no matter what!
 
You seem like such a sweet girl. Can I just comment and say that I'm a bit worried about you? :( Please be safe....
 
Hey, thanks, guys <3. I appreciate the concern and the good advice. I'm being as safe as I can, don't worry.

I actually was seeing a counselor every week to work on my "shame issues", and I really liked her. I come from a very therapy-friendly family and have actually been seeing therapists on and off since I was like ten years old (saw my first one for bad anxiety). This therapist was the first one really willing to work on some of my deeper childhood-trauma related problems that I think I need to resolve before the shame gets any better, but she didn't want to work with me unless I committed to going back to rehab. Which is exactly why I waited so long to talk about the fact that I'd relapsed with her; I was afraid she'd do something like that. I'd been seeing her since November (right before the relapse) and I came clean to her back in April after I failed a drug test (that office random drug tests its patients). She said she'd give me until August to decide whether or not I wanted to go back to rehab/keep doing therapy, but last week she changed her mind, said she she couldn't work with me anymore and said that that day would be our last session. She also politely told me that I looked like shit and that she felt "a pit in her stomach" every time she saw my name on her schedule for the day because I was her most depressing patient. Harsh. So now I'm not in therapy anymore.

Still using that guy I met the other week. I've been buying from him pretty regularly since then. His sells me much stronger stuff now, but has been shorting me quantity-wise and denies it whenever I call him out. And now he's about to run out of shit and my other guy might not be able to get me anything until later in the week. So I'm facing the possibility of withdrawal again and I'm panicking. It was awful. I don't want to experience that shit again. This is an exhausting lifestyle, not gonna lie. I had plans for the fourth. Really hoping I'm not in withdrawal then.

I wish I had more people in my life to talk to about this shit. It's very isolating. I opened up to two friends, one of whom is a drinking/drug buddy and not a positive presence in my life, the other is a really close "healthy" friend who I adore. Healthy friend kind of dropped me and won't talk to me anymore because of it, which hurt. So it's really just the one drug buddy who I can talk to about any of this and she doesn't answer her phone most of the time anyway. So it's been nice being able to vent about it on here.

Anyway, sorry for rambling.
 
Your not rambling. Please feel free to talk openly as needed.

I was heavily addicted and in a very bad place years ago. I tried desperately to seek psychiatric help because I didn't feel I could ever get a grip on my drug problems until I got some help on myself and the reasons why I was using drugs.

I saw several different psychiatrists during that period. All of them flat out refused to do anything for me, including just seeing me again, until I went to rehab and got clean. The last guy I saw said not only rehab but I would have to be clean for 2 years before trying to address or work on anything beyond stying sober.

I felt abandoned, rejected and hopeless. I imagine the feeling must be worse when it's somebody you've been seeing on a regular basis (I only saw each psychiatrist only once each). In my mind at the time I had to fix the problem that was causing me to use then and only then I could quit. Everyone told me it needed to be the other way around.

I eventually got 'better' on my own. Kinda worked on quitting and myself at the same time. I'm still not exactly clean nor have I fixed the problems in my head but I'm working on both (will probably be working on both for the rest of my life). I just eventually got myself to a place where I can manage everything reasonably well again. Took lots of work just to get back to functional.

Fuck, I don't remember what my reason for replying to you was now or what words of wisdom or encouragement I was working towards. Plus my kid is begging for dinner. So I must stop now but I'll try to come back and wrap this up properly.
 
Hey, sorry for the late response, but I'm glad to hear you've managed to get yourself back to a better place. I know that can't have been easy. I can't believe some psychiatrist told you they'd only work with you after two years of clean time!!! That's absolutely absurd. So what do they expect you to do? Get clean completely on your own, maintain it unmedicated and untreated for any underlying conditions you probably have, for two fucking years no less, and then maybe they'll start working with you? Fuck, at that point I'd say there isn't really much they'd be able to help you with. If you make it two years on your own, you probably have your shit pretty together, haha. I think some psychiatrists just want to do as little work as possible, despite how insanely expensive they are for their clients.

Yeah, being rejected by a therapist, especially one you've tried to build a trusting relationship with, is no fun. I mean I get why she did it and I guess I don't completely blame her. I wouldn't necessarily want to work with me either, haha 8(. But I am just frustrated in general at the entire situation. cc
 
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